Tolkien took 12 years to finish Lord of the Rings, a sequel to The Hobbit. No one can break that record for a fantasy sequel...

George RR Martin: Hold my beard.

How many Hobbits does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Well, any more than two and it gets pretty crowded in there.

Hobbits don’t believe in the bible

Because they can’t fathom the idea of a last supper

What happens when Smaug gets a cold and coughs up a hobbit?

He becomes Dragon Ball Wheeze.

My girl keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like "Hobbit!", "Gandalf!", and "Mordor!".

Always Tolkien in her sleep...

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

Gandalf decided to go to the Shire, and to his surprise found Frodo and Sam making meth.

"Why would you ever do such a thing!" He exclaimed.

"Well you see Mr Gandalf, after our adventure we haven't been able to feel the euphoria of being a hero until we tried this wonderful magic crys...

Why couldn't the hobbit go into the bathroom?

Because it was orcuppied.

According to 'The Hobbit', Gollum was once a normal man.

The biggest mistake he made was putting on that ring, which drained him of his youth, vitality, and energy.

I got one of those when I was married.

What do you call introverted Hobbits?

Shyer folk.

Two elves walk into a bar

A hobbit walks under and laughs

What’s a hobbits favorite drink?

Mountain Doom

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.

I was at a party in middle earth last night. TreeBeard got wasted and started dunking hobbits into a giant punch-bowl of booze. The dwarves laughed and begged for a turn. Soon, a queue of creatures had formed on his branches, eager to take the plunge. I didn’t get in line. I knew it was a trick…

Because the real punch-line is always in the calm ents

Where does the hobbit go if his house doesn't have enough doors?


Hand. Hand. River. Dirt. Gollum. Hobbits. Pockets. Pockets. Finger. Envelope. Fire. Hand. Neck. Neck. Finger. Hobbits. Neck. Neck. Neck. Pocket. Finger. LAVA.

- The Lord of the Rings Trilogy, from the perspective of the ring

Every time Galndalf sees a Hobbit he calls them Frodo.

He doesn't have Alzheimer's disease, he just does it out of force of Hobbit.

What do you call an annoying hobbit?


Which hobbit is really good at advertising?

Billboard Baggins

What do hobbit homes with no entrances need?

More doors.

Why did Steve Bannon call Trump supporters working-class hobbits?

Because they're friends with grand wizards.

Do you think Daniel Radcliffe could ever play a hobbit?

No, but Elijah would.

An Elf, a Dwarf, and a Hobbit walk into a bar...

All three proceed to eat, drink and have a good time, slamming down pint after pint of ale until finally the pub was closing. The bartender asks them how he should split the tab as it was a pretty hefty sum.

"I got this," replies the Elf as he looks at the bill. "My two friends here are alway...

Why did Bilbo Baggins live for so long?

Because old Hobbits die hard...

It wasn't easy for a group of hobbits to see their dead friend at the coroner's office.

Because one does not simply walk in the morgue door.

Why did the hobbit fall

He had a Frodoian slip

Didja hear the one about the hobbit who ruined the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring.

Why did the Hobbit put his phone on silent?

Because he was bored of the rings!

How do you become a hobbit?

Eat, shrink and be Merry!

What do you call a group of hobbits?

The second breakfast club

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What was the well endowed hobbit called?

Dildo Braggins.

People have been so nice lately that Ive begun to give them a copy of The Hobbit every time.

You know, as a Tolkien of my appreciation.

So Treebeard was carrying the little Hobbits to Isengard.

Upon arrival they found that the entrances to the grounds that surround the tower were completely blocked by other giant trees whose humanoid faces showed the sternest of expressions. Treebeard says with disappointment "we have no choice but to turn back". Merry replies "Why? Can't you just ask them...

What's it called when Hobbits build houses for other Hobbits?

Hobbitat for Humanity

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] An Orc and an Elf are sitting at a tavern looking at a pretty hobbit girl.

"I took her on a date last night," bragged the Orc.
"And she let me reach under the table and diddle her hairy twat!"

"Liar." Says the Elf.
"It's true! She loved it. Go ask her." Says the Orc.

So the Elf approaches the pretty Hobbit.
"Is it true that you went on a date with t...

I think three movies is a bit much for the hobbit.

Seems like they're really dragon it out.

Just bought the extended version of The Hobbit.

Bilbo is 7' 6" now.

Did you know that all of the Hobbit films were recorded in L.A.

Yeah, you could tell by the Smaug.

What do you call 13 dwarves and a hobbit inside a mountain?

A *smaugasbord*.

What kind of environment do hobbits live in?

A hobbitat

What do you call a hobbit that looks good in pictures?


How do hobbit flowers grow?

Through Frodo-synthesis.

What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly?

His Middle Girth

I had I dream I wrote The Hobbit, and Lord of the Rings trilogy.

I was Tolkien in my sleep.

A new redditor comes to r/jokes

"Welcome!" Exclaims r/jokes.

"Hi," says the redditor, "tell me a funny joke please."

"Alright. Let me see what i can find." Replys r/jokes before heading off

While the redditor waits they, binge the entirety of Game of Thrones, watch the entire extended directors cut of...

I was once obsessed with "The Lord of the Rings". The books, the movies, the collectables, everything.

Finally I was able to kick the hobbit.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Short summaries of our favourite movies:

A little green guy convinces a young man to kill his father ("Star Wars")

A group of people returns a lost jewel in 9 hours ("The Lord of the Rings")

The newly-started young artist's career goes to the bottom ("Titanic")

White skinhead forces black people to kill dwarfs ("The Ho...

Fellowship of the ring

As the fellowship of the ring was being formed Bilbo had been eavisdropping outside of the meeting, not being able to help his curiosity.
He had heard young Frodo take upon himself the burden of the ring, Sam, Merry and Pippin joining him on the foolish quest. Aragorn, Gimli, Legolas and Boromir ...

I'm not saying it's hot in my house...

...but a hobbit just threw a ring through the front door.

Why is smoking illegal in the Shire?

It's a bad hobbit.

Frodo was chosen as the Ringbearer because...

it's hard to break a hobbit

A man went to the movie..

A man went to the movie theater's ticket window a second time and said, "One more."

"For The Hobbit?" the ticket vendor asked.

"No," the man replied, "That's my girlfriend."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Reddit, what is your best cheesy joke?

I'm talking the jokes that you find insanely hilarious, and everyone else just either groans or stares blankly when you tell it. I'll start.

'Been teaching hobbits how to play cricket. Bilbo's good at catching, but he can't really Frodo.'

Every. Fucking. Time.

Why didn't Spock do a mind meld with Frodo?

Because he figured that would be a bad hobbit to get in to.

I was buying tickets with a friend at the cinema

Staff: "for the hobbit?"

Me. : "no, she's my friend"

Ive seen this place, filled with hills and green grass, people party and eat and just chill out. They live for hundreds of years in peace. Virtually no crime. sunshine most days, nice families, quaint neighbourhood...

anyone else notice there are no black hobbits in the shire?

Last night I was dreaming...

So last night I was dreaming that I was writing *The Hobbit* and *The Lord of the Rings* books but my wife complained that I was very loud and disturbed her sleep.

Apparently I was tolkien in my sleep.

Why are manhole covers circular?

Because Rouleaux triangles are too hard to manufacture.

What do you call 8 hobbits? A hobbyte.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

In Bilbo Baggins' old age, he develops an addiction to Viagra.

For many years, he tries his hardest to break his bad habit, but he just can't seem to stop. Eventually, he overdoses on Viagra and dies.

The moral of the story: Old hobbits die hard.

It's so hot outside

that I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.

I'd like two tickets, please.

- Is it for The Hobbit?

- No, she's my girlfriend.

Nerd joke of the week

If Frodo is a Hobbit, are 8 Frodos a Hobbyte?

I can't stop making figurines of Frodo

It's hobbit forming.

Why couldn't Frodo drop the Ring into Mt. Doom?

Force of Hobbit.

You Tolkien to me?!"

- Hobbit de Niro.