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Pish Jokes

Old Scottish joke I remembered that just became relevant again...

The head greenkeeper of St Andrews golf course was out inspecting the greens one morning when he spotted a golfer bending over the stream on the 18th, scooping up water with his hand and drinking it.

'Haw', he shouted, 'Ye shouldnae drink that watter, it's got coo's pish in it!'

The go...

Proper English

An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.

"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"

The Englishman look...

I just realized why all my abortion jokes bomb...

...because they never deliver.

*ba dum pish*

As opposed to dead baby jokes, which never get old.

Three drums and a symbol fall off a cliff.

Ba
Dum bum....

Pish

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time, in Scotland...

A man is using his hand to scoop some water from a Scottish Highland brook. He is about to drink when he is interrupted by a local shouting a warning: “Dinnae drink thon water, mun, it’s foo o’ coo’s shite ’n’ pish.”

The man peers over at the local and calls back, “My good fellow, I’m English...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A golfer is playing at St. Andrews on a beautiful hot day.......

.....when he stops by one of the streams to get a drink. As he puts his hand in to scoop out some water he hears a shout from the greens keeper:

"Eh, don drink tha, it's full a cow shite an pish!"

"I'm sorry sir, but could you repeat yourself, I'm from England you see," says the golfer...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scottish insults:

She had a fanny like a stab wound in a gorilla's back

Look's like she's been dooking for apples in a chip pan

Had more hands up her than Sooty!

She's got a face like a dog lickin piss off a nettle

It looks like she's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

S...

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