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Washes Jokes

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A shipwrecked man washes up onto a deserted beach.

He meets a couple that's also stranded there. He and the wife immediately lock eyes and feel the chemistry for some genital bonding.

The Husband tells the Stranger: "hey man, see that tall coconut tree over there? We take turns all day climbing it to the top and seeing if any ships are approa...

What washes up on small beaches?

Microwaves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A lawyer, an environmentalist and a teacher were going the bathroom.

The lawyer gets done, washes his hands and uses the entire roll of tissue paper to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be thorough.", he said.

The environmentalist washes his hands and uses his own kerchief to wipe his hands. "I was taught to be environment friendly.", he said.

The teach...

Dad: *washes car with his son*

Son: "You know, we could just use sponge."

A painter is employed to whitewash the local church. But he makes the mistake of thinning the paint down too much, so that it all washes away the first time it rains.

The minister rings the painter to complain. "What do you want me to do about it?" says the painter.

"Repaint," says the minister, "And thin no more."

What washes up on tiny beaches?

Micro waves

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four nuns die and go to the heaven

They line up in front of the gates of heaven, and an angel asks them some questions to let them in.

The first nun comes, and the angel asks "What do you know about a dick?". She replies "I've heard of it." The angel shows her a bowl of holy water and tells her to wash her ears with it. Nun do...

A Man Washes Up on an Island.

The natives are friendly and welcome him. He enjoys their hospitality, but notices the sound of loud drums in the jungle playing round-the-clock.

After a couple of days of this, he asks a native, “Why do the drums keep playing?”

The native says very seriously, “You don’t want the drum...

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What's the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitute?

A prostitute washes her crack and sells it again

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A man washes up on a deserted beach...

He coughs up some water and tries to find himself some civilization. He walk around until it becomes apparent he is alone on an island except for a pig and a dog, both of which are strangely domesticated. Oh well, time to Robinson Crusoe the shit out of this island.

He starts a fire. Builds ...

What do you call a toilet that washes your down under?

Bidet Mate!

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Man asks Confucius: If a man washes his ass, is he gay?

Confucius say: A man who cleans his house clearly expects a visitor.

Where does a laundryman who washes lots of clothes live?

Washington

A rabbi washes up on an island...

He explores the island in search of any civilization. He eventually comes across a group of tribal natives that he learns are known as the Trids. He also learns that, during their monthly sacrificial ceremony, one of them is taken to a giant, who kicks them into the ocean. He chooses to hide from th...

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The only survivor of a shipwreck washes up on a deserted island

He’s stranded alone on the island for over ten years surviving on coconuts and fish. One day he’s sitting on the beach thinking about life back home when a woman in a wetsuit and scuba gear stands up in the ocean and starts walking out of the surf, fins in hands. The man shakes his head and blinks h...

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Guy is the sole survivor of a shipwreck, and washes up on a desert island.

The only thing to eat are coconuts, from a single coconut tree on the other side of the island. However, there's a dog guarding the tree, and every time the guy climbs the tree to get a one, the dog bites him on the ass.

For ten months, the guy has to deal with the dog, whenever he wants to ...

Washing hands

(Joke was funnier before covid)

A soldier and a sailor are at a bar near where they are both stationed. They are standing next to each other at urinals and the soldier gets done first and washes his hands. The sailor gets done and goes right toward the door instead of washing his hands
...

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Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

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[NSFW] A man, a dog, and a pig wash up on a deserted island.

They're there for several years, until one day the man gets desperate, takes off his trousers, and tries to mount the pig. The dog, however, starts growling at him and baring its teeth, so he stops. A few weeks later he tries again, but this time the dog bites him on the arm until he stops.

L...

Man who washes with dog toy

becomes squeaky clean

A man is in a plane crash and washes up on a deserted island...

He's there for weeks, and is nearly losing hope. Finally one day, a box floats up onto the beach: RESCUE KIT. He's ecstatically excited, thinking he's finally free. But when he opens it up, all there is is a deck of cards. He breaks down sobbing, thinking "How ridiculous! What kind of rescue kit is ...

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So a woman had been in a coma for a few years. . .

And everyday, when the nurse comes in to bathe her, she notices slight changes in her vital stats whenever she washes near her crotch. So the nurse fetches the woman's husband and says,
"I think a little oral sex is all your wife needs to come out of this coma."
The husband nods and asks for...

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Three nuns die and go to heaven... [NSFW]

.. Peter welcomes them at the gate and says:

"Before I can let the three of you enter Heaven, I have to ask you a question. It will simply be formality for you, but I have to anyways". He approaches the first nun and asks "Do you have any sin to confess? " The nun looks down and confesses, sh...

I’m writing a book about an American who falls off a cruise ship and washes up on the shore of a land run by Satan-worshiping extraterrestrial lizard people.

I’m calling it “Gullible’s Travels.”

How can you tell the difference between a biologist and a chemist in the bathroom?

A biologist washes his hands after peeing, a chemist washes his hands before.

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