What do you call a drunk person trying to unlock their car?

An uber please.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk person walks into public toilet and..

...sees a 1 dollar bill in a shit. He thinks - *Hmmm...Should I get my hands dirty and take the shitty only 1 dollar bill? He thinks for a minute,then takes out a 10 dollar bill from his pocket, throws it into sh*t too and says : For 11 dollars I could do that.

I hate being the only drunk person at the party

It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?

There's one less drunk person at the funeral.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Bad Dad

Son: What's meant by being drunk

Dad: Do you see 4 cars ahead of us, a drunk person will see that as 8.

Son: But there's only 2 cars....

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people.

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him ...

A father and son are out for a walk

The son says, “Dad, today at school I heard someone say that their dad was an alcoholic, what’s an alcoholic?”

The dad replied, “Well an alcoholic is someone who is addicted to drinking alcohol and getting drunk.”

The son said, “What’s it like being drunk, is it fun?”

The dad ...

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confus...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.