This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'm emotionally constipated.

I haven't given a shit in days.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

This social situation during Covid has been really hard on me emotionally.

Everyone has been so distant.

If you cry when you cut an onion, here's a tip:

**Don't get emotionally attached.**

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

My nanny once told me of an emotionally distant but insecure yogi who fell ill and subsequently developed bad breath.

It was a super callous fragile mystic down with halitosis.

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

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I dated an emotionally-inhibited woman who tried to become a phone sex worker

She had a lot of hangups.

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

When asked if they were emotionally disgruntled by Trump's wall, Mexicans responded..

'Meh, we'll get over it.

My girlfriend complained that I was too emotionally distant...

I said "you don't know me!"

Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.

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A man walks into a bar he's never visited before, and settles down to order a drink.

Before long, he notices someone sitting in the corner - a man who appears normal in every regard except that his head is a gigantic orange. Curious, the newcomer asks the bartender "What's up with the guy in the corner? The one with the-" but the bartender interrupts and says "Honestly, your best be...

My wife and I get into an argument, because she thinks I'm emotionally manipulative.

Everything is fine now. I make her realized how wrong she was and I forgave her.

Why is Six afraid of Seven

Because Seven is emotionally distant and always chases after numbers like Eight and Nine instead of looking back and seeing that the perfect number was behind the whole entire time... Six

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Emotionally Abusive Husband

A woman turned to her husband one day and said: 'You're such a mean bastard! All you do is push me around and talk behind my back!!'

To which he retorted: 'Well of course I do! You're in a bloody wheelchair!!'

I dated a dwarf for a while until she broke up with me, it tore me apart emotionally

I was nuts over her.

Bread is not emotionally mature enough to have threesomes

When you spread your nuts all over one slice, the other gets jelly.

Once upon a time, there was a humble couple

Once upon a time, there was a humble couple where the woman stayed at home while her husband traveled away for months as a truck driver. They always wanted a child, but they could never have it.

One day, she finally got pregnant. Beautiful! They were joyful although upset that once again the ...

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

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