30th Jokes - 39 Hilarious 30th Jokes

A physicist, a mathematician, and an engineer are all found guilty of treason and sentenced to death by guillotine.

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Bob is about to celebrate his 30th anniversary

Bob wants everything to be perfect for his anniversary trip to the hotel where he and his wife honeymooned 30 years earlier. So he gets there a day early to make all the arrangements. That night he emailed her, but misspelled the address, and it goes to a recent widow.

The next day, the wido...

For my wife's 30th birthday I got a man called David to visit our house.

While we were sat on the sofa, David walked around, looking at us occasionally.

"There's a definite tension between the two of you," David began, "but behind it all there's a certain desire, a lust. Yes, there's a craving for the physical. And there's friendship, too. Warmth, lots of warmth i...

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A man tattooed his wife's name on his penis to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary

When he got home, he said "Honey, I tattooed your name on my wiener to celebrate our 30th wedding anniversary!"

His wife got extremely angry and said "I know what you're trying to do! You're trying to put words in my mouth!"

Wife: How time passes, it's our 30th anniversary tomorrow, and it still feels like we got married yesterday.

Husband: Only the prisoner feels the slow passage of time, not the jailer.

30th Wedding Anniversary

On her 30th wedding anniversary a woman is asked what advice she would have for new brides.....

The woman's response: If you poison him now you will be out on parole within 30 years.

There was a couple celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary by having a round of golf together as was their weekly custom since they had met.

The husband was set to tee off as his wife was waiting for her turn in the cart.

"You know honey?" the husband said. "I have a confessions to make. Years ago, after we were first married, i had an affair. It did not last long but i never told you and i wanted to tell you now."

His wif...

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Couple celebrates their 30th anniversay

A couple celebrates their 30th anniversary. They have a nice evening out, dining in their favourite restaurant.

Later that night, when they get to bed, the woman says to her husband: "You know what honey, tonight, you can do anything you want with me."

The husband thinks for a second, ...

Why there should be a February 30th

So dentists can have a day to celebrate

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A husband and wife are celebrating their 30th anniversary .....

As the wife stands naked in front of her husband she says 'Do you remember what you said to me on our wedding night?'

Husband replies 'Yes, I said I wanted to suck your tits dry and fuck your brains out'.

The wife says 'And looking at me now, what do you think?'

The husband l...

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[long] A man walks into a bar on the 30th floor....

A second man already sits at the bar drinking alone and looking a little lonely so the he goes to sit by him and orders a drink. The second man looks over at him, smiles, and says:
"You know, this bar is in just the right place that if you jump out that open window you'll pop right back up into i...

The 30th anniversary of 9/11

It’s the 30th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center, a father and his 12 year old son are walking through New York City, looking at all of the plaques and memorials that signified what happened on that day.

They walk up to the One World Trade Center memorial building and the so...

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Bill and Hillary

When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, “I put a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.”
In all their 30 years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In it ...

I've started a society for anti-social people

Our first meeting is on 30th February

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Three dudes show up at the Pearly Gates to get into heaven. St. Peter asks them how they died...

The first guy says, "I was just walking down the street, minding my own business, and a fuckin' storage trunk fell out of the sky and crushed me to death!"

The second guy says, "I came home early from work, and my wife was in bed all sweaty and breathless. I'd been suspecting she was cheatin...

And God said “let there be light”

Then on the 30th day, he received his bill and yelled…

“Turn the damn thing off when you leave the room”.

30 years into marriage and last night, my wife and I went at it like two youngsters. At the end of round one I've asked her - do want to go again?

She replied - why not?

I said : how does the 30th of may sounds to you?

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An old business tycoon marries a young supermodel but knows his jealousy will eventually, get the better of him…

So everyday, the tycoon; Mr Green, rings up his new wife from his office on the top floor of his international corporation headquarters in the city to their penthouse apartment in the suburbs. And everyday, regular as clockwork the wife answers, slightly out of breath and always surprised to hear hi...

My wife and I just celebrated 10 years of a happy marriage!

Coincidentally it happened to be our 30th anniversary.

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An Older Couple Are Having Dinner At A Nice Restaurant

Coincidentally, it is their 30th anniversary, and is also the same restaurant where the man proposed to his wife. The man leans toward the his wife and quietly says to her, "Remember how we had sex in the alley behind this place when we got engaged?" "Yes." the woman replies. "Lets do it again." ...

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A man goes to a palmist

He wanted to know his future. So he went to a Palmist who saw his hand and predicted thus:

"From your 30th year you will live in a Big mason and there you will not have to cook your meals ever. Your meals will be served to you by attendants. There will be a lot of people around you and a l...

Jim, Scott, and Alex check into a hotel.

Jim, scott,and Alex check into a hotel and find out they’ll have to walk up 30 flights of stairs because the elevator is broken. To pass time while they walk, Jim decides he’ll tell jokes, Scott will sing songs, and Alex will tell sad stories. So Jim tells jokes for 10 flights, Scott sings songs for...

A blond, brunette, and a red head die and go to hell...

God decides to give these three woman one last chance. He brings them to the stairway into heaven and says, "There are 100 stairs and at each step I will tell a joke. If you laugh you will be sent back to hell. If you make it to the top without laughing, I will let you enter heaven." So it began....

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A guy gets a worm parasite...

A guy goes on a mission trip and contracts a gnarly parasite worm. Every doctor tells him he's done for and the worm will starve him to death, but a friend of his who used to go on mission trips tells him about this doctor that has a technique to get rid of the worm, but warns him that the doctor is...

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Warning, Shopping at Home Depot!

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Home Depot customers. This one caught me by surprise.

Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happ...

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Mr. and Mrs. Johnson wanted to join a very conservative church.

"When was the last time you had sex?" asked the minister.

"Just this morning," said Mr. Johnson.

"At our church," said the minister, "we do not tolerate it when people have sex more than once every three months. Today is May 1st. Please come back by August 1st. If you have not had sex...

Another joke about Tommy, who has no arms and legs

Tommy was in the garden, playing in the sandbox. As he has no arms, he uses his mouth to pick up the shovels and his other sandbox toys.

As Tommy is happily playing along, his mother opens the window of their flat - which is on the 50th floor - and shouts: "Tommy! Lunch is ready!". Because to...

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The Unlucky Wife

A very religious 30 year-old Catholic virgin who profusely protested using birth control, wanted a large family. She finally finds the perfect man who accepts and whole-heartedly agrees with her religious values. They marry 3 months later and are overjoyed to be blessed with healthy triplets. Sad...

"Don't jump!"

One day, a man decided he'd had enough of his life, and went to the balcony of the 30th floor of his office building. He stepped onto the ledge and shouted "I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna jump!"

A physics professor passing by heard the commotion and looked up. He shouted back to the man "Don't do...

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A woman asks her husband where he’s taking them for their 20th anniversary

“To Japan,” replies her husband.

“Oh my! That’s wonderful!” said the woman with extreme joy. She then asked, “and where will you take us for our 30th anniversary?”

“I’ll go pick you up.”

A Husband And Wife Go Golfing

A husband and wife who are avid golfers have been happily married for 30 years, and on the day of their 30th anniversary they enjoy a wonderful day together.
They have a delicious breakfast in bed, then proceed to one of their favorite golf courses.
They play through to the 9th hole, both hav...

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Betsy makes a home cooked meal for her husband Bob

For their 30th wedding anniversary. She fixes every one of his favorites. Medium-rare steak, mashed potatoes and gravy, a nice salad with homemade cheesecake for dessert.

After dinner Bob leans back feeling great and exclaims to Betsy “That was an amazing meal, honey! Had I known all these ye...

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A woman is out of town on business

and decides to head down to the hotel bar for a quick drink on her first night there. She sees the bar isn't all that crowded and easily finds an open seat.

She grabs a menu and the only other guy sitting at the bar moves over next to her. He reeks of booze. He says to her, "I wanna tell you...

On Bill and Hillary's wedding night

On Bill and Hillary's wedding night, Bill said " I'll always be truthful to you Hillary, but promise you'll never open this shoebox.

Thinking it's a strange request, Hillary agreed that she never would.

On their 30th anniversary, she stumbles upon the box. Having kept her promise fo...

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A birthday gift for a friend

I have a buddy who is a bit of a beer snob. For his 30th birthday, he asked for a six pack with a matching pint glass from each of his friends. I decided I would drive a couple hours to pick up his gift from his new favorite brewery (which happened to also be my new favorite brewery.)

I had t...

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One hell of a headache

After graduating from college, Joe was increasingly hampered by worse and worse headaches. By his 30th birthday, he decided to seek medical help. After being referred from one specialist to another, he finally came across a doctor who could diagnose the problem.

"The good news is that I can c...

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An elderly couple went for a ride.

A an elderly couple went out of town to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary. They rented a car and drove out of state.

After six hours of long driving, they both got frisky. The wife groped her man's crotch and started giving him a blowjob. The man was so happy since he only receives blo...

So this newly wed girl asks me how I've managed to be happily married for 30 years...

And I tell her the 25 years have been tough, but the last 5 have been amazing.

"Why" she asks.

"Because for the longest time my wife has been begging me to take her to Paris for our 25th anniversary, so when it came time I took her to Paris, smartest decision I've made, we've been happ...

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Two 80 year old men

Michael and John, who have been best friends since high school, have just spent the last of their retirement savings on a trip to Hawaii.

They check into their hotel and are furious when they find out that the lifts wont be working for another month and that their room is located on the 90th ...

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