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Vin Jokes

What’s Vin Diesels favourite car

Mazda Familia

What do both Paul Walker and Vin Diesel have in common?

Both of their last big hits were trees

Did you know that Vin Diesel only eats two meals a day to keep in shape for making movies?

Breakfast and breakfurious

Vin Diesel wants the next Fast and Furious movie to be a musical.

It’s called “*Jesus Christ, Supercar!*”

Where does Vin go after eating a really hot curry?

Da loo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is Vin Diesel's lovemaking style?

Pitch Black, Multi-Facial, XXX and Fast and Furious.

Why can't Vin Diesel differentiate Thanksgiving Turkey from his best friend?

Because they're both roasted

Vin Diesel pulled up next to me at a light the other day

Shocked, I saw him motion for me to roll down my window. I did and he said to me:

"You know what I put in my car?"

"Gas?" I replied.

"Diesel" he said and then he sped off.

There is a group of Amish engineers who created the hardware and software for a small self-driving horseless carriage.

It's a little buggy.

Weird Al and Vin Diesel should team up with a chip tune band

Then they could be Al, Vin & The Chip Monks

Vin Diesel was riding his bike at the speed of light when a man asked him for a lift.

Vin Diesel stopped for him to hop on and continued riding at the speed of light.
After a while the man asked.
Man: "So what's your name?"
Vin: "Cin Diesel"
Man: "Don't you mean Vin Diesel?"
Vin: "No it's Cin Diesel"
Man: "But why?"
Vin: "Because at the speed of light c=v"

So I arrived at the restaurant……………..

So I arrived at the restaurant a bit early for a family meal.
-"Would you mind waiting for a while?" asked the manager.
"Not at all," I replied.
-"Good," he said.
And then added,
-"Take these 2 Coq au Vins over to the couple by the window, then start clearing tables 4 and 7"

Who’s the buff actor who keeps sneezing?

Ah it’s Vin Sniesel

After a fight, my girlfriend wanted to know where we stood. I told her I loved her like Vin Diesel loves Paul Walker. She got all giddy and told me how much she loves me too.

I looked at her with confusion and clarified: "What I meant was you're dead to me."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Italian man is looking wistfully out at his fields...

It's spring, and for decades and decades now, he's always planted tomatoes, a tradition he brought over all the way from the old country to his adopted home in the US.

Unfortunately, he's getting old, and the work of turning the soil over to prepare for planting the tomatoes is beyond his bod...

Hollywood is really taking climate change seriously

Vin Diesel even changed his name to Vin Solar

Why didn’t they ever stop for gas in the Fast and Furious movies?

They had Vin Diesel.

My son came up with this joke today. What do you call it when you're counting stock at a Ducati dealership?

Vin-vin-tory

My name is Vincent

But you can call me Vin, you'll save a cent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So how's the sex life?

Two fellows are catching up over a pint. Neither one of them are in the best of shape.

The older fellow says, "Well now that you've been married a few years, how is the sex life?"

The younger fellow says, "The wife calls me Vin Diesel when we are in the sack."

The older fellow...

Sven the farmer

A Minnesota farmer named Sven had a car accident. He was hit by a truck owned by the Ajax Company.

In court, the Ajax Company's hot shot attorney questioned him thus "Didn't you say to the state trooper at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine?"

Sven responded: "Vell, I'lla tell you vat...

You think das ist a long time?

Obama, Putin and Merkel meet in Hamburg for a private summit, and Merkel decides to break the ice with a nice walk around the lake (Alster).


Obama, admiring the foliage, says "you know, in the States, we have forests so vast, that some military training exercises last as long as 2 years."...

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.

Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"

Big Catholic ...

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