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Count Dracula Jokes

Why did Count Dracula fail art class?

He could only draw blood.

What's Count Dracula's favorite punctuation?

A period.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Count Dracula walks into a bar...

and asks the bar man for a cup of boiling water. The bar man quickly returns with the water as requested, and puts it on the bar in front of Dracula. Curious, the bar man says to Dracula "Forgive me, but I thought you vampires only drank blood, what do you want the hot water for?" Dracula takes a us...

Count Dracula returned a mirror to my shop yesterday

He said it wasn't faulty, he just couldn't see himself using it.

While watching Dracula, I was surprised by how good he was at playing the church organ. But then, you know what they say about Count Dracula.

His bite is worse than his Bach.

Vampires aren't real.

Unless you count Dracula.

Are Monsters good at math?

Not unless you Count Dracula.

Happy Spooktober everyone.

I was trying to remember all the vampires I know.

But I forgot to Count Dracula.

I tried to make a comprehensive list of all the vampires in classical literature.

But I forgot to Count Dracula.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"So, Doctor van Helsing, we meet at last," said the Count.

van Helsing turned slowly. The castle library was lit in patches by the bright moonlight spilling through the windows, and otherwise only in a circle of yellow gold by the Dutchman's candle. He had never even heard the door open or a hint of a footfall; and yet there Count Dracula was, less than twe...

Just as the Count was about to pounce on van Helsing, the door to the library was flung open.

Incontinently, a host of furious villagers stormed into the library, waving blazing torches and voicing dire threats. The Count turned to leap on them, then reeled back, repelled at the reek of garlic that wafted from them like a solid thing.

"Count Dracula!" cried the burgomaster, a solid ci...

What do you call a stupid vampire?

Can’t count Dracula

There are 3 types of Dracula that use Reddit

Those that can Count Dracula, and those that can't.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dracula in Italy

Count Dracula, fed up with the miserable weather in Transylvania, decides to take a holiday, so he packs up his coffin and capes and heads to Rome for a long weekend.
Upon arriving at his hotel the concierge greets him and asks if has a reservation.
"Yessss," replies the Count. "I am Dracula,...

How many vampires does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

It depends if you Count Dracula.

I saw a vampire for sale at half price in the shop

It was a dis-count Dracula

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Vampires!

So a Man and His newly wedded wife were about to have Sex in this Transylvanian Hotel. She was lying on the bed, dress in nothing but her tiny lingerie. Just when he was about to get on the bed with her and do the deed. A Vampire crashed through the roof between them. It stood there, menacingly, and...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Party Pooper

Why isn’t Count Dracula invited to more parties?

Because he’s a pain in the neck!

Collection of dog Jokes

what do you call batman's dog? a Bat Terrier

What do you call sleeping puppies? Hush Puppies

what do you call a magic dog? A; a labra-cadabra-brador

what do you call count draculas dog? a blood hound

why is it called a litter of puppies? because theyll trash the place
...

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