UPJOKE
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Emoji Jokes

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied






Edit: thanks for all the upvotes, this is my first post ever on here!!!

Edit 2: removed emoji

So the new blind emojis are finally available!

And here I thought they’d never see the light of day.

Why did the smiley emoji :-) drop the nose :) ???

It was too negative.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Whoever designed the clitoris emoji is a genius.

Because I can't find it anywhere!

What text emojis do spiders use when they are happy?

::::D

How to be cool:

A) Use the sunglasses emoji.

B)

What is a cow emoji called?

An emooji.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear?! They’re putting the Poo emoji on a stamp!

Finally! Shitpost!

Does anyone know where I can find the "Surrender" Emoji?

Nevermind the French flag works fine. 🇫🇷🇫🇷🇫🇷

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is anyone going to see the emoji movie?

Heard the main character is really a piece of shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you say about someone holding a poo emoji stress ball?

Somebody who knows how to handle their shit.

This is the first time in 5 years of using this site I remembered that it's my cake day. Im using this post to see the little cake emoji on it. That is all. ( included joke to qualify )

A man walks into a bar. He says ow.Thank you.

What do you call a gangster who wears eyeliner?

An emoji.

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

The only thing standing between us and armageddon

... is the non existence of a Nuclear Explosion emoji

What do you call a depressed gang member?

An emoji... Emo g, get it? From my 13 year old son

Arrrgghhh... My Retinas Are on Fire

I just saw The Emoji Movie.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Got into a fight in a bar

Met some new people at the bar and tried to break the ice with some jokes.


Went well, till I went to the more offensive ones. Here's the joke I told:

*"What do you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath? Throw your laundry in."*

One guy goes crazy and h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The official list of emojis for 2019 has been updated to include a drop of blood, which is meant to symbolize menstruation. Although, if tech companies really wanted to accurately portray the suffering caused by periods...

...they should use an emoji of a husband quietly masturbating in the bathroom.

I was explaining puns to my 8yo kid and we collaborated on a new joke

What’s another term for a reading lamp?

A TALE LIGHT!

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*I submitted this last night and stupidly included some emojis in the body of the post, so it was removed. Hope you guys don't mind a resubmission!*

Facebook is a lot like ancient Egypt

People write on walls, use emojis, and worship cats.

Things that didn't exist the last time England were in the semis

iPhone

Facebook

Google

Amazon

Android

Twitter

Instagram

iPod

Yahoo

YouTube

Snapchat

Spotify

Tesla

Skype

Uber

Airbnb

Bitcoin

Fitbit

Emojis

iPad

and
.

....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The priest and the nun.

A nun and a priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.
After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation. After a long period of silence, the Priest spoke.
'Well, Sister, this looks prett...

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