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Planter Jokes

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Just saw a junkie at Wal-Mart put his whole dick in a tube of Planter's Cashews

Dude was fucking nuts.

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Have you ever wondered about why Planter's Peanuts killed off Mr. Peanut? What if there was another sex tape controversy?

That would be fucking nuts.

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I left my girlfriend after walking in on her masturbating with a Planter's jar.

She was fucking nuts.

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I came home yesterday to find my roommate balls deep in the Planters guy.

I said "Are you fucking nuts".

He replied, "They're actually legumes".

There is a conspiracy theory that ALCOA and Planters secretly control the world.

Maybe you've heard of the AlumaNutty?

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Peanuts

Did you hear that Planter’s Mr. Peanut hosted an orgy and it got out of control?


It was fucking nuts.

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What’s the difference between a nazi who likes to garden, and my foot condition?

One is a fascist planter

The other is plantar fasciitis

Murphy and O'Neill were looking at jobs listings at the Labour Office in Dublin

Murphy saw an advert from Park Services looking for tree planters.

He turns to O'Neill and says "This sounds like a great opportunity. Too bad there's only two of us."

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What do you call a nazi gardeners foot pain?

A facist planter's Plantar Fasciitis.

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Johnny was a bitter man

"Look at all those trees" he said as he pointed towards a forest. "I planted all of those. Do they call me Johnny Tree-planter for that reason? No they don't"

Johnny turned around and pointed at a row of houses. "Look at all those houses." He said. "I built those. All of them. Do they call me...

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Hugh the Blacksmith

So there are three friars living atop a mountain, and they tend to the most beautiful garden in all the land.

One day, one of the friars decides he could make a flower one hundred times prettier than all the other flowers in the garden, if only he could cross-breed a few that he had already.<...

A joke I will always love

In the distant future when interstellar space travel is common place, scientists are traveling through galaxies to find life on other planets. On one planter many light years away, they find a giant granite statue statue of a man in a squatting position. Upon close inspection they find this statue i...

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A bar joke.

There are these 2 guys sitting at a bar, one is a tourist, and the other one is a local. The local is very old and very drunk, and the tourist is just having a drink.

The local starts saying, in a drunken stupor. "I built the bridge on main street! But no one calls me Joe the Bridge Builder"<...

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