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Vee Jokes

An American man is traveling in Sweden. NSFW

He goes to the local bar one night and picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady. They go back to his hotel and start making out. They French kiss deeply, he pulls back and says “In America, we call that a Strawberry Sundae!” She responds “Yah, shuure, vee do too.”

He proceeds to undress her a...

Knock Knock...

Knock Knock...

Who's there?

Ze KGB!

Ze KGB who?

Vee veel ask ze questions, da?

Two German explorers

Two German explorers were making their way east across New York when they came to a wide river.

Karl: How vill vee get across dee large body of vater?

The other explorer sees a large, steel object north of them.

Heinrich: Look der es und structure dat vee can use to cross
<...

What did the German clockmaker say to the clock that only went "tick tick tick"?

"Vee haf vays to make you tock"

The Russians were hungry

SoVeeAte

There's this British RAF pilot in WW2, and he's been captured by the Germans....

the Krauts have him tied up and they're interrogating him.

"Tell us about your seekret plans, or vee vill cut off your leg!"

The Pilot, dashing and resolute, refuses, but before they cut off his leg, he asks them to please drop it over England on their next bombing raid, so it can rest...

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

Two Englishman and two Germans Get Into A Drinking Contest

They go beer to beer with each other until the Germans pull ahead at the very end

One of the Germans exclaims “Aha! Vee have beat you at your national past time!”

One of the Englishmen replies “Yeah, but we beat you twice at yours.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three men are sitting in a bar with a buy 3 get one free special

One says, "this deal is crap, we could go down the street to McVee's, it's buy two get one free"

The second guy says, "yeah well I always go to O'Donnell's, it's buy one get one."

The third says, "that's nothing, I know a bar that gives you the first *three* beers for free, then they t...

Two Canadians in Kentucky

So these two Canadians are driving into Louisville, Kentucky and are arguing about how to pronounce the name of the city.

“Its pronounced Lou-is-vill…obviously” The oilman from Alberta says

“No, you see, it is French! It is pronounced Loo-ie-vee!” The guy from Quebec retorts.

Th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ole and Lena want to join the local church

So they go meet the pastor. The pastor says “This church very high standards for our members. In order for me to accept you as new members, you will have to prove you are worthy by abstaining from sex for 30 days”.

Ole and Lena look at each other and said “Ya, sure, vee vill give it a try”...

A Yakov Smirnoff joke from the 80's

In America you have many channel. In Soviet Russia vee only have 2 channel: KGB1 and KGB2.

KGB1 is station vith KGB agent say all day how great is Mother Russia.

KGB2 is station vith KGB agent say "TURN BACK TO KGB1!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

During WWII, an Australian, a British and an American P.O.W. are forcibly recruited by a brilliant Nazi scientist to undergo an experimental treatment…

The purpose of the experiment is to create human time-keeping machines. They are each placed in separate rooms and subjected to intense brainwashing. After a week of treatment, the scientist comes to inspect on their progress.

He first looks in on the Australian soldier. Staring blankly ahea...

Ole and Sven and two Swedish girls

Ole and Sven are the best of friends, and they have two Swedish girls on the string - Lena and Olga - who live together in an apartment.

One evening Ole and Sven are sitting in the bar getting juiced. Ole turns to Sven and asks, 'Ven do you spose dose girls are gonna make out vit us?'
Sven...

It was 1940...

...in war time Berlin. An SS Officer had a side line going as an amateur clock maker and repairer. One day a customer walked into his clock repair shop with a mantel clock. The SS Officer said "Vhat can I do for you?" The customer replied. "It's my mantel clock. It's not working properly... if you p...

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