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The Desert, a Camel, and Chapped Lips

A man is trekking across the Arabian desert with a guide and his camel.



After some time walking through the blistering heat and blowing sand, the man began to notice his lips were getting chapped. Not to be deterred, the man pushed forward, wetting his own lips with his tongue. As t...

You know why ladies don't wear mini skirts in the winter?

Cause they'll get chapped lips

Two cowboys are riding the range on a bitterly cold day when one of them vaults out of the saddle and picks up a piece of a frozen cow pat.

He rubs it on his mouth for a moment and then throws it away. As he remounts, his pard gives him an odd look, so he grunts "Chapped lips".

"I see," says his pard. "That helps 'em heal, does it?"

"Nope," says the first cowboy, "but it sure stops me lickin' them."

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Chapped Lips

Man is sitting in a bar out West with his buddy when he starts realizing that his lips are extremely chapped.

"Hey, man, you got any chapstick?" asks the man to his buddy

"Nope, sure don't, why don't you ask the bartender" says his buddy

The man asks the bartender but sadly the...

What does Joan Jett use when her lips are chapped?

Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-cherry balm!

A man is sitting outside enjoying his morning coffee when he notices his neighbor jumps off his horse, walks behind him, lifts up his tail, and kisses him right where the sun don't shine...

Curious, he walks over to his neighbor and asked him,"Excuse me Bob, did you just do what I thought you did."

"What might that be?"his neighbor answers back.

"Well near as I can tell, it looks like you hopped off old Bessie here, walk behind her, lifted up her tail, and kissed her righ...

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An old cowboy rode into town and tied his horse up in front of the bar ..

The sheriff stood there and watched the cowboy walk around the back of his horse, lift up it's tail and give a big wet kiss right on the horse's ass.
"What the hell you doin?" the sheriff asked. The cowboy replied "I got chapped lips" The sheriff said" Kissing your horse's dirty ass cures chappe...

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So, there's these two tomatoes who are best friends ...

Ever since they grew up on the vine together, they've been inseparable. They played little league together, they had home room together all through high school, they even double dated to prom and shared a limo. As time went on, though, they slowly lost touch. During university they slowly lost touch...

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I refuse to participate in my girlfriend’s western fantasy, where she dresses up as a cowgirl.

I’m just not a fan of chapped lips.

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A man walked outside to get his newspaper only to find his neighbor hopping off his horse, walking behind him, picking up his tail,and kissing him right where the sun don't shine...

He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed so he decided to walk over and see if his suspicions were correct."Good morning Bill."He says.

"Howdy Frank,what brings you by?"

"Well,I'm not sure I had witnessed what I had just witnessed."

"And what might that be?"

"Well,i...

The old cowhand came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day. The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail a few feet in front of the sheriff.

"Howdy, stranger..."

"Howdy, Sheriff..."

The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss were the sun don't shine. He dropped the horse's tail, and stepped up on the walk and aimed towards the swinging doors of the saloon. "Hold on there, M...

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A cowboy walks into a bar...

A cowboy walks his horse up to a bar, dismounts, hitches it, and then he walks around the horse, lifts up the tail and sticks his finger in the horse's ass.  The bar keep notices this and soon everyone in the bar is watching through the window. He then takes the befouled finger and smears the excrem...

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A farmer shoves his hand up his cows rear end...

And rubs the poop on his chapped lips

His son asks “does that help your chapped lips?”

The farmer replied “no, but it stops me from licking them.”

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The more you know...

It's high noon when a stranger rides into town. His ride is not a horse but an enormous bull, with horns that appear bloodstained. The stranger is a mountain of a man standing six foot eight inches tall, seven with hat on. He wore black leather from head to toe, with a pair of pistols on his belt...

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A cowboy goes down to the stable

He lifts his horse's tail, and plants a kiss smack dab on the horses butthole. Another cowboy sees this and yells, "What the hell are you doing?" He replies, "I've got chapped lips." The other cowboy asks, "Does that help?" "Nope," he answers, "It just keeps me from licking them."

One-liners for when you're leaving - example: "I'm going to make like a baby, and head out."

I also use "Let's make like a chapped-ass, and split."

What are some other good ones?

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Chicken Shit as...

A man runs into a friend on the sidewalk with something white on his lips. He says, "Hey bud, looks like you have chicken shit on your lips."

"It is chicken shit. I put it on when my lips were becoming chapped."

He asked, "Does it work?"

"Well, I don't lick my lips anymore."

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John Wayne

rides his horse into town, ties the reins to the hitching rail, walks to the back of the horse and pokes his finger up the horses butt. He then proceeds to wipes the finger all around his mouth.

A man standing nearby runs over and says "Mr Wayne, why did you do that"

John Wayne replies...

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A cowboy rides up to the bar..

and hitches his horse to the post, walks behind the horse, lifts its tail, and kisses its ass. The bartender notices but doesn't want to cause any trouble so just ignores it. The cowboy comes in and orders a drink, every 20 min the cowboy gets up, walks outside and lifts the horses tail, and kisse...

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