Your Neighbor Jokes - 28 Hilarious Your Neighbor Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to see a sex therapist

"My problem is that my neighbor says he can do it six times a night, but I can do barely three"

"Please open your mouth," the therapist says.

The man, now confused, opens his mouth, and the doctor inspects it carefully.

"I see nothing wrong here, so you should be able to lie jus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An 80-Years old man goes for a Penis Checkup...

After a brief evaluation of his penis the doctor says,

Doctor: Eveything looks fine, but for a complete analysis, we need your sperm(semen) sample too.

He gives him a small glass bottle.

Doctor: Bring this back tomorrow and then we'll proceed further.

Next day the old man...

Have you heard the joke about your neighbor?

Actually, nevermind. That might be a little too close to home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Doctor tells the 90 Year Old Man that he needs a semen sample. "Bring back the specimen tomorrow."

The next day the old man comes back with the jar in hand. It's as clean and empty as it was the previous day.
"Did you have a little trouble?" asked the doctor.
A pause, then he says, "When I got home I tried, you know? First, with the right hand. Next, with the left hand. Nothing. That I ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer gets a letter

A humble farmer goes out to his mailbox, seeing that a letter has arrived.

"Dear Ronald J. Kse,

This year we have chosen you to be the host of this year's harvest reap! All you need to do is provide your humble farm as the place of the party, and we will all provide.

Thanks, you...

What's worse than your neighbor playing the trumpet at 4 am?

Him not quite knowing how to play the trumpet at 4 am

An elderly gentleman goes to his..

doctor for a physical, checked his bloodwork, heart and lungs, everything looks great! The doctor said he had one more test to perform. He needed the man to go home to collect a sperm sample in this jar to see how his reproductive health is.

The old man says no problem with a smile.

Th...

How do you convince your neighbor to share their water with you?

Try to get a long well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was just walking past the church when the vicar turned to me and said, "Love your neighbor."

I said, "Me too - cracking pair of tits!"

If you are debating whether or not to shovel your neighbor's driveway...

Ask yourself, "would they do the same for me?"

If the answer is no, do it anyways out of the kindness of your heart.

If the answer is yes, go back inside.

Love your neighbor as you love yourself is an important lesson.

It's how I learned to give a hand-job!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How do you know if your neighbor is gay?

His dick tastes like shit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor told me to ejaculate in a jar and bring it in the next day...

So I come back the next day with an empty jar. "What happened?" The doctor asked.

"Well," I reply. "I tried with my right hand, then my left hand, but it didn't work. So my wife tried with her left hand, then her right hand, then her mouth, but it didn't work. So then my neighbor tried with h...

Dear parents

if your kids are taking long inside the bathroom and you want them to come out, simply turn off the wireless/Internet.
and you might even see your neighbor showing up at your door, asking: is there a problem?

The best part about living next to a cemetery is...

all your neighbors are quiet.

Jeffrey Dahmer was hosting Thanksgiving dinner

His mother leans over to him and whispers, "I really don't like your neighbors."

So Jeffrey whispers back, "that's OK, just push them to the side and eat your vegetables."

(I haven't told this joke since JD went to jail)

A man walks into a sperm bank with a jar in his hand

"What are you here for today, sir?" the front desk woman asks.

The man explains, "So I was here a couple of days ago and I was asked to bring a sample of my sperm. So I got home and I used both my left hand and right hand. Nothing. I asked my wife for help. She used her left hand and then her...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy drove past...

A guy drove past an isolated farm and was horrified to see an old woman yanking on her boobs while the old man was jerking off. The driver, freaked out, stopped by the next house.

"What's up with your neighbors?" He asked.

"Oh, that's Harts. They're both deaf. She's telling him to go m...

I have been terrified of something being under my bed since I was a child.

So recently I decided to go see a psychiatrist, hoping that there might be a cure. I told the psychiatrist that I have had this horrible fear of something terrible being under my bed, and even now as an adult, I find a can't sleep and am in a constant state of anxiety when I'm in the bed. He said "I...

What do you call Bojack Horseman when he moves in next door?

Your neighbor.

Heard at work today

When you see 20 cars in your neighbor’s driveway, and you’re thinking about calling the cops. Go over there and ask for a glass of milk. You know why? Because milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth. Minding your own business.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nine medical tests you can do yourself.

Wander into the back garden and piss on your neighbor’s fence (again).

If it dries quickly, you have high sodium (salt) levels and pending heart problems.

If it attracts ants your sugar level is too high and you might be diabetic.

If your piss is dark and of limited quantity, yo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Two Cow Philosophy

A CHRISTIAN DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor

A SOCIALIST: You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN: You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT: You have two cows. Your neigh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The leaders of the free world gather to discuss the problems of a struggling nation

The French start: "The Age of Enlightenment started here. We'll help spread progressive ideas."

The Germans follow: "We have a very stable economy, we'll help lower national debt."

The Japanese join in: "Our scientist are the best in the world. We pledge to help battle the spreading di...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Logic

Bob and bill are at a bar drinking and talking.

Bob: I have been taking this new class at the local university lately. The class is called logic.

Bill: tell me more

Bob: ok let me give you an example. Do you have a lawnmower?

Bill: yes

Bob: so that means you ha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old farmer and his neighbor butt heads

An old farmer lives in a world that is always a few generations behind the modern era. As the city grows, the suburbs encroach upon the rural countryside inhabitants that have stewarded these hills for the last 3 centuries. The farmer has a city-folk neighbor that moved in last year who often visits...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy moves to Alaska to get away from it all.....

After 6 months of isolation, he is starting to get lonely. On Dec 26th, there is a knock of the door for the first time. He opens the door to find a large middle aged man with a big beard and plaid shirt.

"I'm your neighbor from 11 miles down the road. I'm having a New Years Eve party and ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.