Be Aware Jokes - 26 Hilarious Be Aware Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my friend if he'd give me a four letter verb that means "to be aware of"

... but that kept telling me no!

Drivers be aware

Drivers be aware. The Highways Agency found over 200 dead crows on the A421, near the Northampton roundabout recently, and there was concern that they may have died from Avian Flu. A Pathologist examined the remains of all the crows, and, to everyone's relief, confirmed the problem was NOT Avian Flu...

I'm smart enough to be aware but not smart enough to be empowered...

Sure wish I could post this on another sub.

Ladies that eat Tide pods should be aware it could negatively affect their chances for a romantic relationship. Odds are likely that it will...

...detergents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is very serious … please read and be aware:

IF YOU GET AN E-MAIL TITLED, " PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON,"

DON'T OPEN IT....
IT CONTAINS A PHOTO OF HILLARY CLINTON !!

Unlike other countries, Syria, despite all their problems, did manage to get their people to be aware of public hygiene and satefy during coronavirus.

Maybe because they already knew what Damascus.

You may not be aware of it, but NASA conducted an experiment during the Apollo mission days.

They launched a collection of cows into orbit on a prototype rocket.

It was a herd shot round the world.

The mail pilot

A man applied for a job delivering mail to remote areas by plane. The human resources officer showed him the employment contract.

He said, "you need to be aware that the U.S. Post Office has a tradition of delivering the mail no matter what, even in bad weather. So that means you will...

drunk driving.

I would like to share an experience with you, which has to do with drinking and driving. As you may be aware, some of us have had brushes with the authorities over the years. The other night I was out for dinner with a few friends. After consuming too much wine, and knowing full well that I was wast...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New company mergers

(I marked it because of the last one - not sure if it's considered , so just to be safe...)

For all of you with any money, be aware of these expected mergers so that you can get in on the ground floor and make some BIG bucks. Watch for these consolidations:

1. Hale Business S...

Taxation of captured Russian tanks in USA

Regarding tax treatment of Russian tanks entering USA:

Please be aware that any Russian tanks entering USA are subject to A-10 accelerated depreciation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hiking advisory

Hikers who visit this forest should be aware that both black bears and grizzly bears can be found here. We suggest the following precautions for your safety.

Please wear small bells on your clothing to alert wildlife of your presence so they stay away. Please have pepper spray with you at all...

The unlucky man

There was a very unlucky man , who whenever starts a job, they go bankrupt in a week, whenever he goes to a wedding, they get divorced in a month, whenever he buys a car, it get wrecked in days, ...etc

one day he decided to run away, thinking that even if he brings his bad luck abroad, ...

After a long discussion about our future, my partner and I decided to name our first born ‘No Pun’.

That way they’ll certainly be aware that they weren’t intended.

A Guy Proposing To His GF...

She interrupted him and said: but I have one flaw you should be aware of: I fart alot! Like a lot!
He giggled and said it's alright I have a problem with my nose too, I can't smell that well.

After three days of them living together ,
The guy is opening the windows of the apartment, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An anthropologist decides to study a particular Inuit tribe.

So he arranges to spend five years living among them. After about a year he hears talk of a secret society, but when he asks to join he's told no. Wanting to be thorough he persists, and eventually the tribal chief gives in. He tells the anthropologist "I have decided to allow you to join our societ...

You've been warned

A stranger enters a store and spots a sign: DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! Inside, he sees a harmless old hound asleep on the floor.
"Is that the dog we're supposed to be aware of?" he asks the owner.
"That's him," comes the reply.
"He doesn't look at all dangerous to me. Why would you post t...

Bewar this chinese takeaway

Hate to do this about a family run restaurant, but feel you deserve to know. ** Be aware **
We ordered a Chinese takeaway from this place (we won't name them while its being investigated) we went to pick it up and as we were driving home, we heard the bags rustling and moving!!!
We thought ...

An Englishman gets a job at a French restaurant...

"...halo and welcome! Before y'begin work 'ere, you must be aware of corona," says his boss, pointing at a poster of it. "It is an infectant disease dat spreads easily so all must have dissinfectant." "Understood. I'll make sure so!" the Englishman declares.

But then later the new employee di...

What you get, your husband will get it 3 times more

A woman is cleaning her attic, when she finds an old lamp. Surely enough, she rubs it and a genie pops off and tells her:

"I can grant you 3 wishes, but be aware that anything you get, your husband will get it 3 times more"

The woman asks:

"First I want to be very beautiful"...

The search for the Pacific Ocean

9 years ago, a teacher asked a kid if he knew where the pacific ocean was. He replied, "No miss! I'm not aware of the location of the pacific ocean." The teacher furious, asked him to get out and not come back to his class till he knew the location of the pacific ocean.

The boy, distraught, y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of the fairly ok jokes I know

So there's a radio station contest and you need to ring in with a made up word, the two criterion being: you need to be able to use it in a sentence and it needs to not be in the dictionary.

(RA - radio announcer, C - caller)

RA: Hello? We have our first caller on the line! Please ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Setting the ground rules of a happy marriage

After the wedding, the groom sits down his bride and goes, "I just need to tell you three things. Every Wednesday night, come sun, rain or snow, we play football with the lads. Ok?"

"Yes", replied the bride.

"Every Saturday night, me and the lads go out drinking. Regardless whether yo...

Safety brief: Bears

If you know you will be in an area where bears may be, it will be helpful to bring a couple of items with you.

First, attach little bells to your belt so that as you walk it makes noise. This will ensure that a bear will hear you from a distance and you will not startle it.

Second, car...

HOW TO DRIVE IN ATLANTA

1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, Atlana. Old-timers are still allowed to call it Alana.
2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 am to noon. The evening rush hour is from noon to 7:00 pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
3. The minimum acceptable speed on I-285 is...

One wish

Paul is walking on the beach when he founds a metal lamp, he starts to clean it and a Genie appears
- Finally, - says the Genie - 300 years waiting!, Ok human, I can grant you one wish, ask whatever you want, but be aware that my power is limited.
- Ok, let me think for a moment and... Hey! Wh...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.