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Deprived Jokes

Everything get's funnier when you're sleep deprived.

The laughing creeps out the kidnappers though.

A man gets shipwrecked on a desert island with only a dog and a pig…

…after many weeks without the touch of a woman - the pig begins to look very attractive. One night, the deprived man begins to chance his luck with the pig. Over dinner, he tweaks its tail, plays footsie with its trotters, and cuddles in close. The dog, witnessing all this, becomes very jealous, and...

Why are huskies always drunk?

Because _whine_ runs in their blood!

You can thank my 2 AM sleep-deprived brain for this :P

I wish I lasted longer in bed

Right now I'm feeling so sleep deprived

I thought getting a double limb amputation would be all right

But now I have nothing left.
Sleep deprived me has a very low bar for comedy.

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A zookeeper notices his prize gorilla was getting aggressive..

She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't sleep. And she constantly kept trying to attack the zookeeper. So, he did some research and found out female gorillas can become depressed and aggressive when deprived from sex.

The zookeeper then looked around for another male gorilla for her to engage in inte...

How do ghosts become friends?

They bond over boos.





I made this up while sleep-deprived last night. I am sorry.

How is the GOP like a blizzard?

It's all just a bunch of white snowflakes covering everything up.



In my very sleep-deprived state, I came up with that and managed to make myself laugh. Hopefully you get a chuckle out of it. Have a nice day!

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A woman is looking around in a flea market.

A bearded man calls out to her, pointing out to a pair of sandals. "You look like the kind of woman who is sexually deprived, no?"

The woman, thinking about how long it had been since her husband made love to her, nodded. The man took her to a room behind his stall and said, "I give you trial...

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A man with a bad toothache visits his dentist

The dentist tells him that he has a cavity that is severely infected and that he will need to get the tooth pulled.

The man says that he will think about it and goes back home. He tells his wife that he doesn’t want to undertake the dental procedure until after the holidays and that he will ...

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A ship goes out to sea and crashes.

6 people (1 woman and 5 men) survive and use a safety raft to float to this deserted island. Well, after spending several weeks on the island, they all begin to get really lonely and sexually deprived.

So they come to this agreement.

All of the men will marry the one woman for a we...

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A city doctor is deployed in a tribal area.

After six months of serving there,he is sexually deprived. He finally opens up to a villager he had befriended.

he asks, "Here aren't any women. How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?"


"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you."


The next ...

Village Atheist

In a small village in the middle of the countryside, there is only one atheist. He sells insurance for a living. But, he grows old and one day gets really sick. On his death bed, he calls for the village priest, who is obviously a very devout catholic.

They talk for an entire day, and during ...

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A disheveled man with a shrunken head walks into a bar.

After a few drinks he starts to relax, so the curious bartender feels comfortable enough to inquire about the man's tiny noggin.

"Sorry to be intrusive.. but how did you end up with such a tiny head?" Asks the bartender.

The man replies: "I was the captain of an elite naval vessel pat...

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The bald man and his wig

A bald man wearing a wig, along with his wife, go to the movie theater. After lights out, the man somehow loses his wig. He uses his hand and searches for it around his seat. His wife, having been deprived of sex for so long, uses this opportunity and takes his hand and puts it under her panties. Hi...

A Chinese man dies and leaves behind his wife...

She absolutely refuses to accept his death and travels far and wide to find someone who can bring him back from the dead.

Finally she finds someone who can do it and his lifeless body is once again living and breathing. She says "Honey I couldn't let you go."


He sighs deeply and s...

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A man is stranded in a desert...

...for several days with his camel. He is tired and he has almost given up all hope. He is also sexually deprived and wants to fuck someone. He decides to have sex with his camel.

So he mounts and gets into position. But the camel shakes him off and runs away. The tired man runs and catches ...

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Sand paper sally

So a guy gets out of prison. He has been locked up about 15 years but the day has finally come and he is loving life.
He gets released and has the clothes on his back and give dollars to his name.
Above all else, before food, lodging, anything. This man wants some pussy.
So, he goes to a br...

The snake in the desert

N.B. The joke only works if you use American pronunciation, but it's a long joke and I didn't want people to get to the end and complain there's no punchline.

A man named Steve is stuck in a dead end job, 9-5, 7 days a week in a little run down office in the middle of town. He hates it and h...

One Day at Work...

...a man hears a Ghostly Voice speak to him: "Quit your job, sell your car, sell your house, take the money and go to Vegas..."

Figuring he was just sleep deprived, he ignored the Voice, but the next morning, he heard the same voice: "Quit your job, sell your car, sell your house, clear out y...

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Tom the soldier in the desert.

An army is in the desert for several upcoming months.
The sergeant tells his troops: "Well, I know the climate is harsh and that you won't have a lot of entertainment here as there is no women. But, in case you cannot stand the pressure anymore, you will be allowed to take the camel behind this ...

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