Chapped Jokes - 19 Hilarious Chapped Jokes

Chapped

An old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.

The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail.

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kis...

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So a cowboy parks his horse at the saloon, ties him to the outside, kisses him on the , and walks in to have a stiff drink.

The bar keeper saw this happen, and he just had to ask. "Why'd ya kiss your horse on the before coming in? You got all over your lips!" The cowboy, cool as can be, takes a stiff drink before answering. "It's 'cuz I got chapped lips." The bartender was even more confused; "Horse manure helps...

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The Desert, a Camel, and Chapped Lips

A man is trekking across the Arabian desert with a guide and his camel.

After some time walking through the blistering heat and blowing sand, the man began to notice his lips were getting chapped. Not to be deterred, the man pushed forward, wetting his own lips with his tongue. As t...

What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

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A Cowboy Goes Into Town . . .

Two churchgoing women were walking down the street when a cowboy stopped and got off his horse.
He walked to the back of his horse and gave it a huge kiss right on the puckered .
Seeing the shocked look on the ladies faces the cowboy explained, "I have very chapped lips."
"Does tha...

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The cowpoke rides up to the saloon...

dismounts and ties up his horse, and before entering the saloon, walks around behind the horse, lifts up his tail and plants a big ol' kiss right on the horse's .
He walks into the bar and the bartender says, "Howdy pardner! Can't help but notice you're mighty friendly with your horse t...

A man is sitting outside enjoying his morning coffee when he notices his neighbor jumps off his horse, walks behind him, lifts up his tail, and kisses him right where the sun don't shine...

Curious, he walks over to his neighbor and asked him,"Excuse me Bob, did you just do what I thought you did."

"What might that be?"his neighbor answers back.

"Well near as I can tell, it looks like you hopped off old Bessie here, walk behind her, lifted up her tail, and kissed her righ...

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A farmer shoves his hand up his cows rear end...

And rubs the poop on his chapped lips

His son asks “does that help your chapped lips?”

The farmer replied “no, but it stops me from licking them.”

Two cowboys are riding the range on a bitterly cold day when one of them vaults out of the saddle and picks up a piece of a frozen cow pat.

He rubs it on his mouth for a moment and then throws it away. As he remounts, his pard gives him an odd look, so he grunts "Chapped lips".

"I see," says his pard. "That helps 'em heal, does it?"

"Nope," says the first cowboy, "but it sure stops me lickin' them."

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I refuse to participate in my girlfriend’s western fantasy, where she dresses up as a cowgirl.

I’m just not a fan of chapped lips.

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A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy walks his horse up to a bar, dismounts, hitches it, and then he walks around the horse, lifts up the tail and sticks his finger in the horse's . The bar keep notices this and soon everyone in the bar is watching through the window. He then takes the befouled finger and smears the excrem...

One-liners for when you're leaving - example: "I'm going to make like a baby, and head out."

I also use "Let's make like a chapped-, and split."

What are some other good ones?

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A cowboy goes to the stable

He lifts his horse's tail, and plants a kiss smack dab on the horses .

Another cowboy sees this and yells, "What the hell are you doing?"

He replies, "I've got chapped lips."

"Does that help?"

"Nope, It just keeps me from licking them."

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A man walked outside to get his newspaper only to find his neighbor hopping off his horse, walking behind him, picking up his tail,and kissing him right where the sun don't shine...

He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed so he decided to walk over and see if his suspicions were correct."Good morning Bill."He says.

"Howdy Frank,what brings you by?"

"Well,I'm not sure I had witnessed what I had just witnessed."

"And what might that be?"

"Well,i...

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A Cowboy rides up to a Saloon in the old west. An old man is sitting out front, whittling a stick...

...The Cowboy rides up, jumps down and ties up his horse. Then he walks around to the back of it, lifts up it's tail and kisses it right on the .

The old man sees this and is shocked. When the cowboy approaches the front door, the old man says, "Damn son, that sure was a peculiar thin...

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The more you know...

It's high noon when a stranger rides into town. His ride is not a horse but an enormous bull, with horns that appear bloodstained. The stranger is a mountain of a man standing six foot eight inches tall, seven with hat on. He wore black leather from head to toe, with a pair of pistols on his belt...

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A cowboy rides up to the bar..

and hitches his horse to the post, walks behind the horse, lifts its tail, and kisses its . The bartender notices but doesn't want to cause any trouble so just ignores it. The cowboy comes in and orders a drink, every 20 min the cowboy gets up, walks outside and lifts the horses tail, and kisse...

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as...

A man runs into a friend on the sidewalk with something white on his lips. He says, "Hey bud, looks like you have on your lips."

"It is . I put it on when my lips were becoming chapped."

He asked, "Does it work?"

"Well, I don't lick my lips anymore."

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John Wayne

rides his horse into town, ties the reins to the hitching rail, walks to the back of the horse and pokes his finger up the horses . He then proceeds to wipes the finger all around his mouth.

A man standing nearby runs over and says "Mr Wayne, why did you do that"

John Wayne replies...

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