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Withdrawals Jokes

What did the pizzeria owner say while having withdrawals?

Give me the dough, I KNEAD IT

An old lady wanted to withdraw money from a bank

This old lady handed her bank card to the teller and said “I would like to withdraw £10”. The teller told her “for withdrawals less than £100, please use the ATM.

The old lady wanted to know why... The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her “these are the rules, please leave if ...

What's the hardest part of being addicted to money?

The withdrawals.

What do ATMs and rehab patients have in common?

Withdrawals.

Did you hear about the ATM that got addicted to money?

It suffered from withdrawals.

I have an addiction to having lots of money in my bank account.

Unfortunately, I'm suffering from withdrawals.

Why was the ATM upset?

Because it was having withdrawals.

Why do Bankers make for great lovers

Because they know the penalty for early withdrawals

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I am not impressed!

Just been to an atm which said free cash withdrawals absolutely pissed off they removed a £100 from my account

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man walks up to the bartender

A drunk man walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink.

The bartender tells him, “No way man. You’re already hammered and your tab comes out at over $200.”

The man responds, “Please I’ll do anything. I’m having really bad withdrawals I just need a beer or two.”

“Really? Any...

Why do recovering addicts make good bankers?

They have a lot of experience with withdrawals

A Man walks into a Bank

He's sweating profusely and looks exhausted

He gets in line and after several minutes is even worse for wear. Sweating, Twitching and Scratching

He finally gets up to the teller and begins talking in a broken, mumbling voice.

The branch manager walks over to check on him and ask...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A sailor on a Navy ship...

A sailor on a Navy ship had been out to sea for weeks, and was beginning to go through sex withdrawals. Fed up with the lack of sex, he asked one of his shipmates what he did when the pressure was too much to take. 

"Well, there's a barrel with a hole in it near the mop storage. When it gets ...

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