UPJOKE
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Im emotionally constipated...

I havent given a shit in years

A 90-year-old man goes for a physical and all of his tests come back normal. The doctor says, “Larry, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”

Larry replies, “God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He’s fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I’m done, poof! The light goes off.”

“Wow, that’s incredible,” the doctor says.

A little later in the da...

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My girlfriend yelled at me being secretive and emotionally unavailable

I then politely excused myself from the conversation and went to the basement to go work on my project.

I don't know what she was talking about.

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My girlfriend of 6 years broke up with me on the grounds that I'm an "emotionally stunted, unfeeling, uncaring piece of shit".

I don't know how I feel about this.

An emotionally unstable man walks into a 7-11

He browses the candy section and decides to buy a Snickers bar. His total is $1.29. He pays with a $20 bill and tells the cashier to keep whatever is leftover.

"Are you sure?" The cashier says.

"I don't like change." the man replies.

My nanny once told me of an emotionally distant but insecure yogi who fell ill and subsequently developed bad breath.

It was a super callous fragile mystic down with halitosis.

This social situation during Covid has been really hard on me emotionally.

Everyone has been so distant.

REQUEST: Looking for those story jokes where you get the listener emotionally attached/involved before revealing knockout punchlines, to cheer up quarantined family friends

You know the ones I mean, guys. Let’s have it!

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I dated an emotionally-inhibited woman who tried to become a phone sex worker

She had a lot of hangups.

When asked if they were emotionally disgruntled by Trump's wall, Mexicans responded..

'Meh, we'll get over it.

Why is the earth so emotionally unstable?

It’s a natural effect of being bipolar.

My girlfriend complained that I was too emotionally distant...

I said "you don't know me!"

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Emotionally Abusive Husband

A woman turned to her husband one day and said: 'You're such a mean bastard! All you do is push me around and talk behind my back!!'

To which he retorted: 'Well of course I do! You're in a bloody wheelchair!!'

My wife and I get into an argument, because she thinks I'm emotionally manipulative.

Everything is fine now. I make her realized how wrong she was and I forgave her.

I dated a dwarf for a while until she broke up with me, it tore me apart emotionally

I was nuts over her.

Bread is not emotionally mature enough to have threesomes

When you spread your nuts all over one slice, the other gets jelly.

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