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American People Jokes

Why will the American people never convert to the metric system?

Because they'll never accept a foreign ruler.

So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton.

That is the joke. There's no punchline here.

''Mr president, what would you say is your best lie to the American people?''

"I have never lied to the American people."


"Excellent choice, Mr president. Thank you."

Mr Trump, the American people will be voting soon...what do you think of the ballots ?

"I much prefer faster songs ."

I'm sick of the people saying American people are the stupidest people in the world

Like clearly the country of Europe is the dumbest.

What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached?

“You’re fired!”

4 former US Presidents are caught in a tornado

Four former U.S. Presidents are caught in a tornado, and off they spin to OZ.

After trials and tribulations, they finally make it to the Emerald City and come before the Great Wizard.

"WHAT BRINGS YOU BEFORE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL WIZARD OF OZ? WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

Jimmy Carter...

When Trump communicates with the American people, he follows the primary rule of mushroom farming . . .

# "Keep 'em in the dark and feed 'em horsesh*t".

The American people should elect Gabe Newell president in 2020.

That way we can be 100% certain the President of the United States will not start World War III.

We, the American people have a great sense of humor.

Have you seen our President?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

American: When British people say "maths" I laugh because that's fucking stupid

British : When American people say "math" I laugh because that's fucking stupid

Me: When teachers say math I cry because I am fucking stupid

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank

Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade...

The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death'?"

She saw a sea of blank faces except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: 'Patrick Henry, 1775,' he said.

'Very good! Who said 'Government of the People, by the People, f...

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

What do Trump and Osama Bin Laden have in common?

They both hide underground from the American people. #bunkerboy

I know who is gonna win the US election

Not the american people

Donald Trump, Mike Pence, and William Barr are in a plane crash. Who is saved?





The American People

Gorbachev, Reagan, and Thatcher all meet God.

God says "I'll answer one question from each of you."

Reagan asks "How long will it be before the American people are happy, healthy, and living in prosperity?"

God replies "50 years."

Reagan starts to weep, and says "I won't live long enough to see it!"

Thatcher says "Wh...

Biden and Trump compete against each other in an election. Who loses?

The American people

Russian emergency !

Russian President Putin called President Trump with an emergency:

"Our largest condom factory has exploded," the Russian President cried.

"My people's favorite form of birth control. This is a true disaster!"

"Mr. Putin, the American people would be happy to do anything within t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nine months into his presidency...

Nine months into his presidency Donald Trump asked his advisors to poll the American people to find out what they thought America would be like by the next election.

After a few weeks fact finding the advisors returned with an answer. They said “Mr President, there are two prevailing views t...

Donald Trump calls Angela Merkel

"Angela", he said, "you need to help me! The biggest condom-factory in the US burnt down last night. We really need 1,000,000 condoms! Could you help us?"

"Sure", Angela said, "shouldn't be that much of a problem."

"The condoms must have the national colors of America. Red, blue and wh...

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