What do you call a very rude Hobbit?

A douchebaggins.

What do you call a hobbit that works in advertising ?

Billboard Baggins

What do you call introverted Hobbits?

Shyer folk.

A hobbit walks into a hospital room.

His grandfather was on his deathbed. After talking to him, he laid down and closed his eyes. He slowly got an erection. Everyone in the room was slightly confused. Sensing the tension in the room, he whispered something in his grandson's ear and died. When others asked him what it was, he replied "O...

Where do the poorest Hobbits live?

The Worcestershire

Why couldn't the hobbits fly the Eagles to Mordor?

Because they were on tour and only got back at the end.

I dreamt that I wrote the Hobbit the other day

Turns out I was just Tolkien in my sleep

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

What did the Hobbits scream as they were riding the Ents into battle against Isengard?

Run, Forest, run!

Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.

- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?

More doors.

What's the difference between a Halfing and a Hobbit?

Copyright

What do you call a Hobbit who wears his pants down low?

Bilbo Saggins.

What did the drunken hobbit say when he bumped into the wizard?

"Saruman, I didn't see you there"

Hobbit: “What aviation school should we attend?”

Gandalf: “Fly U, fools.”

What sauce do hobbits put on everything?

Worst-in-the-shire sauce

What do you call a Hobbit who works in advertising?

Billboard Baggins

(From my son (9) who just finished Fellowship of the Ring and is well on his way to being a dad with jokes like this).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who is the naughtiest hobbit? (Nsfw)

Dildo Baggins

Best films of all time Lord of the rings and the Hobbit trilogies...

Now that's what I'm Tolkien about.

Why does the travelling hobbit always carry his elven cloak?

When he goes to pee in the woods and he brings out his other *precious*, he still gets the feeling that there's someone eyeing him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just found out that Bilbo Baggins died from a Viagra overdose. And that just goes to show you...

... old hobbits die hard

A hobbit always sets his cellphone to vibrate.

Because he’s afraid the ring would give him away.

What do you call an alcoholic hobbit?

A hobbitual drinker.

Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!

Once a hobbit gets to around 125 years old, they are very likely to die. And a little known fact is that, when they do, they are generally found to have a raging, post-mortem erection!

That's right, old hobbits die hard.

Why did Gandalf opt to send Frodo, of all beings, on the most perilous mission Middle-Earth had ever known?

Force of hobbit.

Ringwraiths

My daughter watching Lord of the rings:

D: “So the hobbits call the nazgul the black riders right?”

Me: “yeah”

D: “the nazgul are like: ‘yo, that’s wraithist’”

Cue facepalm.

What do you call a hobbit who’s a savvy shopper?

Bilbo Bargains

According to 'The Hobbit', Gollum was once a normal man.

The biggest mistake he made was putting on that ring, which drained him of his youth, vitality, and energy.

I got one of those when I was married.

Why couldn't the hobbit go into the bathroom?

Because it was orcuppied.

What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?

Hobbitat for Humanity

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...

All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.

"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are alway...

What do you call a group of hobbits?

The second breakfast club

It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.

Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

What do you call the shack where all the halfling nuns wearing too small shoes live?

The hobbled habited hobbit habitat.

What’s a hobbits favorite drink?

Mountain Doom

Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.

Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit.

Bilbo is 7' 6" now.

How do you become a hobbit?

Eat, shrink and be Merry!

What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly?

His Middle Girth

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn’t get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] An Orc and an Elf are sitting at a tavern looking at a pretty hobbit girl.

"I took her on a date last night," bragged the Orc.
"And she let me reach under the table and diddle her hairy twat!"

"Liar." Says the Elf.
"It's true! She loved it. Go ask her." Says the Orc.

So the Elf approaches the pretty Hobbit.
"Is it true that you went on a date with t...

Why did the hobbit fall

He had a Frodoian slip

Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?

No, but Elijah would.

People have been so nice lately that Ive begun to give them a copy of The Hobbit every time.

You know, as a Tolkien of my appreciation.

Samwise is preparing for his wedding...

He gathers his fellow hobbits around and then turns to Pippin.
"Pippin, I want you to be my best man."
Pippin is overjoyed, but before he can celebrate, there's a sound of someone crying, he turns and sees Frodo standing there with teary eyes.
"But Sam, what about me?" Frodo so...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What was the well endowed hobbit called?

Dildo Braggins.

What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat

Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.

Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.

What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.

What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?

Frodo-genic

My four-year-old came up with this one:

What do you call a hobbit in blue pants? Lord of the jeans.

(This was after he heard the Alexa ask, “what do you call a hobbit playing a fiddle? Lord of the Strings”)

Why did Bilbo Baggins always smoke pipeweed after every meal?

IDK, force of hobbit I guess

How do hobbit flowers grow?

Through Frodo-synthesis.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

Bruce Willis has been cast to play the lead role in the upcoming Lord of the Rings sequel.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

Why did Steve Bannon call Trump supporters working-class hobbits?

Because they're friends with grand wizards.

It's ok to turn one good book into three bad movies every once in a while...

Just don't make a Hobbit of it.

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

A human, an elf and a dwarf walk into a bar...

The Hobbit laughs and walks under it.

Why does Bilbo Baggins never answer the phone?

He just has the one ring.
It's a terrible Hobbit, for Shire.

A new redditor comes to r/jokes

"Welcome!" Exclaims r/jokes.

"Hi," says the redditor, "tell me a funny joke please."

"Alright. Let me see what i can find." Replys r/jokes before heading off

While the redditor waits they, binge the entirety of Game of Thrones, watch the entire extended directors cut of...

I was once obsessed with "The Lord of the Rings". The books, the movies, the collectables, everything.

Finally I was able to kick the hobbit.

I'm not saying it's hot in my house...

...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Reddit, what is your best cheesy joke?

I'm talking the jokes that you find insanely hilarious, and everyone else just either groans or stares blankly when you tell it. I'll start.

'Been teaching hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo's good at catching, but he can't really Frodo.'

Every. Fucking. Time.

Frodo was chosen as the Ringbearer because...

it's hard to break a hobbit

Why are manhole covers circular?

Because Rouleaux triangles are too hard to manufacture.

What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.

I was buying tickets with a friend at the cinema

Staff: "for the hobbit?"

Me. : "no, she's my friend"

Why is smoking illegal in the Shire?

It's a bad hobbit.

A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."

"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.

"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."

Library Inventory

A librarian in a small book collection is just finishing up the process of cataloging his physical inventory and is combing through the stacks to double-check his work. Suddenly, he sees a bit of crinkled cover just peeking out behind a shelf in the very back of the building. Confused, he steps quie...

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

I'd like two tickets, please.

- Is it for The Hobbit?

- No, she's my girlfriend.

It's so hot outside

that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.

Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo?

Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to.

I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.

You Tolkien to me?!"

- Hobbit de Niro.

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

Nerd joke of the week

If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?

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