What do you call a hobbit that works in advertising ?

Billboard Baggins

What do you call a very rude Hobbit?

A douchebaggins.

What do you call introverted Hobbits?

Shyer folk.

I dreamt that I wrote the Hobbit the other day

Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep

What do you call a Hobbit who works in advertising?

Billboard Baggins

(From my son (9) who just finished Fellowship of the Ring and is well on his way to being a dad with jokes like this).

What's the difference between a Halfing and a Hobbit?

Copyright

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

What did the Hobbits scream as they were riding the Ents into battle against Isengard?

Run, Forest, run!

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.

- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?

More doors.

What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into the wizard?

"Saruman, I didn't see you there"

Why did Bilbo Baggins live so long?

Because old hobbits die hard.

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

A hobbit always sets his cellphone to vibrate.

Because he’s afraid the ring would give him away.

My four-year-old came up with this one:

What do you call a hobbit in blue pants? Lord of the jeans.

(This was after he heard the Alexa ask, “what do you call a hobbit playing a fiddle? Lord of the Strings”)

What do you call a hobbit who’s a savvy shopper?

Bilbo Bargains

What sauce do hobbits put on everything?

Worst-in-the-shire sauce

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is the naughtiest hobbit? (Nsfw)

Dildo Baggins

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

What do you call a stylish hobbit?

Bilbo Swaggins

Hobbit: “What aviation school should we attend?”

Gandalf: “Fly U, fools.”

Why did Bilbo Baggins always smoke pipeweed after every meal?

IDK, force of hobbit I guess

What do you call an alcoholic hobbit?

A hobbitual drinker.

How many Hobbits does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, any more than two and it gets pretty crowded in there.

Once a hobbit gets to around 125 years old, they are very likely to die. And a little known fact is that, when they do, they are generally found to have a raging, post-mortem erection!

That's right, old hobbits die hard.

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

According to 'The Hobbit', Gollum was once a normal man.

The biggest mistake he made was putting on that ring, which drained him of his youth, vitality, and energy.

I got one of those when I was married.

Why couldn't the hobbit go into the bathroom?

Because it was orcuppied.

What’s a hobbits favorite drink?

Mountain Doom

Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!

What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?

Hobbitat for Humanity

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn’t get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

Samwise is preparing for his wedding...

He gathers his fellow hobbits around and then turns to Pippin.
"Pippin, I want you to be my best man."
Pippin is overjoyed, but before he can celebrate, there's a sound of someone crying, he turns and sees Frodo standing there with teary eyes.
"But Sam, what about me?" Frodo so...

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...

All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.

"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are alway...

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

What do you call a group of hobbits?

The second breakfast club

It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.

Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.

Why do hobbits eat 6 times a day?

Force of hobbit...

Why did the hobbit fall

He had a Frodoian slip

How do you become a hobbit?

Eat, shrink and be Merry!

What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly?

His Middle Girth

Why did Steve Bannon call Trump supporters working-class hobbits?

Because they're friends with grand wizards.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] An Orc and an Elf are sitting at a tavern looking at a pretty hobbit girl.

"I took her on a date last night," bragged the Orc.
"And she let me reach under the table and diddle her hairy twat!"

"Liar." Says the Elf.
"It's true! She loved it. Go ask her." Says the Orc.

So the Elf approaches the pretty Hobbit.
"Is it true that you went on a date with t...

Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?

No, but Elijah would.

Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit.

Bilbo is 7' 6" now.

People have been so nice lately that Ive begun to give them a copy of The Hobbit every time.

You know, as a Tolkien of my appreciation.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the well endowed hobbit called?

Dildo Braggins.

What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat

Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.

Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.

What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.

It's ok to turn one good book into three bad movies every once in a while...

Just don't make a Hobbit of it.

What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?

Frodo-genic

A hobbit walks into a bar

It was very low down.

How do hobbit flowers grow?

Through Frodo-synthesis.

Why did the hobbit go vegan?

Because MEAT IS MORDOR!

A new redditor comes to r/jokes

"Welcome!" Exclaims r/jokes.

"Hi," says the redditor, "tell me a funny joke please."

"Alright. Let me see what i can find." Replys r/jokes before heading off

While the redditor waits they, binge the entirety of Game of Thrones, watch the entire extended directors cut of...

A tale of Middle Earth

In the land of Gondor there lived one of the most renowned gardeners in all of Middle Earth.


All the various people would come to Master Kizal for healing herbs that could be found nowhere except his gardens. The Elves would come to him for rare tree saplings and advice on how to care f...

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

Why did Smaug's friends have an intervention?

He had a bad hobbit.

I was once obsessed with "The Lord of the Rings". The books, the movies, the collectables, everything.

Finally I was able to kick the hobbit.

I'm not saying it's hot in my house...

...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit, what is your best cheesy joke?

I'm talking the jokes that you find insanely hilarious, and everyone else just either groans or stares blankly when you tell it. I'll start.

'Been teaching hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo's good at catching, but he can't really Frodo.'

Every. Fucking. Time.

Frodo was chosen as the Ringbearer because...

it's hard to break a hobbit

Last night I was dreaming...

So last night I was dreaming that I was writing *The Hobbit* and *The Lord of the Rings* books but my wife complained that I was very loud and disturbed her sleep.

Apparently I was tolkien in my sleep.

Why are manhole covers circular?

Because Rouleaux triangles are too hard to manufacture.

What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

Why is smoking illegal in the Shire?

It's a bad hobbit.

A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."

"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.

"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."

I was buying tickets with a friend at the cinema

Staff: "for the hobbit?"

Me. : "no, she's my friend"

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo?

Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to.

I'd like two tickets, please.

- Is it for The Hobbit?

- No, she's my girlfriend.

It's so hot outside

that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In Bilbo Baggins' old age, he develops an addiction to Viagra.

For many years, he tries his hardest to break his bad habit, but he just can't seem to stop. Eventually, he overdoses on Viagra and dies.

The moral of the story: Old hobbits die hard.

I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.

You Tolkien to me?!"

- Hobbit de Niro.

Nerd joke of the week

If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?

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