This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For me, going to a home improvement store is like having sex.

It's all about DIY.

Every time I walk down the gadget aisle at my local home improvement store,

The stud finders go berserk.

I was at my local home improvement store yesterday

And I was looking in the window section. An employee came over and asked if I needed any help, I responded "No thanks, I'm just window shopping."

If you need expert advice in a home improvement store, find a man between 50 and 60 years old. he has been there and done that.

don't ask the 70 year old man.
he's been there, done that, and already forgotten what you asked him.

My friend just had a medical exam to work at one of those big box home improvement stores and found out he has hemophilia. Before that the most interesting thing about him was his stylish taste in clothes.

He's the most dope hemo at home depot.

Did you hear about Oscar Pistorius' home improvements?

He wants a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend's dead against it

Why are my favorite home improvement shows about whole house fumigation?

Because they are in tents.

I love smoking weed in a home improvement store.

Best way to take your highs with your Lowe's.

What do you call a home improvement store for tyrannical leaders?

Home Despot.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife told me she would have sex with me anytime if I would do some work around the house on that day.

I took her up on her offer and the last 30 days of sex and home improvements I've replaced windows, painted inside and out, put in new flooring and updated the kitchen.

In a few weeks I'll be able to sell this place and move in with my girlfriend.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Blonde Goes Into A Hardware Store

A Blonde is doing some home improvement work and needs to replace a door. However, she needs two hinges and only has one. She goes down to the massive home improvement store to purchase the second one.

She finds an employee, who helps her find the hinge she needs. The employee decides to be h...

A man goes to the bank...

and asks for a home-improvement loan.

The loan officer asks him what home improvements he plans to do.

The man responds, "well, I'd like to send my wife on a 6-month vacation."

The loan officer replies, "sir, a vacation for your wife isn't a home improvement."

The man sa...

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