UPJOKE
foldrumplepuckercrumplefold upwrinklecrimplinebendflexurekinkseamcrispgrazecrinkle

Creased Jokes

I went to my blonde doctor to ask what was wrong with me

I sat in the blonde doctor's office and told her I was feeling tired and short of breath. She took out her stethoscope, placed it against my chest and listened for a moment.

"You have an iron deficiency.", she said

"You can tell that just from listening to my heartbeat?", I asked.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Sex Shop Fatality.

A man walks into a sex shop to purchase some see-through lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from £50 to £150 in price, the more see-through, the higher the price. He opts for the sheerest item, pays the £150 and takes the lingerie home. He presents it to his wife and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Woody Allen's Moose hunting joke

I shot a moose once. I was hunting upstate New York, and I shot a moose. And I strapped him onto the fender of my car. And I'm driving home along the West Side Highway, but what I didn't realize was that the bullet did not penetrate the moose. It just creased the scalp knocking him unconscious. And ...

It is early January of 1793. The commotion outside of the Castle of Versailles is growing louder by the minute. Louis XVI, however, is not bothered, as he is getting his new suit matched, pleated and frilled in his chambers by his favorite tailor.

"Ah yes, Poilon, superb work with the gold thread on my boot leather as per usual. And now: the silk pants with Morocco pearls."

"Y-your Majesty... I think they're breaking down the front wall."

"Nonsense! Clothe me or I shall have you beheaded!"

"Absolutely, your majesty! There...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three programmers were condemned to death by....

Three tech gurus were sentenced to be executed. They were to be executed by a century old guillotine. The first guy, a microsoft engineer is secured at the bottom of the frame. The blade is released but slows down gradually and stops a few inches before the nape of his neck.

Considering it as...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.