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Wierd Jokes

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The Japanese are so wierd for eating ramen

Cookedmen taste so much better

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Isn't it so wierd when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?

Anyway, my dad just caught me masturbating.

I have this wierd irrational fear of two letter words.

I get extremely scared just thinking about it.

English is a wierd language

Noses run and feet smell

Three guys are sharing a bed at a sleepover

When they wake up, the first guy says, "I had a wierd dream, I dreamt that someone beat my meat."


The guy on the left says, "Me too!"


The guy in the middle goes: "That's funny, I dreamt that I was skiing, but the snow was hot and sticky!"

Isn't it wierd how...

Most people can't spell weird consistently

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My ex-girlfriend had this really wierd fetish...

...where she would dress up like herself and act like a fucking bitch all the time.

My my wife said she was leaving me because of my wierd obsession with Marvel characters.

I said, please Yondu that.

Hear me out!!

Is it wierd how saying sentences backwards creates backwards sentences saying how wierd it is?

People say that there is always one wierd person on the bus, but I don't get it.

I travel by bus everyday and I never see any wierd people. Everyone looks normal. It doesn't matter how long I stare at them.

I have a wierd talent where i can identify what's inside a wrapped present

Its a Gift!

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I was surfing for porn and came across this wierd film with a guy sitting in his couch crying while masturbating

Then I noticed my computer wasn't turned on

I once had a sugar daddy

It was nothing wierd. My father had type II diabetes.

Little johnny

Mary was friends with little johnny. She would often play with him after the school hours.

One day, Mary was talking to her grandma about one wierd thing that little johnny always did on the way back from school.

M : "Each day when we pass a certain tree, little johnny throws his scho...

Three guys go to a ski lodge but there isn't enough room so they have to share a bed...

The next morning, at breakfast, the guy who slept on the right says

_"I had a dream I got a handjob last night_"

The guy who slept on the left says

_"Wierd! I had the same dream!"_

The guy who slept in the middle says

_"I dreamt I was skiing"_

A man is scentenced to serve in prison

While walking around the yard, he notice a group of inmates laughing.

As he gets closer he hear one of them say '17' and immidietly the rest starts to laugh. Then another inmate shouts '48' as the others laugh even harder. After the third guy shouts '22' everyone laugh so hard some of them ar...

Canadian humour

Did you know that Justin Bieber isn't the most famous Canadian Justin. I know it sounds wierd but it's Trudeau.

A man with a frog on his head walks into a bar

The bartender looks up at the man with a wierd and confused look on his face and asks «how did that happen?»

The man turns towards the bartender and stares into his eyes.

«Well it started with a zit on my ass» says the frog.

The dry cleaners near my place have a new guy now. His only job is to count all the t-shirts that come in and go out.

Wierd looking guy, but not on drugs or anything.

In fact, I have a hunch he's a tee-totaller.

My wife just accused me of never listening to anything she has to say

\- What a wierd start to a conversation anyway

My dad asked me the other day: "Are you even listening to me?"

Which is a really wierd way to start a conversation if you ask me.

I finally watched that Netflix sci-fi show that everyone is watching...

I keep hearing from everyone that it's a very wierd show, but to be honest, I've seen stranger things.

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Elderly couple

An elderly couple havent had sex in quiet a while, and wanted to try something new, so they decided to eat lunch naked. While eating, Grandma says : oh dear grandpa, it warms my heart when we are together like this! To which he replies : well, be wierd if it didnt, your tits are in your soup!

True story but potential to be a joke (my friends experience this morning on the train)

Woman jumps on the train this morning with a veil type hood covering her hair and her face where you see nothing but the eyes (I dont know religious garments but didn't really look like a religious garment to me). When she gets on, the guy next to her leans over and calmly whispers "You know we live...

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[Long]Another joke from my country

Part 1

There was a guy in a small village called 'Amda' and he had a weird fetish of trying to stick his dick in anyone who bends over infront of him.

People in his village started to avoid him once they got to know this fetish of his and that made Amda desperate to stick his dick in ...

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A man asks his son what he wants for christmas...

A man asks his son what he wants for christmas. His son, simply says : "You know dad, I'd really like a yellow ball".

The father is confused by this, he tells him : "You know, you can ask for something better, I got a christmas bonus this year, we can afford it. Are you sure you don't want so...

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A daughter’s prayers

A father is listening to his daughter say her night time prayers.

"God bless mummy, god bless daddy, god bless grandma, goodbye grandpa."

The father thinks "huh, wierd" and goes to bed thinking nothing of it. the next day he receives a phone call that his father has died. Slightly cree...

A man was asked by his cousin to come with him to his hunting lodge...

With them was the cousin's hunting friends. As it was raining the first day, and since none of them didn't feel like spending a whole day out in the wet, they decided to stay inside.

After a while the man got bored and asked his cousin if they couldn't do anything.
The cousin said: "Well,...

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[Long] One of my favorite jokes from BoJack Horseman

Okay so there's this gardener right?
So the amazing thing about this gardener is that he always knows exactly how many bags of mulch he needs for a job, just by looking. Like he gets it right, every time. He's the best.
So one day, he looks at a yard he's working on and he's like... 18 bags. S...

My rich cousin's hummer-porschaghini (Long)

So I have this cousin who is absolutely loaded and he had this idea he would pay the best mechanic around to build him custom car.

He wanted the body of a Lamborghini, with the engine of a Porsche, and all the amazing features of an original hummer. He decided to call it the Hummer-porschagh...

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