Home Improvement Jokes - 11 Hilarious Home Improvement Jokes

I was at my local home improvement store yesterday

And I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded "No thanks, I'm just window shopping."

Where does Steven King go for home improvement inspiration?

Home De Poe.

I love smoking weed in a home improvement store.

Best way to take your highs with your Lowe's.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For me, going to a home improvement store is like having sex.

It's all about DIY.

What do you call a home improvement store for tyrannical leaders?

Home Despot.

Every time I walk down the gadget aisle at my local home improvement store,

The stud finders go berserk.

My friend just had a medical exam to work at one of those big box home improvement stores and found out he has hemophilia. Before that the most interesting thing about him was his stylish taste in clothes.

He's the most dope hemo at home depot.

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius' home improvements?

He wants a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend's dead against it

If you need expert advice in a home improvement store, find a man between 50 and 60 years old. he has been there and done that.

don't ask the 70 year old man.
he's been there, done that, and already forgotten what you asked him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Blonde Goes Into A Hardware Store

A Blonde is doing some home improvement work and needs to replace a door. However, she needs two hinges and only has one. She goes down to the massive home improvement store to purchase the second one.

She finds an employee, who helps her find the hinge she needs. The employee decides to be h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me she would have sex with me anytime if I would do some work around the house on that day.

I took her up on her offer and the last 30 days of sex and home improvements I've replaced windows, painted inside and out, put in new flooring and updated the kitchen.

In a few weeks I'll be able to sell this place and move in with my girlfriend.

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