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40th Birthday Jokes

40th Birthday

A middle-aged guy is out to dinner with his wife to celebrate her 40th birthday.



He says, "So what would you like, Julie? A Jaguar? A sable coat? A diamond
necklace?"



She says, "Bernie, I want a divorce."



He says, "I wasn't planning on spending that m...

Last week was my 40th birthday.

I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I th...

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A woman went to get a physical for her 40th birthday...

When she got home, she was telling her turd of a husband how it went. “The doctor said I was in great shape. As a matter of fact, he said I have the breasts of a 20 year old. “
“Oh yeah?” Said her grumpy husband-“what he say about your 40 year old ass?”
“Your name never came up,” she replied.

It was the night before the wife's 40th birthday

So the man asked his wife what she'd like for her 40th birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied.

On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Lo...

Age is just a number. On my 40th birthday, I went to the high school track to see what I could do in the mile run, and I set a new personal best!

Half a mile!

Three women share a birthday and celebrate it together

For their 40th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the waiters are cute and wear tight pants.

For their 50th birthday they go to the Lakeview restaurant because the prices are reasonable and it has a good wine list.

For their 60th birthday they go to the Lakeview restau...

Building contractor

This building contractor dies in a tragic accident on his 40th birthday.

He ends up heaven where he's greeted at the Pearly Gates by a brass band and Saint Peter.

Saint Peter shakes the guys hand and says congratulations!

The contractor is a little confused and says congratulati...

The woman who had never been screwed.

A woman was standing on the deck of a cruiseship crying. A man passed by and asked why she was crying.

Woman: " This is my 40th birthday, I have no friends to celebrate with and as you can see I lost both my arms and legs in an accident when I was a child. And on top of that I've never been s...

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Today's Recommendation

A pretty blonde decides to have a facelift for her 40th birthday. She spends $20,000 and feels pretty good about the results as she now looks so much younger and sexier. On her way home, she stops at a news-stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the salesgirl, “I hope you don’t mind m...

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