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Chinese Restaurant Jokes

Who is the laziest person in a Chinese restaurant?

Susan

A doctor is eating a late lunch at his favorite Chinese restaurant when he hears the dreaded words:

"Is there a doctor in the building?!"

He strides to the back where he sees the manager and a patron who looks pale and shaky.

"We've just had two people come down with some kind of sickness," the manager says, "the lady here, and another gentleman in the bathroom."

"How do you ...

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise".

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.

"Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. ...

I went to a Chinese restaurant and picked up a menu that said “10% off.”

So I picked up nine more menus and got myself a free meal.

I ordered wonton soup at a local Chinese restaurant, but they misunderstood my order.

In unrelated news, I'm opening a soup kitchen.

There is only one thing I don’t like about ordering duck in a Chinese restaurant

The bill

A man lived above a Chinese restaurant.

One night, he was trying to sleep but the restaurant's bright neon lights kept him awake. So he went downstairs to ask the owner of the restaurant if he could turn off any of the lights. "I'm afraid I can't," replied the owner, "but I can dim sum."

Why do strip malls love renting space to Chinese restaurants?

Because they’re lo mein tenants.

I ordered from this Chinese restaurant recently

(won't name them) went to pick it up and as I was driving back home heard the bags rustling and moving. I thought what on earth is that? Has something gotten into the bag? I thought I could see a little pair of eyes peering out.

Because I was driving at the time, I pulled over, leaned forwar...

A Chinese restaurant owner arrives home very drunk.

He crawls into bed next to his wife and shakes her awake, whispering, " Hey honey, how about a little 69?"

She jumps out of bed, livid, and yells at him, "You come home at 3am, stinking of whiskey, wake me up, and have the nerve to ask me for some pork fried rice, chicken chow mein, and an eg...

Why do they hate food fights in Chinese restaurants?

Because it's wonton violence.

Jean-Luc Picard just opened a Chinese restaurant.

It's called Make It Tso.

An American couple is at a Chinese restaurant.

The husband says "waiter, my wife's chicken is rubbery". Waiter replies, "yes, I think you're wife is rubbery too".

Last night my friend trashed a Chinese restaurant...

Told him I was horrified by his wonton destruction

Why are the lights always low in a Chinese restaurant?

Because they dim-sum.

What do they serve at the medicore Chinese restaurant?

General so-so's chicken

Did you hear about the food fight at the local Chinese Restaurant?

Everybody was Kung Pao Fighting!

I called a Chinese restaurant,

the man replied " Hello, I am Wan King the chef."

I replied "It's OK, I'll call you later."

What do you call a balding lion in a Chinese restaurant?

Low mane.

Did you hear about the man who went out for some exercise and ended up robbing a Chinese restaurant?

Police say he told his wife he was just going to take a wok.

I told the manager at the Chinese restaurant that my meat was rubbery.

He thanked me.

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Have you ever had sex in a Chinese restaurant?

Its Wei Fun

Whats the difference between going to war with China and eating at a Chinese restaurant?

Wanton destruction vs Wonton consumption

What do Chinese restaurants do when their lights are too bright?

Dim sum

A man rang the Chinese restaurant to order some food...

"Can I speak to Ha-Fin?"

"No, Ha-Fin is out."

"Is that Ha-Fout?"

"No, Ha-Fout is not in."

"Well, who is that?"

"I'm Ha-Fup, the receptionist."

"Sorry, I'll call you back when you're not busy."

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I phoned a Chinese restaurant. A guy answered and said "Hello, I'm Wang King the chef"

I said "Don't worry, l'll call back later when you're not busy "

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So, some asshole beat up a kid for twirling a sign advertising the local Chinese restaurant

The guy's a raging signophobe

A man goes to a Chinese restaurant

After the meal he open his fortune cookie. Inside it reads:

"Your charm and wit make admirers of many."

Although flattered, the man feels disappointed because he was expecting his fortune told. He pulls the waiter aside and asks for another fortune cookie. Inside it reads:

"Your...

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NSFW... A waitress and a chef at a Chinese restaurant go into the walk in fridge at work.

They are both overtaken with horniness and start to fool around.

The waitress says, "I want 69."

The chef says, "Why do you want Beef with Broccoli now?"

I was sitting in a Chinese restaurant, thinking about how duckling means little duck.

So, I canceled my order of dumplings.

What does an Italian chef make in a Chinese restaurant?

Ciao Mein.

Was in a chinese restaurant....

opened the fortune cookie.

Inside was the guy's check next to me.

I said, "Hey buddy, I got your check."

He said thanks.

(Classic from Rodney Dangerfield)

Two Jewish guys go to a Kosher Chinese restaurant.

Their Chinese waiter greeted them in Yiddish, took their order in Yiddish, made small talk with them in Yiddish, gave their order in Yiddish, and took their bill in Yiddish.

On their way out, the two guys tell the restaurant owner what a pleasant surprise it was for them be able to talk with ...

A Mexican goes into a Chinese restaurant

Looks at a bottle of soy sauce and says "yes, yes you are."

Many Chinese restaurants have names like, Golden Palace, Golden Lotus, Golden Dragon...

But mine is named after my favourite dish, Golden Retriever.

Heard about the new German-Chinese restaurant?

The food is great, but an hour later, you're hungry for power.

Lately, i called a chinese restaurant for a reservation

i also mentioned that i would bring my little dog.
They told me: "No outside food allowed!"

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Two Jewish men were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York

Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Chinese restaurant in New York. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in China?’

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Chinese Jews?'<...

I was walking my dog through the neighborhood when his leash broke, he ran off, and headed straight into a Chinese restaurant.

I ran inside and found him in the kitchen. To my horror, he was peeing on all the cookware! The cooks were yelling at him angrily, so I stepped in and said, "Please don't be mad at him. I'm the one who said he needed to go on a wok."

I was getting trained as a cook in a chinese restaurant

Well, it was really more of a wok through

As a landlord, the most laid-back renters I ever had were a Chinese restaurant.

They were lo mein tenants.

Chinese restaurant

A man goes to a restaurant and without letting the waitress give him the menu says "I want a Medium Rare Ribeye steak with Roasted Potatoes in Marinara sauce." The waitress timidly responds "Sir. This is a Chinese restaurant." To which the man replies "Oh! I'm sorry. I want a Medium Lale Libeye stea...

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A couple who own a Chinese restaurant are having sex.

The man says "I wanna 69". The woman says "Why you want sweet sour pork now?".

Did you hear about the officer who shot his pistol into the Chinese restaurant?

He was charged with wonton endangerment.

Did you hear about the Chinese restaurant that got destroyed?

Biggest case of Wanton destruction I've ever seen.

One day, Obi-Wan and Luke visit a Chinese restaurant.

Obi-Wan is eating normally, but Luke is having so much trouble with the chopsticks he's spilling the food all over the table.

Eventually, Obi-Wan becomes angry and says, "Use the forks, Luke!"

I was chopping up some leftover dumplings from my soup at a Chinese restaurant when suddenly it hit me...

I was engaging in acts of wonton destruction.

A couple went to a Chinese restaurant and ordered the Chicken Surprise.

When the food arrived it was in a cast iron pot.

The boyfriend reached over only to have the lid pop up, and staring back at him were two beady eyes. Then the lid slammed down.

The couple was weirded out by this, but the boyfriend reached over again only to have the lid pop back up and...

What was the man arrested for after blowing up a Chinese restaurant?

Wonton violence

A couple that ran a Chinese restaurant were in bed...

... when the husband turned to his wife and said "do you want to try 69?" And the wife replied, "why do you want sesame chicken now?"

I broke my leg so I can't go to any Chinese restaurants

I can't wok

A regional manager of a Chinese restaurant chain was visiting one of the stores around the holidays.

He was there to check how the store was doing, making sure safety protocols were in place, making sure it was clean, etc. Upon entering the restaurant he was greeted with Christmas decor, lights, garland, Santa clauses everywhere, and holiday music.
“What’s with the get up?” The manager asked. <...

Why are kitchens in Chinese restaurants so efficient?

They have a Peking order.

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A Jewish couple go to a Chinese restaurant.

The man says to the woman, "I wonder if there are Oriental Jews?" So he decides to ask the waiter. The waiter tells him to wait, and he'll go ask the chef. When he returns, he tells the man,"Chef say no Oriental jews, only olange jews and glapfloot jews."

A couple walk into a Chinese restaurant and were greeted by an Asian waiter who had an accent.

He escorted them through the restaurant and the couple picked out a table to sit at. But, just as they were about to sit, the waiter said in his accent, "It is forbidden.". The couple asked why was the table forbidden. The waiter repeated, "It is forbidden.". The couple were growing annoyed, but th...

A man marries a Chinese restaurant waitress...

On their wedding night, she says to him -

Bride: "Dear husband, I want to give you anything you want! Just name it!"

Groom: "Ooh, that's tough to chose. OK, I really want a sixty nine."

Bride (confused): "You want beef broccoli *now*?"

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I took my date to a shady Chinese restaurant

As we were having dinner she asked me if I eat pussy and I said "based off the look of this place I think I am right now"

I went to a Chinese restaurant that is open 24/7, 365 days of the year...

... the chef is a wokaholic.

A woman and her husband are eating at a Chinese restaurant.

The woman loves how artistic the Chinese language looks written, so she takes home a menu and chooses her favorite symbols and knits a sweater with said symbols on the front.

A few months later her and her husband are invited to his company's party. She decides this is the perfect time to wea...

Did you hear about the famous Chinese restaurant run by a father and his mentally challenged kid?

Ya, people really loved his dim son.

The owner of a Chinese restaurant stumbled home drunk at 3 am after a bachelor party.

He crawled into bed and, feeling a little frisky, whispered into his wife’s ear, “Hey, honey, how about a little 69?”

His wife rolled over and looked at him. “It’s 3 am,” she replied, “and you want me to make chicken with broccoli?”

I went to a Chinese restaurant and the waiter asked me if I enjoyed my meal.

I told him the chicken was rubbery and he said "thank you".

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant.

Luke and Obi-Wan walk into a Chinese restaurant. Ten minutes into the meal, Luke’s still having trouble with the chopsticks, dropping food everywhere. Obi-Wan finally snaps, “Use the forks, Luke.”

My friend took me to an authentic Chinese restaurant and when we arrived there was a pen of dogs to choose from in the entry.

That's not what I meant when I said you can pick the Spot.

A guy picks up a waitress at a Chinese restaurant...

A guy picks up an innocent, young waitress at a Chinese restaurant and after a night out gets her back to his place. After some fooling around he's ready for action and says, "How's about a little sixty-nine?" to which she replies, "You want broccoli with beef?!"

Luke Skywalker and Obi Wan are out at a Chinese restaurant and Luke is really battling trying to use the chopsticks to feed his face. ​

After a while Obi Wan turns to him and says "use the forks luke".

A group of thugs barged into a chinese restaurant recently and smashed up all the dumplings...

Such pointless wonton destruction.

The local Chinese restaurant has creme brulee, but it's not on the menu.

It's Secret Asian Flan

Luke Skywalker and R2-D2 go to a Chinese restaurant for dinner...

.... Luke scans the menu and sees his favorite egg fried rice so he say to R2-D2 “Oh I’m definitely ordering that!” Sure enough when the waiter comes along he orders the egg fried rice and a few other side dishes.

Now Luke is absolutely starving, so as soon as his meal arrives he picks up the...

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So this guy goes to a Chinese restaurant on his own for a meal...

...and he is served by the most beautiful Chinese woman he has ever seen in is life. She's gorgeous, funny, and they really get on. When he's finished his meal she suggests he has a couple of drinks and hangs around til the end of her shift, then they go on to a club. They talk & talk & laug...

Why don't Chinese Restaurant owners do their dirty dishes?

Because it's too much wok! [Sorry, I just made that up!]

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Two men walked into a Chinese restaurant and sat down to eat. To pass the time, they started talking about different countries and major religions.

"Hey Sam. You ever wondered whether there are any Jews in China?" one man asked his buddy.
"Whoa I never thought of that. Lets ask our waiter He's Chinese."

So they called the waiter and asked. "So we were curious. Are there any Chinese Jews?" one man asked.
The waiter looked confused ...

Obi-wan and Luke are getting hungry...

...so before they hit the cantina they stop off at the best Chinese restaurant in Mos Eisly.

And poor Luke, he just can NOT figure out the chopsticks. He's getting more food on him than into his mouth, and really embarrassing Obi-wan.

So Obi-wan says to him, "Use the Forks, Luke."

I tried to join a local gang of thieves that were stealing supplies from Chinese restaurants in town.

I don't think I made the cut though. They told me to go take a walk.

Last year there was a mix up at my local Chinese restaurant. The chef used Daffodil bulbs instead of onions in the chow mein and four people were hospitalised over the Christmas period.

Luckily they came out beautifully in the spring.

Did you hear about the guy who burnt down the Chinese restaurant?

He was charged with won ton destruction

^^*cue* ^^*groan*

A nervous passenger decided to purchase flight insurance at the ticket counter. She had some time before the flights departure, so she stopped in a Chinese restaurant in the concourse.

She started to shake as she read her fortune cookie:

today’s investment will pay big dividends!”

Remember that scene from A Christmas Story where the people at the Chinese restaurant were singing "Fa ra ra ra raaa..."?

They were really filled with that no-L spirit.

To impress my date I ordered my whole dinner in French.

Even the waiter was impressed because it was a Chinese restaurant.

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