40th Jokes

“Would you like a new Mink Coat?” he asks.

“Not really,” says Mary.

“Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?” says John.

“No,” she responds.

“What about a new vacation home in the country?” he suggests.

She again rejects his offer with a, “No thanks.”
... read more

I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I th... read more

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing.
Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. Howe... read more

A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads: 'Here lies my wife, cold as ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reading: 'Here lies my husband, stiff at last."
-... read more

So the man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Lo... read more

Knowing his wIfe loved antiques, he bought a beautiful old brass oil lamp for her.

When she unwrapped it, a genie appeared.

He thanked them and gave each of them one wish.

The wife wished for an all expenses paid, first class, around the world cruise with her husband.

S... read more

"Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?"

Tom responds, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness --and a great many other qualities you wouldn't... read more

My father in law once told me the secret to a great marriage. On your 5th wedding anniversary take your wife to the old country.



On your 40th anniversary go back and get her.

Half a mile!

The ad reads: "MUSIC PRODUCER WANTED! Must be able to play piano, type 40 words a minute, and be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer!" So he decides to go apply for the job.

The hiring manager is pleased with his resume but says, "Well your resume looks good, but I have to admit S... read more

He will be cleaning the 40th floor instead of the 39th.

At the 40th college reunion, Peter met his classmate he hadn't seen since graduation. "John," he said, "you look just like you did in college. You really haven't changed a bit."

"I know," said John. " It was terrible going through college looking like a 61- year old."

This building contractor dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday.

He ends up heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.

Saint Peter shakes the guys hand and says congratulations!

The contractor is a little confused and says congratulati... read more

Two childhood male friends recognized each other at their 40th high school reunion. While they were reminiscing one asked the other..
"Hey, have you seen Alice Fortney yet?

"No, what's up with her?"

Holding his cupped hands chest high, about a foot in front of him he tells his frien... read more

For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.

For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.

For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restau... read more

Bill and Hillary are now married for 40 years. When they first got married, Bill said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”

In all their 40 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary, curiosity got the best... read more

God calls from the heavens, “it is time.”

But Jesus and his friends can’t hear over all the partying etc

On day 39, same thing. “Son, come sit by my right hand in heaven.

Still nothing.

On the 40th day, God hears that the music is especially loud and knows he’ll likely b... read more

A Sheikh was walking on the terrace of a building, when he heard the door behind him open. A sad voice followed,

"Sheikh Ahmed, I am sorry for breaking this to you. Your only daughter ran away with the son of a grocery store owner. I hear she was pregnant. Your wife had a heart attack and is ... read more

This was 2010 and she had it on blue ray, and we would watch it at least once a week at her apartment. But after like the 40th time, I confronted her and said I was tired of watching. The argument got heated; it didn't help that we were drunk. Suddenly, she pushed me and I fell on something. I turne... read more

it wasn't until he fell out the 40th story window, however, that he made a real impact.

I sent him a CD in the mail, UB40

A month later on my 40th I received a CD in the mail from him, U2

CIA director: “Sir, we have reason to believe that the greys are becoming a serious problem.”

Biden: “Really? Come on man. I mean, my wife has said that a couple times but I think they’re OK”

DOD director: “OK? Sir, if we don’t eliminate them all immediately, we may find ourselves in s... read more

One day, they were forced to take the stairs all the way up because the elevator wasn't working. One of them suggested telling one another stories in order to take their minds of their tiredness.

As they were walking up, the first manager told the story about how he met his wife.

At th... read more

A woman was standing on the deck of a cruiseship crying. A man passed by and asked why she was crying.

Woman: " This is my 40th birthday, I have no friends to celebrate with and as you can see I lost both my arms and legs in an accident when I was a child. And on top of that I've never been s... read more

Tommy was in the garden, playing in the sandbox. As he has no arms, he uses his mouth to pick up the shovels and his other sandbox toys.

As Tommy is happily playing along, his mother opens the window of their flat - which is on the 50th floor - and shouts: "Tommy! Lunch is ready!". Because to... read more

Paul got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nerviously knocked on his blind date's door. She opened it and was as beautiful and charming as everyone had said.

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don't you play with Rollo while you're waiting? He does wonderful tricks. H... read more

Four people are sitting at a bar. A native American, a trucker, a business woman, and a google employee walks up to these people, and asks them:

“Do any of you know of an important problem facing our society? If so, then we can make a doodle of it and put it on our search homepage to raise aw... read more

A couple are sitting around one evening and the man says to his wife, "Marsha, we are about to celebrate our 40th wedding anniversary. We've had a wonderful life together, full of contentment and blessings. But there's something I've always wondered about. Tell me the truth. Have you ever been unfai... read more

On the 40th day they had narrowed it down to only 2 poets. Both poets read poems back to back for 12 hours, each poem as good as the last. After the 12th hour the judge’s became exhausted and realized that this may never end as both poets were equally amazing. They had to decide a winner and they ha... read more