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Xanax Jokes

Why did the Mexican take Xanax?

Hispanic Attacks

Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?

For Hispanic attacks.

Why does the Mexican guy take xanax?

For hispanic attacks

Why does the american border patrol guard take Xanax?

To stop hispanic attacks.

A man takes three Xanax...

A man takes three Xanax and lays down on a sundial. Death meanders up and says "Dude, you're on borrowed time".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My fear of palindromes is really starting to affect my life, so I asked the doctor if he could prescribe me anything.

The bastard gave me Xanax.

President Trump has been taking xanax daily.

He heard it helps with Hispanic attacks.

Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore.

I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

[Computers] Why do Linux admins always take Xanax?

Because they're constantly battling their daemons.

Why did Donald Trump decide not to build The Wall and just take a Xanax instead?

Because it's a cheaper and faster cure for hispanic attacks.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Small cake day joke..

Went to the doctor about my fear of palidromes.. I was shaking by the time I got there at noon, then the bastard gave me xanax and told me he had a racecar!!

So I was part of a double blind clinical study...

So I was a part of a double blind clinical study of the effects of sugar pills on patients. Little did I know, I was part of the placebo group and was given Xanax.

A man goes to the chemist's

M: I would like 3 boxes of Xanax, please.

C: Sorry sir, you need a medical prescription for that.

M: I've got a wedding certificate.

C: That will do.

A collection of Waspy jokes about yo-mamma

1. Your mother is so déclassé, she has a time-share
near Sea World!

2. Your mother is so prescription drug dependent,
she pops Xanax like Godiva bonbons!

3. Your mother is so lower middle-class, she thinks
Egyptian cotton smells of camels!

4. Your mother...

Tips for inner peace

Dr. Neil proclaimed the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started.

So I looked around my house to see things I started and hadn't finished; and, before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Pinot Noir, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bottle of Ba...

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