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Burps Jokes

What do you call an Eggo that burps?

A belching waffle.

What happens when the Queen burps?

She issues a royal pardon.

If a Canadian burps and says excuse me...

But no one hears him.. is he really being polite?

A man stumbles out of a bar on St. Patrick’s day, bumps into a policeman, and burps right in his face!

The cop, though startled, calmly directs him to a taxi without issue.

There was a presumption of Guinness hints.

An old lady is riding the bus...

... when a haggard young mother with a screaming baby gets on. The mother sits across from the old lady, who watches her try everything to calm the child: burps her, rocks her, tries to feed her. Nothing works. The baby continues to scream its head off. Other passengers shoot the mother annoyed look...

Invited by Office mates

Wife: Why did you just get home?


Husband: I’m so sorry. My office mates invited me to go out and we had a couple of drinks. \*burps\*


Wife: You’re drunk, aren’t you?


Husband: Me? Drunk? No! Of course not! \*burps\*


Wife: What do you mean “no”? ...

So a Belgian finds a magic lamp...

...rubs it, and a genie comes out, with your standard run-of-the-mill three wishes speech.
The Belgian wishes for a neverending pint of beer, and POOF, the glass appears in his hand, and he takes a sip of the best beer he's ever had.
The genie allows him some time to drink before asking "And...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy in full medieval armor walks into a bar

He sits down at the counter and asks the bartender for a gin and tonic.

The bartender preps the drink, but the armored man is visibly dissatisfied with the drink.

"Barkeep? Wouldst thou kindly rehome this drink in a larger glass?"

The bartender does so.

"Verily, I tha...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Forest Incident

The animals of the forest are having a meeting. For months on end, there was one big party and the forest lookes like the end of spring break. Vomit everywhere, empty bottles and trash on every clearing.

They agreed that this can't go on and voted to go teatotal. The bear was elected sheriff...

Three Englishmen

Three Englishmen were sitting at a bar having a drink and chatting it up. Suddenly, one guy spots an obviously Irish man having a drink by himself a few seats away, and they start making snide comments about him.

After a couple of drinks, one of the guys decides to confront the Irish man. He ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men walk in to a cliff side bar.

Around 10 pm, two men with brown and black hair walk in to a cliff side bar. The men sit beside each other, start hammering down drinks, and hit it off. After much laughing and joking the black haired man gets serious. He whispers to the other,
" you know, i heard the updraft on the side of this...

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