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Wimpy Jokes

A wimpy kid wears a Santa hat to school.

All the girls are giggling and talking to him, he's in heaven!

Then the school bully, jealous of the attention, snatches the hat and says , " You don't care if I wear this, do you?"

The kid says " Do you have head lice?"

"No!" says the bully.

" Well you do now! Merry Chri...

The set of dominoes I got for the holidays seems kinda wimpy.

They won't stand up for themselves, and they can be a bunch of pushovers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A wimpy-looking fellow is sitting in the corner of the bar, all by himself, staring at a beer instead of drinking it...

An hour passes, and Bubba, the local bully decides to mess with him. He walks up, grabs the man's glass and downs it in a few gulps. He slams the glass down and says, "There! That's how a man drinks a goddamn beer, you fucking pussy!"

The little guy looks up at him in horror, and then busts ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

ISIS vs Badass Marines

A large group of ISIS fighters in Iraq are moving down a road, when they hear the voice of an American from behind a sand dune- “Hey you bastards! One Marine is better than ten wimpy ISIS fighters!”

The ISIS commander quickly orders 10 of his best men over to the sand dune, where a gun battle...

I'm writing a book about my time growing up as a shy young boy with irritable bowel syndrome...

... i've decided to call it 'Diarrhoea Of A Wimpy Kid'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I used to shit my pants in school

You can read all about it in my auto biography, *Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk walks up to a barkeeper one day and says,

"If I show you a trick will you give me a free drink?"

The barkeeper says, "Depends on how good of a trick it is."

The drunk reaches into his pocket and pulls out a chipmunk and places him behind the piano. The chipmunk starts to play the sweetest jazz riff the barkeeper has ever heard...

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