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At a hypnosis show

A hypnotist was hypnotising a group of people in an auditorium using a pendulum.

Suddenly, the pendulum fell and the hypnotist said "Shit!"

And it took three days to clean the hall.

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Hypnosis

A woman comes home and tells her husband, 'Remember those headaches
I've been having. All these years? Well, they're gone.'

'No more headaches?' the husband asks, 'What happened?'

His wife replies, 'Margie referred me to a hypnotist & he told me to stand in front of a mirror, St...

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I recently went to get hypnosis therapy for smoking. I was under his control and everything was going great.

Until he stubbed his toe and yelled “fuck me!”

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During It's 60th Year Anniversary, an Old Folk's Home Decided to Get a Magician to Perform.

This Magician Was Unlike Any Other Magician. He Specialised in Hypnosis.


That Day, He Brought His Family's Heirloom, a Pocket Watch Made of Gold.


At Noon, Everyone Gathered At the Home's Hall, Waiting for The Magician's Arrival.


Upon Arriving, the Magician Pulled Out...

The Scots invented hypnosis, chloroform and the hypodermic syringe.

Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to a woman?

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My kink is to have sex under hypnosis.

I guess I'm trancesexual.

I will never forget the day I got married.

I've tried everything: drugs, alcohol, even hypnosis.

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A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection plates each Sunday.

Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked. 

"It's very simple. First you turn up the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then preach in a monotone...

Under regression hypnosis I revealed that I hurt my knee as a child.

Now I'm being charged with previous bodily harm :(



\[My first post on this sub, made the joke up last night. Be gentle! And US readers may not get it sorry.\]

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A man goes to the psychiatrist and tells him that every day he passes a delicatessen.

In the window of the deli is a pickle slicer, slicing pickles. He tells the doctor that he has this urge, every time he passes, to put his
penis in the pickle slicer.

The shrink calms him down and asks him a little more about himself, trying to talk him out of it. He suggests he take a ...

A Classic!

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in af...

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The power of suggestion

Once, a hypnotist bombastically said he would take everyone in the hall together into a “let go” state of hypnosis all at once. “I want you each to keep your eyes on this antique watch. It’s a very special watch. It has been in my family for six generations,” he said. He began to swing the watch gen...

Did you hear about the albino clairvoyant master hypnotist from San Francisco?

He was a super pallid Cali mystic, expert at hypnosis.

(Today I had wanted to tell someone the Gandhi joke I read on here the other day, but I couldn't remember it so I made this up and thought I may as well share it even though it's purely derivative.)

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A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home

A famous hypnotist is performing at a retirement home. He decides to try mass hypnosis.

He starts by telling everyone that it is a speacial day as he will be using a family heirloom, a pocket watch that is more than 200 years old. He asks the audience to focus on the watch as he swings it fro...

I tried...

I tried reading a book about self-hypnosis but it keeps sending me to sleep.

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Elephants Never Forget

Frank owned a full grown African Elephant and due to the rising costs of living, he found it was getting expensive to feed his pet.

Frank thought long and hard for a solution and upon watching a circus program on T.V. thought of the perfect scam to make some quick money.

You see Fran...

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