What’s the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies?

Both mean you won’t be seeing a period for a little while.

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law?

Yeah, he got two consecutive sentences!

Jeff, a semicolon, and an Oxford Comma walk into a bar.

They both had a great time.

What's the difference between a semicolon and a cat?

One has a pause at the end of it's clause, the other has claws at the end of it's paws.

The semicolon was invented because the colon was lonely...

It just wanted a little comma-raderie.

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

Why did the period and and semicolon break up?

Because they had nothing in comma

My mom got part of her colon removed.

Now she has a semicolon!

JavaScript is a lot like English;

No one knows how to use semicolons properly.

What do you call an intestine that's been partially removed?

A semicolon!

What do you call a dating site for santas?

The semicolon, it connects independent clauses

How do you know God didn't program the human digestive tract in C#?

It ends with a whole colon instead of a semicolon.

What did the English major have after getting intestinal surgery?

A semicolon

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

New weights and measures

1. The ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with Go...

My English teacher had part of his intestines removed

Now all he ever talks about is his semicolon

Half a large intestine...

...would be a semicolon.

What is black and white and red all over?

A suicide note.

Edit: I already feel horrible
Edit 2: I left out a semicolon

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