UPJOKE

White Guy Jokes

Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison?

Cause you know he is actually guilty.

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A skinny little white guy walks into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him.

The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 15 inch penis, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown."

The little guy faints and falls to the floor.

The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy s...

A white guy, a black guy, and a Chinese guy go to work at a coal mine.

When they arrive the manager assigns each of them a task. The white guy, Frank, is in charge of digging. The black guy, Jamaal, is in charge of transportation. The Chinese guy, Wong, is in charge of supplies.

They get to work and everything is going smoothly. Frank is digging up the coal at...

What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA

A white guy, a black guy, an Indian, an Asian women and a girl in a wheel chair walk into a bar

They are celebrating being on the cover of a middle school math book

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White guy goes to prison... (NSFW)

To his dismay, he's put in a cell with a very large black man. After a few moments of silence, the black man says in a deep, booming voice, "There's one thing we gotta get straight right now if we're gonna be in this cell together. We gots to figure out who's gonna be the husband and who's gonna b...

If you were a white guy who lost his clone, where would you go.

India, cause that's where white people find themselves.

A white guy, a black guy, and a mexican guy applying for the same job......

The boss looks over their resumes, sees they are all equally qualified, and can't decide who to hire. He decides to give them a test.

Boss: Fellas, I can't decide who gets the job, you are all equal in
every way. So here's a question, whoever gives me the best
an...

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A white guy gets “Wendy” tattooed on his dick.

It only shows “Wy” when flaccid.

He goes on vacation to Jamaica. In the bathroom peeing, he glances over at a Jamaican guy next to him and sees “Wy” tattooed on his dick too.

He says, What a coincidence! Is your wife named Wendy too?

The Jamaican man notices the guy’s dick tat...

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A black guy, a white guy, and an asian guy are speeding

They get pulled over by a cop, who decides to humor them. They won't get a ticket if their penis sizes add up to 20 inches. The black guy's dick is 10 inches, the white guy's is 9 inches, and the asian guy's is 1 inch. As they drive away, the black guy says "you're lucky my dick was 10 inches", the ...

An Afro on a white guy is called…

…a Euro

An American white guy visits India.

Wanting to get a more authentic experience, he goes to an Indian restaurant and tells them to serve him their specials, no questions asked. After eating a few bites, he calls the waiter and says, "Hey, this is brilliant food, but I just have a tiny request. This is a tad bit too spicy for my taste, ...

Central American guy tells a joke. “How many white guys does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

“Zero. They pay me to do it”

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A white guy and a black guy are taking a shower.

The black guy sees the white guy’s willy has the letters “Wy” on the side.

“Can I just ask you,” the black guy says, “why do you have “Wy” on the side of your willy?”

“Well,” says the white guy, “when it’s erect, it spells “Wendy”, my girlfriend’s name. Your willy also has “Wy” on it. ...

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A black guy and a white guy walk into a bar

The white guy says “let’s go inward”
The black guy says “What the fuck did you call me?”

There's 1000 black guys and 1 white guy. What do you call the white guy?

A warden.

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The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.

Edit: Apparently somebody posted this joke to Twitter in October and that makes me a piece of shit.

¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯

A black guy and a white guy walk into a bakery...

The black guy goes up to the counter, steals 3 pasties without getting caught, and he puts them in his pocket.


He says to the white guy 'did you see that, he didn't even notice'


'Oh yeah?' the white guy responded 'watch this'


He goes up to the counter, takes three p...

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A black guy and a white guy

A black guy and a white guy worked together for several months, and the black guy noticed the white guy was always in a good mood, smiling and whistling every morning. He finally asked him why he was so happy all the time.

“Oh, Its because I make love to my wife every morning.”

“Ever...

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A black guy, a white guy, and a Chinese guy...

Get a job on a construction site.
One day the foreman has to keep an early appointment, so he leaves the black guy and the white guy in charge of building, and leaves the Chinese guy in charge of supplies.
Hours later, the foreman returns to find the black and white guys standing around, and...

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A white guy woke up in a cell with an Asian man and a black man.

None of them had any idea what was going on. All of a sudden a mysterious man appears in front of them and says, "If all of your dick lengths combined can reach exactly 1 foot, I'll let you all go. If not, I'll kill you all" All 3 men pulled down their pants and put their dicks together, the white g...

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A white guy in the elevator...

So there's a white guy standing in the elevator. Just as the door are about to close, a huge black guy gets in. He stretches his huge arms around the elevator and he says:
- Hi. I'm two meters high. Two meters wide. Have a half meter penis and a kilogram per testicle. I'm Turner Brown!
After h...

A black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican...

So there's a black guy, a white guy, and a Mexican. They find a genie's lamp, they rub it, and poof appears the genie! The genie goes to the black guy and asks, "What's your one wish?" The black guy goes, "I wish for me and all my people to be back in Africa, happy and everything." So poof! His wish...

The only two white actors in Black Panther are Martin Freeman, who played Bilbo Baggins, and Andy Serkis who played Gollum.

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

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A black guy, a jew and a white guy are on a plane.

The plane starts jolting up and down. It starts slowly falling towards the ground. The pilot tells the passengers to throw something off the plane that they have too much of.

Hearing this, black guy throws half his penis.

Seeing what the first guy did, the jew throws the tip of his no...

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A black guy, white guy, asian guy and hand puppet are sitting in a bar...

The black guy says, "You know the thing about dating black girls? They're crazy in bed, but you can never trust them around other guys."

The white guy says, "White girls are cute, but they're always spoiled and high-maintenance."

The asian guy says, "Asian girls are intelligent, but th...

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A white and a black guy are standing in front of a gun store...

The black guy says: "I'm just gonna buy something in there. You can just wait here.".

The black guy comes to the counter and asks the shopowner: "Do you have any rifles?" the owner says:"No". The black man then asks: "Do you have any revolvers?" the owner again says: "No". The black guy makes...

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A white guy, an African American, an Arab and a Mexican walk into a bar......

...and they all sit there and drink and have a nice time like good friends. What did you expect you fuckin racist?

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A white guy in a bar goes to the toilet...

While he’s standing there a black guy comes in, stands at the next urinal, and whips out his massive dick. The white guy asks how he got it.
The black guy tells him, “Every night I tie a piece of cord around the end and pull it tight for five minutes.
The white guy thanks him and leaves. The t...

What do you call 64 white guys in one room

One full Cherokee

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A white guy and a black guy are at a urinal.

As the white guy is peeing, he's looking at the tattoo on his dick. It's the letters W and Y. Then he glances over and notices the black guy has the exact same one.

They zip up and the white guys says: I noticed you have WY tattooed on your dick. So do I. Mine is because my girlfriend's name ...

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A white guy and a black guy are next to each other at the piss trough...

The white guy looks over and notices the black guy's cock. He goes, "Hey man, you've got a great looking cock. How do I get mine to look like that?"

Black guy is shocked but decides he's gonna mess with the white guy. He says, "Oh thanks. I'll tell you my secret: Every morning, I wake up and ...

A white guy and black argue if God is black or white...

Two friends are walking down a street arguing with one another about God being black or white. After arguing for many hours they both agree that they will go to a church and pray for the answer. They both enter the church and start praying asking God for an answer. Finally a loud voice fills the roo...

Why did the cannibal eat the white guy?

He was on a diet and wanted to have something light.

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A black and white guy are training at the gym.

After their training session they hit the changing room and undress.

The white guy can’t help but look at the black guys penis size and remarks, “How did you get it so big?”

He replies, “It’s a muscle so when I go home, I put on a warm bath, get inside and begin to stretch it by tuggi...

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[NSFW] a white guy is showering at the gym alone when in comes the biggest and most muscle bound black guy he has ever seen walks in...

The black man whips off his towel and reveals the largest member on a dude the white guy has ever seen. He can’t stop staring and it makes the black man uncomfortable after a few minutes

“You got a problem?” the muscles dude says

“I have to be honest” starts the white guy, “that thing...

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A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.

The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.  They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.  Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."

Jesus turns to the White...

What do you call a group of angry white guys?

Saltine Crackers

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So a small white guy...

Goes to prison for a wrong place at the wrong time crime. As they shut his cell door, he turns around and sees Bubba. Bubba says hey lets get one thing straight you wanna be the husband or the wife? The small white guy thinks for a minute and thinks I don't want to fucked in the ass... So he says ...

A mexican guy, a black guy, and a white guy are all walking down a beach when they find a magic lamp...

So they rubbed it and a genie pops out, tells them they get 1 wish each.

The mexican guy goes 1st and says: "I wish that my homeland is rid of all hardships so all my people in the USA can move peacefully back to Mexico." and poof! The wish is granted.

The black guy goes next and says:...

A black guy at the cinema told me (a white guy) I wasn't allowed to watch Black Panther.

Apparently I have to "buy" a "ticket"

What do you call a white guy trying to rap?

A faux shizzle my nizzle.

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A white guy, Mexican guy, and a black guy are in the 5th grade, who has the biggest dick?

Black guy because he's 18!

White guy goes into a cannibal restaurant and orders the light meat

The waiter replies:
“We don’t serve your kind here”

What does Trump call a bunch of rich old white guys in prison jumpsuits?

Staff.

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A white guy was very much in love with his girlfriend...

So he decided to have her name tattooed on his penis. Her name was Wendy, and the tattoo had to be done while the penis was erect. When it was not erect all you could see was W Y. Shortly after the couple was married they were honeymooning in Jamaica. The man was in a bathroom in, and standing next ...

Every time I see a white guy with a guitar at a party I ask myself...

I wonderwall he’s going to play?

I punched a white guy at the gas station last week and got arrested for grievous bodily harm...

Punched a black guy in the shopping center today and got arrested for impersonating a police officer...

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