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100th Jokes

Grandpa’s 100th birthday party was not a huge success.

The family wheeled him in his chair out onto the lawn for a picnic. When he slowly started to lean to the right, his daughter stuffed a pillow on his right side to prop him up. A bit later, he started leaning to the left. His son straightened him up and stuffed a pillow on his left side. Soon he sta...

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A Guy goes to the bar in the 100th floor

He orders a Beer, drinks it in one go and goes to the balcony and jumps off. A guy sitting in the bar sees this and wants to call 911 but the Guy comes out of the elevator. The other guy is a bit confused but doesn't say anything. The First orders another beer, drink it in one go and goes to the bal...

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A man walked into a bar on the 100th floor of a building, chugged a pint, then jumped out of an open window.

Ten minutes later, with no injuries, he ran back into the bar, chugged a pint, then jumped out of the same window.

When he returned ten minutes later, a man asked him how he survived.

“You see, alcohol makes you warmer and heat rises. So if you chug a pint really quickly then concentra...

During a church's 100th anniversary celebration, the local priest invited former priests and the bishop to attend.

At one point, he called the children to gather at the altar and spoke to them about the significance of the day.

He began by asking them, 'Does anyone know what the bishop does?'

There was silence. Finally a little boy responded in a serious tone, "He's the one you can move diagonally...

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A prostitute walks into a church...

She asks one of the nuns where the priest is, and is shown to a dark room. She sits in the darkness until she hears the familiar voice of the priest ask,

"What troubles you, my child?"

The prostitute replies, "Sorry, Daddy, but I've been a naughty girl."

The priest sighs and sa...

A guy was standing on the 100th floor of a building.

"Imagine what would happen if you fell from this height", he says to the guy standing beside him.

"Oh, you CAN'T fall from this height" says the guy standing next to him.

"What?"

"It's not possible to fall from this height"

"What do you mean?"

"Due to the air press...

Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday.Everybody complimented him on how healthy, athletic and well-preserved he appeared.

"I will tell you the secret of my success," Grandpa said, "My wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding day, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had an argument, or fight, the one who proved wrong would go outside and take a walk for 5 kms. Gentlemen, I have been walking in the open air ...

Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor(this is a joke in my native language idk how good it can be translated)

Two guys moving a futon to the 100th floor.

At the 25th floor:
1st guy: T..th...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive

At the 50th floor:
1st guy:T..thi...
2nd guy: Tell me when we arrive we dont have time

At the 100th floor:
2nd guy: So what did u want to tell me?
1...

I was messing around at my great grandma's 100th birthday Party

So she asked me to act my age. I replied with "you should also act your age".

This is the story of how my Great Grandma's Birthday Party turned into her funeral.

A man who lived his whole life near a formula 1 track got interviewed on his 100th birthday

"Has living here impacted your life in any way?" asks the interviewer.

He takes some time to think and then answers:

"NNNOOOOOOOOUUUUOO"

A blonde, a brunette, and a ginger,

All three girls die at the same time and at the staircase to heaven the angel says "okay on every step is a joke and if you can go up all 1000 steps you will go to heaven but if you laugh you will go down to hell."

So the brunette says "sounds easy" but when she makes it's to the 100th step s...

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Grandma's 100th Birthday

The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she mwould write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to...

A guy goes to visit his friend who lives on the 100th floor

At the reception, the friend welcomes him with a grim news "The elevator is not working so we have to take the stairs."

The guy afraid says "But that's a long climb.."

"Don't worry" His friend replies "We can tell each other horror stories while we climb up. That way we can be entertai...

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I got an escort for my grandpa's 100th birthday.

She said that she would give him super sex. He said "I'll take the soup."

You get a letter from the Queen for your 100th birthday, what do you get for your 16th?

A text message from Prince Andrew.

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it was an old man's 100 th birthday

at the party a gorgeous 22 year old blond sits on his lap and says "it's your 100th birthday! that's amazing! I'm gonna give you super sex for the rest of the night!"
the old man thinks about it for a bit and replies "I'll take the soup"

Two drunk guys walk into a hotel

snippering one word after another they finally manage to make themselves understood by the girl at the reception.

"So you want the cheapest double room we have, right? The only free one is on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken". The two guys, in order not to spend the night sleeping o...

Three women, one a brunette, one a redhead and one a blonde, are standing at the gateway to heaven, awaiting judgement...

Three women, one a brunette, one a redhead and one a blonde, are standing at the gateway to heaven, awaiting judgement.


St. Peter tells them that to enter Heaven their resolve must first be tested. He will tell them 100 jokes and they must restrain themselves from laughing, or Hell awai...

Two friends are going on a trip.

They see its getting late so one sugests they stop at the first hotel. So they stop at the first hotel and when they are in they ask for a room.
"There is only one room left and its on the 100th floor but the elevator is broken. You will have to climb up stairs." said the receptionist. Friends lo...

Best birthday present ever?

An old lady with 3 very successful children was celebrating her 100th birthday, and all the kids got her incredible gifts.

The first child got her a $200,000 limousine with a driver so she can go around town.

The second child got her a $1,000,000 yacht so she can spend her days on the ...

99 guys walk into a bar

The 100th ducked.

A car is pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to the driver and says, "Congratulations, you're the 100th driver to remember putting on your seatbelt today, and so you have won $2000! So sir, what do you think you'll do with those money?"

The driver says, "I'd probably buy a driver's license."

His wife sitting next to him says "Don't listen to him Officer, he's been drinking."

A man exclaims from the backseat, "I've told you both this, we never get anywhere in stolen cars!"

A voice can be heard from the trunk sho...

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What do you get if you cross a donkey with and onion?

Well 99 times out of hundred you get an onion with grey floppy ears, but that 100th time-- when the moon is full and the tides are just right-- you get a perfect piece of ass that brings tears to your eyes.

A blond girl , brunet girl, and black haired girl die and start their journey up to heaven.

Now to get to heaven these girls have to go up 100 steps. On each step there is a joke. If you laugh at a joke you fall straight to hell.
Now the brunet girl gets to about 25 steps then laughs hysterically at a joke about a dyslexic man.
The black haired girl goes much farther to about step 7...

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Mean Drunk!

One day two guys go to a bar on the 100th floor of a building. It's a pretty fancy and famous place you'd go to tick it off the bucket list. A drunk approaches them

Drunk: You know what I can do, do ya?

Man1: Ummm, we want no trouble mister.

D: Nonsense no trouble I just wanted ...

A dying billionaire found a young man to inherit his fortunes.

"I have two plans for you to inherit my money, think carefully after I finish: you can take 1 million a day, until the 100th day, or I can give you 1 cent on the first day, then two cents, then..."

"I'll take the second option" The young man interrupted him.

100 days later, the young m...

Stairway of Laughter

A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time.
They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell.
The objective was to climb 100 stairs without...

On a casual drive from drinking a blond, red, and black haired women died in a car crash.

When they died God said to them that they could get into heaven if they could climb 100 steps with jokes inscribed on them and never laugh. So they started their ascend. Unfortunately the black haired woman laughed on the 21st step and fell off the steps to heaven. The red head laughed on the 43rd s...

Einstein and the Arabic guy

Einstein and an Arabic guy were on a long long train ride so Einstein said:

"Let's play a game, I ask you a question and if you don't know the answer you give me $5"

And the Arabic guy responded, "If I ask you a question and you don't know the answer you give me $100"

They agree...

Once upon a time, there was a boxer who always wins every single match...

When fans asked him what's his secret, he would just say, "I imagine there's a line on my opponent's face and I hit that line,". On his 100th boxing match, the whole world was watching. He lost. It was his first loss ever in his career. Fans again wondered so he was interviewed. A reporter asked how...

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So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..

tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend t...

A blonde goes onto a game show.

The game show goes something like this: There are 3 contestants and 100 jokes that the host tells. Once a contestant laughs at one of the jokes, they are out. If one of the contestants gets through all 100 jokes without laugh, they win a million dollars.

So the 3 contestants are a blonde, a b...

So this guy is doing his groceries

when suddenly the manager comes up to him and says: "congratulations, You are our 100th customer! Today, your groceries will be completely free of charge!" He then decides to spend the money he just saved at a computer store. He hardly entered the store or the manager runs up to him and yells: "cong...

Grandpa's Scariest day

A man was celebrating his 100th birthday with his grandchildren, when one of them asks him about the time he was most scared in his life.

"Well Timmy, it'll have to be back in 1943 when I was on Safari in Africa"

"What happenned Gramps?"

"Well, I was with my best friend John on...

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The Stairs to Success

A man walks into a stairwell with a sign that says "Climb to Success". Naturally he begins climbing.

At the 25th floor he sees a beautiful brunette that says "You can get a handjob from me, or continue on to success". He refuses and resumes climbing.

At the 50th floor there is a beaut...

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there were two kids in a sunday school...

there were two kids in a sunday school named adam and mary, adam was sitting directly behind mary and everytime mary raised her hand to answer a question, adam found it amusing to poke her in the back with his pencil.
"todays lesson we will be answering three questions and then you may leave" sai...

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So the other day I was walking from the sports field with a bag of 100 tennis balls...

That's a big bag, but I managed to carry it. However, unbeknownst to me, it was dragging over the ground, and eventually caught on a sharp piece of kerb, and ripped open. All 100 tennis balls falling out, ending up everywhere. Really annoying. I had to get all of them back individually and only retr...

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