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Drunk Person Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk person walks into public toilet and..

...sees a 1 dollar bill in a shit. He thinks - *Hmmm...Should I get my hands dirty and take the shitty only 1 dollar bill? He thinks for a minute,then takes out a 10 dollar bill from his pocket, throws it into sh*t too and says : For 11 dollars I could do that.

What do you call a drunk person trying to unlock their car?

An uber please.

I hate being the only drunk person at the party

It totally ruined my sons 6th birthday!

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?

One fewer drunk person.

Daddy, what's it like being drunk?

A little girl goes up to her dad and asks "Daddy, what does it feel like being drunk?" "Well," the father replies "You see those 2 telephone poles over there in the distance?" he says, pointing in the direction of the poles. "A drunk person would see 4 telephone poles there." The little girl, confus...

Bad Dad

Son: What's meant by being drunk

Dad: Do you see 4 cars ahead of us, a drunk person will see that as 8.

Son: But there's only 2 cars....

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people.

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him ...

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