UPJOKE

Get Some Food Jokes

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Lying in bed, about ready to consummate their marriage, when the new bride says to her husband Johnny:

"I have a confession to make, I'm not a virgin." 


Johnny replies. "That's no big thing in this day and age." 


The wife continues. "Yeah, I've been with one other guy." 


"Oh yeah? Who was the guy?" 


"Tiger Woods." 


"Tiger Woods, the golfer?" 
...

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So a shark and his son are going to get some food....

They look for a vessel in distress, and when they finally find one, the father says to the son, "I'm going to teach you how to catch your first human. First, you raise your dorsal fin slightly out of the water. Second, you raise all of your fins out of the water, and start circling around them. Fina...

When I was in Paris, I got up early to get some food.

They had this huge mushroom buffet. Portabella, shiitake; Breakfast of champignons

(real-life joke) My 5-year-old daughter and I were playing with her dolls...

Having a great time cooking a great meal in imagination-land (toy room) when things got real.

Daughter - "Hey Dad, Let's throw the old food in the field to feed the animals."

Me - "Good idea, that would be nice so they get some food too."

Daughter - *throws a few pieces of fake...

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The corn drenched in Butter

There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.
Luckily, they found a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and somet...

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Three couples check into a hotel for their honeymoons.

The man at the front desk has a game he likes to play. When the first couple checked in, he asked the bride what her job was. She said she was a maid. The man thought to himself "Maids are hot. This guy's going to have a fun honeymoon."

When the next couple checked in, he asked the bride the...

An American, a Dutchman and a Chinese guy

stranded on a deserted island after being shipwrecked. The American immediately takes charge and points to the Dutch: “You should take care of the wood to build a fire”. The Dutchman confirmes and disappears in the woods.

After that, he points to the Chinese: “you should take care of the supp...

Bob and Steve, happened to be lost in Arabian desert.

Bob and Steve, happened to be lost in Arabian desert. After days of walking without any water or food, they noticed a Mosque.

Bob said: "Yes, thank God! I will walk in saying that my name is
Mohammad, and you say that your name is Ahmed, this way we'll get some food! Deal?"

Steve s...

(Long) A man was hungry, bored and thirsty...

One day a man was bored, hungry and thirsty from partying all night at a friends house. So since it was basically the middle of the day he thought that the juice store and the local Applebee’s would have really long lines and he decided to head on down to the bookstore for some entertainment.
...

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The rebellious high school senior

So there’s this senior in high school. He’s pretty rebellious, and always hates it when you tell him to do something.

So the teacher tells him to do his assignment. He answers, “You’re not my mom,” and refuses to do it.

So he gets sent to the dean’s office, and the dean tells him to ex...

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Three men are on a road trip across the US...

One is from Kentucky, another is from Tennessee and the last if from West Virginia.

So they are on the road and the man from Kentucky gets hungry so they decide to stop and get some food. He stops and buys some peanuts and a drink. As hes checking out the lady says

"Oh you must be from...

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Oedipus travels to the future.

When he arrives, he is amazed by the wonders he sees around him. He finds the nearest person he can. "Where am I, and what age is this?"

"Athens, 2019" the man says sarcastically.

"Athens!? This looks nothing of the city I know, and you tell me I traveled 2500 years into the future!?"<...

Two Christians Were walking in the desert....

They began to feel very hungry and thirsty. Then they saw a nearby mosque. Their names were Chris and Michael and Chris suggested to change names to Muslim names so they would give them food. Chris changed his to Ahmed but Michael refused and didn't change it. They approached the Sheikh of the mosqu...

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