Eat It Jokes - 26 Hilarious Eat It Jokes

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Don’t eat it!

A man kills a deer and takes it home to cook for dinner. Both he and his wife decide that they won’t tell the children what kind of meat it is, but will give them a clue and let them guess. The dad said, “**Well, it’s what Mommy calls me sometimes**. ”The little girl screamed to her brother, “**Don’...

My mum used to feed my brother and I by saying ‘here comes the train’, and we always used to eat it straight away

Otherwise she wouldn’t untie us from the tracks

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Give most people cake and they will eat it.

Give a Redditor cake and he will farm the everlasting shit out of it.

My mother used to always say "give your food a rinse before you eat it."

Lovely woman. Terrible sandwiches.

Turns out you can go to a store and buy a birthday cake any day you feel like it and eat it yourself.

Nobody checks.

What has a tattoo of a dragon squeaks when you eat it?

Halloumi Rapace.

O just bought a lettuce from our local store, called "Momma's and Poppa's". I can't eat it though

All the leaves are brown.

What do you call a dessert that lets anyone eat it?

A pan-cake.

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns and puts them into his pockets and leaves. He says to the Irishman: “That took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn’t even see me.”

“That’s just simple thievery,” the Irishman replied. “I’ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.”

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and says: “Sir, I want to show you a magic trick.” The owner was intrigued so he came over to see the magi...

[NSFW] You ever see something so good you just have to eat it?

Well anyways, that’s how I got fired from the gynecologist’s office.

How does a robot eat it's guacamole?

Microchips.

What’s the difference between your salad and your girlfriend?

You dress your salad before you eat it.

Having children is a lot like making pancakes

The first one is always a bit weird, but you can always just eat it when no one is looking.

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I caught my sister masturbating with a cucumber last night. I was going to eat it...

but now her pussy will just taste like a cucumber.

If you see a deer with out antlers acting crazy dont try to eat it without cooking it first.

Everyone knows you cant eat raw kooky doe.

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If a large black woman says something is the bomb you should probably eat it

But if a Muslim guy says something’s the bomb you should evacuate the building

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A salmon is watching a fly hover 6 inches above the pond and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, I'm going to eat it."

A bear is on the shore and is watching the salmon. The bear thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, and I will eat the salmon."

A hunter is watching the bear and thinks to himself, "when that fly drops, the salmon will eat it, the bear will eat the salmon, and I will...

How does software eat it's food?

By taking large bytes!

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

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I know a woman who has been married 3 times and is still a virgin

Her first husband was a psychologist and all he ever wanted to do was talk about it. Her second husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it. Her third husband was a gourmet and all he wanted to do was eat it.

.

The good news is that I just heard she is gettin...

At the Last Supper, Jesus got out a loaf of bread and said "this is my body, eat it to remember me." Then Jesus got out a glass of wine and said "this is my blood, drink it to remember me."

Then Jesus got out a jar of mayonnaise and THAT'S when Judas knew this was going too far.

A policeman is driving past a roadside apple stand when he notices the sign: "Apple seeds, guaranteed to make you smarter, $20 per seed."

He pulls over and informs the vendor that it is fraud and false advertising to make absurd claims like this.

"No, no, no," the vendor tells the cop, "my apples are a special variety. A scientific miracle. Buy just one seed, eat it, and you will notice an increase in intelligence. If not, I pr...

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Three men pass away in a tragic car crash

Their girlfriends are trying to figure out what to do with their ashes. The first woman says "hey, my boyfriend really loved nature. I'm going to spread his ashes throughout the forest so he can be eternally connected with the wilderness."

The second woman says "hey, my boyfriend was really i...

An army grunt is telling a story about finding a scorpion in his tent…

A marine, an army grunt, and an airman are having a beer and the army grunt is telling this story about how one time he found a scorpion in his tent. Marine asks “what’d you do?”, and the grunt says he crushed it with his boot and flung it out the flap. The marine laughs and says “what a sissy”. The...

Why did the Xbox One eat its cereal for breakfast, but not its pancakes?

It had the spoon, but not the 4k.

I found a green vegetable in the shape of a clock. But I won't eat it.

Not for the time bean

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