UPJOKE
wigglewrithesquirmtwistwrestlewormmovemovementwrenchcontortdeflectwringslinkslitherwheedle

Wriggling Jokes

A farmhand hits a pig with his truck

A farmhand is driving around the farm, checking the fences. After a few minutes he radios his boss and says, "Boss, I've got a problem. I hit a pig on the road and he's stuck in the bull-bars of my truck. He's still wriggling. What should I do?"

"In the back of your truck there's a shotgun. ...

A trucker is driving down the road late one night.

When he notices something wriggling on the side of the road. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he pulls over to investigate. Once he gets up close, he sees it is a naked man, bound, gagged, and left for dead. The trucker removes the gag, and the man immediately said "Oh thank God you stopped. I've...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny.

A teacher walks into her classroom to greet her first grade students.

"Good morning, class." the teacher said, smiling and observing her students.Before going to the chalkboard to begin the day, she notices little Johnny in the back of the classroom, wriggling around and desperately trying to...

Looking back on 10 years of marriage

Wanted to save this story for one of my favorite subs.

When I first met my wife we went on our first date and I was pretty nervous. I wanted to take her somewhere different to break the monotonous “first date” vibe of coffee or drinks so we decided to go to a local apiary to help transpla...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer is driving at night, on the road to his hometown. Suddenly...

*Thud!*

The lawyer stops the car with fear in his eyes. His heart pumps fast. "Oh my God, did I just roadkill an animal? My name will be stained, forever!"

He leaves his car and goes to check the front. The headlights are illuminating an armadillo, rolled inside his shell. He gives the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man runs out of gas while driving through rural Iowa...

His cell phone dead, he walks along the highway until he finds a farmhouse. He knocks on the door, and an old farmer offers to fuel up his car after they finish dinner, which he kindly invites him to.

While enjoying his meatloaf and company of the farmer and his wife, the man looks out the wi...

A man hits a pig driving his car...

A man's driving though the country side way faster than he should be when suddenly he hits something, so he slams on his brakes. He gets out, and hears a horrible screeching squeal coming from under his car. He calls 911...
"Hi, I've hit a pig and its under my car, wriggling and squealing in pain...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and a woman hit it off at a bar and head back to his place.

Things start getting hot and she says "before we get started, there's something I want to show you.. put your fingers in my pussy, all of them."

Without thinking, he puts in all the fingers on his left hand.

She commands "now, get your whole hand in."

He replies, "ooo you're pr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Octopus Joke Retold

So this guy walks into a bar with an Octopus. He is named the Amazing Octodad, seriously it's on his T-shirt. He heads to the bar, gets a beer and waits for the music to stop. A cute blonde gives a weird wtf look when a tentacle starts wriggling over to tickle her leg but Octodad just winks and says...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.