An ice cube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

“Bunsen... My flame...I melt whenever I see you," confessed the ice cube.

*“Chill, it’s just a phase you’re going through.”*

If you’re ever choking on an ice cube

Just wait,

Skull shaped ice cubes are pretty cool

Well, for a few minutes at least.

Oftentimes i find myself putting ice cubes on my eyeballs.

I think its because i wanna look cool.

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.

earlier today I dropped an ice cube

It slipped under the refrigerator and I couldn't reach it. I was really upset about it at first but now I'm over it. water under the fridge.

I went in to Dragon’s Den today with my ice cube company

But it didn’t go well and it went in to liquidation.
Not cool.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What would you get if you shove some ice cubes in your asshole?

Some cool shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ice Cube talking about why he doesn't want his girlfriend to role play as a cop.

"When I said fuck the police, this isn't what I meant."

My friend asked me what the name of that famous ice cube movie was.

I replied, "Titanic?".

Today I learned that I can make an ice cube melt just by concentrating on it and thinking ''Melt.''

I have to admit that it takes a lot longer than I expected.

What did the ice cube say to the glass of water?

I’m cooler than you

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I swallowed an ice cube two days ago...

and haven’t pooped it out yet. I’m really scared you guys!

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

Someone told me I could make ice cubes out of leftover wine

I'm confused... What is leftover wine??

Why did the hipster empty water from an ice cube tray into his drink?

He liked ice before it was cool

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Ice Cube say when his Teletubbies rental expired?

Fuck the Po lease

I don't understand why Ice Cube hates the police so much...

They are a really good band

Did you ever hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a very well thawed out plan

A friend was freezing some ice cubes for me.

Let's say he was doing me a solid.

Ice Cube is 48 years old, but still hasn't melted. Do you know why?

Man's not hot.

How to make an ice cube melt faster?

Talk to it and get into a heated argument

If Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg adopted a child...

they could call it Slush Puppy :)

Ice cubes are very badass

I mean they float around their own blood

I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

I was filling my water bottle from the freezer door, and an ice cube fell out and slid out of reach

I was about to get angry but then I realized, no, now it’s just water under the fridge

Did you know I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind.

Takes quite a white though.

An ice cube decided to wear a new hat

A nice man saw this, and said to the ice cube: "Looking solid, dude!"

The ice cube absolutely melted at this sweet compliment.

Now he's looking liquid, dude.

What did Ice Cube say when he left Iraq?

Bye Fallujah!!!

Why did the ice cube kill itself?

It felt so Ice-olated

I got arrested for giving criminals glasses of ice cubes.

Apparently you're considered to be a vigilante if you hand out just ice on the streets.

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.

Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ice cubes in ice tea.

It's almost time for him to pull out.

Did you hear Ice Cube converted to Judeaism?

He changed his name to Ice Berg.

How can you tell that an ice cube didn’t graduate from college in the US?

Because it has 0 degrees.
Also because it uses the Celsius scale.

A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand

The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am......

.....


an Ice Cube

Cred: Russell Peters

Two depressed men are sitting at a bar drinking whisky

Suddenly one of them remarks: "Have you noticed the new ice cubes? They have a hole in the middle!"

"They're not new", the other one replies. "I have been married to one for 20 years!"

My mother woke me up with the sentence „Hey, we‘re getting new phones!“

I was happy, but not sure why I woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes.

Two guys are at a bar

One of them is looking at his drink and asks "have you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it?" The other guy replies "yeah, I'm married to one".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

Ice

Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice, and Ice-T walk into a bar.

The bartender says: “Wow, it’s cold in here!”

I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee.

I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly.

At the window, there was a delay.

Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated.

"I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting."

Iceberg

A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.

One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns...

I tried sniffing Coke once...

But the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

A guy from iceland and a girl from cuba get married.What are their children called?

Ice cubes

Onboard the Titanic...

While cruising aboard the Titanic, an engineer boasts to his dinner companions, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God can't sink her!"

Overhearing what the engineer said, God started laughing so hard that he spilled his glass of water and ice cubes went flying everywhere.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero pro...

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest was assigned to a new church

He was really stressed out during his first mass; he could barely speak to the people. Before his second mass, he visited his superior and asked him how to suppress his nervousness. His superior told him to add some vodka into his water and after a few sips, he'd immediatly feel more relaxed.
...

I like to tease my plants...

When I water them I use ice cubes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children,

can the children be considered ice cubes?

What's black and rhymes with Eazy E?

Ice Cube

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three vampires walk into a bar...

The bartender asks the first vampire what he wants to drink. He replies, through a thick Transylvanian accent, "Warm blood." The bartender pulls a live rat out from under the bar, cleaves its head off, and drains the blood into a glass.

He asks the second vampire what he wants to drink, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A giraffe walks into a bar...

He asks the bartender, "Do you have any giraffe drinks?"

The bartender thinks for a second and comes back with a drink with the longest straw you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the offended giraffe exclaims, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the bar. He asks the b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 men at the gates of heaven...

Sadly though, heaven is too full and only one of them can make it across. God suggests that he will choose the man with the saddest death. The first guy goes,"I thought my wife was cheating on me, so one day, I decided to go home early to check. After I got home though, I found my wife in the shower...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scientist husband

Wife called her scientist husband...


"Honey... It's Saturday... and you are late."


*Husband:* I'm busy with my team in an experiment.


*Wife:* What's that?


*Husband:* We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH *(alcohol)* with ambiant temperature H2O *(wate...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.