UPJOKE
shirethe hobbittook clanhobbitbrandybuckmiddle-earthgandalfdwarfbreebilbo bagginsfrodo bagginseastfarthingenglish languagebirminghamthe water

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TIL, in the original draft of Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King, JRR Tolkien wrote that Bilbo Baggins died while having sex with a dwarf prostitute…

Apparently old hobbits die hard.

Bilbo Baggins wakes up and hears someone singing ‘Don’t Stop Believing’.

It was an unexpected Journey.

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

What do you call an irritating Hobbit?

Douche Baggins.

Why did Bilbo Baggins always smoke pipeweed after every meal?

IDK, force of hobbit I guess

What do you call Frodo Baggins with one leg?

Hoppit.

I don’t think Edward Norton play a good Frodo Baggins.

But Elijah Wood


*disclaimer* I tried to put this on r/dumbjokes but they’re unreasonably fickle.

Frodo Baggins recently became a vegan

He heard someone say that meat is mordor.

What is Frodo Baggins’ least favorite thing about weddings?

Being asked to be the ring bearer

I recently read that initially Daniel Radcliffe was the first choice to play Frodo Baggins, but he decided he didn't want to

I bet the producers were glad that Elijah Wood!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Bilbo Baggins' old age, he develops an addiction to Viagra.

For many years, he tries his hardest to break his bad habit, but he just can't seem to stop. Eventually, he overdoses on Viagra and dies.

The moral of the story: Old hobbits die hard.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call the bagging lady at a sex shop?

Dildo Baggins

What do you call a Hobbit who works in advertising?

Billboard Baggins

(From my son (9) who just finished Fellowship of the Ring and is well on his way to being a dad with jokes like this).

"I don't like to call it the One Ring"

"I prefer 'unexpected item in the Baggins area'"

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Who is the naughtiest hobbit? (Nsfw)

Dildo Baggins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I think my friend might be gay

I went over to his house to watch Lord of the Rings, anyway do you remember how it begins with Bilbo celebrating his 111th birthday in the shire, reuniting with his old friend, Gandalf, Bilbo reveals that he intends to leave the Shire for one last adventure, and he leaves his inheritance, including ...

Bilbo was surprised to wake one morning, and find that a Tesco had been built right next to his house

It was an unexpected item in the Baggins area

Whenever I take out the trash I always say to my wife “bilbo”

That way she knows to put a new baggins

A Lord of the Rings Joke

How did Mister Baggins know when his neighbor had died?





He read it in the Hobbituary.

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