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12 Apostles Jokes

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Peter, one of the 12 apostles is walking through Jerusalem.....

He rounds a corner and comes upon a mob about to stone a poor woman to death . The mob believe woman is a prostitute and should be killed. Peter springs to action putting himself between the mob and the woman and shouts " Stop at once and let he who is without sin cast the first stone!" Immediately...

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And Jesus said unto his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross

Don't touch my fucking Easter eggs, i'll be back on Monday.

Jesus was talking with the 12 apostles..

He said “Hey Guys, I can walk on water!”
They responded “No way”
And he said back “Yahweh!”

The new priest

A new priest was nervous before his first sermon, so the monseigneur told him to have a bit of a drink before mass to take off the edge.

The new priest took the advice. After the sermon he returned to the rectory to find a note. It read:

Good sermon today, but a few small points:
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Jesus walks into a restaurant with his Apostles...

and says to the host, "Table for 26 please". The host, confused said, "but Jesus, it's just you and your 12 Apostles, that only makes 13". To this Jesus replied, "Yeah, but we're only going to sit on one side of the table."

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The pastor's first mass

The young pastor was so nervous before his first mass that he could not speak a word. He asks the bishop for advice, and he tells him to pour two drops of vodka in a glass of water and drink it.

The young pastor does as advised and immediately felt so good that nothing could stop him.
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A note to a priest (Long).

A young priest was about to lead his first mass. Because he was nervous, the bishop told him to put a bit of vodka in the wine and drink a bit before the mass. The priest did that.

Then his memory shuts out, and after a few hours, he wakes up with a note saying:

"My son, I have a few ...

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