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Ice Cube Jokes

If you’re ever choking on an ice cube

Just wait,

What did the ice cube say to the glass of water?

I’m cooler than you

If you accidentally drop ice cubes on the floor, just gently kick them under the refrigerator.

Soon it’ll be just water under the fridge.

An ice cube fell in love with a Bunsen burner.

“Bunsen... My flame...I melt whenever I see you," confessed the ice cube.

*“Chill, it’s just a phase you’re going through.”*

I dropped an ice cube next to the freezer. It melted and got my sock wet the next time I went to the kitchen.

I was mad at first, but now it's mostly water under the fridge.

Today I learned that I can make an ice cube melt just by concentrating on it and thinking ''Melt.''

I have to admit that it takes a lot longer than I expected.

My father is Cuban and my mother is from Iceland. So i am......

.....


an Ice Cube

Cred: Russell Peters

My friend asked me what the name of that famous ice cube movie was.

I replied, "Titanic?".

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What would you get if you shove some ice cubes in your asshole?

Some cool shit

I went in to Dragon’s Den today with my ice cube company

But it didn’t go well and it went in to liquidation.
Not cool.

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Ice Cube talking about why he doesn't want his girlfriend to role play as a cop.

"When I said fuck the police, this isn't what I meant."

Ice Cube is 48 years old, but still hasn't melted. Do you know why?

Man's not hot.

How to make an ice cube melt faster?

Talk to it and get into a heated argument

If Ice Cube and Snoop Dogg adopted a child...

they could call it Slush Puppy :)

An ice cube decided to wear a new hat

A nice man saw this, and said to the ice cube: "Looking solid, dude!"

The ice cube absolutely melted at this sweet compliment.

Now he's looking liquid, dude.

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it.

Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.

Why did the hipster empty water from an ice cube tray into his drink?

He liked ice before it was cool

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What did Ice Cube say when his Teletubbies rental expired?

Fuck the Po lease

Did you ever hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?

You could say it was a very well thawed out plan

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I was confused the other day when someone told me I can make ice cubes with left over wine.

What the fuck is "left over wine"?

Ice cubes are very badass

I mean they float around their own blood

Why did the ice cube kill itself?

It felt so Ice-olated

A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand

The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, "I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."

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Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

A friend was freezing some ice cubes for me.

Let's say he was doing me a solid.

Did you know I can melt an ice cube using the power of my mind.

Takes quite a white though.

I was filling my water bottle from the freezer door, and an ice cube fell out and slid out of reach

I was about to get angry but then I realized, no, now it’s just water under the fridge

How can you tell that an ice cube didn’t graduate from college in the US?

Because it has 0 degrees.
Also because it uses the Celsius scale.

Ice

Ice Cube, Vanilla Ice, and Ice-T walk into a bar.

The bartender says: “Wow, it’s cold in here!”

I got arrested for giving criminals glasses of ice cubes.

Apparently you're considered to be a vigilante if you hand out just ice on the streets.

Two old guys are at a bar drinking a scotch on the rocks

First Guy: looking at his ice cubes, " these ice cubes have holes in them, when did they invent this stuff?"

Second guy: "Must be a long time ago, I have been married to one for forty years."

Two guys are at a bar

One of them is looking at his drink and asks "have you ever seen an ice cube with a hole in it?" The other guy replies "yeah, I'm married to one".

I Want to Make a Band called Mashed Potatoes

Then go on an Ultimate Tour with Meatloaf, Korn, Bread, Red hot Chilie Peppers, Salt-N-Pepa, The Cranberries, The Black Eyed Peas, Orange Juice, Ice Cube and Cake!

*I know a few are dead and some of them suck but I tried damn it, lol

I used to snort coke…

But the ice cubes kept getting stuck in my nose.

I like to tease my plants...

When I water them I use ice cubes.

I used to worry about the ice cubes I’d kick into the abyss under the refrigerator.

But I figure, what the hell.

It’s old water under the fridge.

My mother woke me up with the sentence „Hey, we‘re getting new phones!“

I was happy, but not sure why I woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes.

Two depressed men are sitting at a bar drinking whisky

Suddenly one of them remarks: "Have you noticed the new ice cubes? They have a hole in the middle!"

"They're not new", the other one replies. "I have been married to one for 20 years!"

If a Cuban man marries a woman from Iceland and have children,

can the children be considered ice cubes?

A guy from iceland and a girl from cuba get married.What are their children called?

Ice cubes

Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet

Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?

Iceberg

A couple icebergs in Antarctica are best friends. They grew up together and have known each other since they were ice cubes.

One iceberg decides he's tired of all the cold weather, he tells his best friend he's going on a warm vacation for a couple weeks. A couple weeks pass by and he returns...

Blonde Inventions

The water-proof towel

Glow in the dark sunglasses

Solar powered flashlight

Submarine screen door

A book on how to read

Inflatable dart board

A dictionary index

Powdered water

Pedal powered wheel chair

Water proof tea bags

Zero pro...

I used to get irrationally angry at ice cubes and throw them onto the floor.

But now it's just water under the fridge.

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3 men at the gates of heaven...

Sadly though, heaven is too full and only one of them can make it across. God suggests that he will choose the man with the saddest death. The first guy goes,"I thought my wife was cheating on me, so one day, I decided to go home early to check. After I got home though, I found my wife in the shower...

Onboard the Titanic...

While cruising aboard the Titanic, an engineer boasts to his dinner companions, "This ship is so seaworthy that even God can't sink her!"

Overhearing what the engineer said, God started laughing so hard that he spilled his glass of water and ice cubes went flying everywhere.

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A giraffe walks into a restaurant...

He asks the waiter, "Do you have any food specifically for giraffes?"

The waiter thinks for a second and comes back with a plate of spaghetti with the longest fork you've ever seen.

"Asshole!" the giraffe says, and he walks out.

The next day, a penguin walks into the restauran...

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Scientist husband

Wife called her scientist husband...


"Honey... It's Saturday... and you are late."


*Husband:* I'm busy with my team in an experiment.


*Wife:* What's that?


*Husband:* We've just added a derivative of C2H5OH *(alcohol)* with ambiant temperature H2O *(wate...

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Three vampires walk into a bar...

The bartender asks the first vampire what he wants to drink. He replies, through a thick Transylvanian accent, "Warm blood." The bartender pulls a live rat out from under the bar, cleaves its head off, and drains the blood into a glass.

He asks the second vampire what he wants to drink, and...

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A priest was assigned to a new church

He was really stressed out during his first mass; he could barely speak to the people. Before his second mass, he visited his superior and asked him how to suppress his nervousness. His superior told him to add some vodka into his water and after a few sips, he'd immediatly feel more relaxed.
...

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The Sami temperature scale

(ed: the Sami are an indigineous people living in the northern parts of Scandinavia, also called Lapland)

+10°C: Inhabitants of Helsinki turn off the heat. The Sami plant flowers.

+5°C: If the sun rises over the horizon, it's sunbathing time for the Sami

+2°C: Italian cars won't...

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