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Saw my dwarf neighbor this morning standing at the bus stop.. So I stopped and said "jump in I will give you a lift". "Fuck off!!" he screamed at me. I thought to myself "what an ungrateful person "

So I zipped up my backpack and kept on walking.

How ungrateful people are

My grandfather tried to warn everyone that the Titanic was going to sink. Besides not believing in him, they also expelled him from the movie theater!

My son is so ungrateful,

I bought him a new trampoline for Christmas but all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

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My little brother Jimmy is such an ungrateful fuck.

I purchased a trampoline for him yesterday and all he’s done since is cry in his wheelchair.

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My girlfriend is so ungrateful. Whenever I give her an orgasm...!

.. she just spits it out. !

Working in a bank is a very ungrateful job.

A lady asks me to check her balance. I politely said I sure will.

So I push her over, and they have the audacity to fire me!

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Talk about ungrateful....

The other day I gave my wife an orgasm....

And she just spat it straight out

My Nan has just been on the phone to say she's not returning from Australia because of all the ungrateful, useless kids back at home.

Boomer-rang doesnt come back

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Kids are so ungrateful these days.

I got my 11 year old nephew a trampoline for his birthday, and instead of thanking me, the little cunt just sat in his wheelchair and cried.

What do you get when you throw ungrateful kids in to a meat grinder?

Bratwurst

Women are so ungrateful these days.

I try and hold the door for them but all they do is scream and tell me to get out of the bathroom.

Women can be so ungrateful sometimes. I made her breakfast in bed and instead of saying, “Thank you”, she was all like…

“How did you get in my house?!”

My ungrateful daughter didn't enjoy the party everyone threw for her

It was a search party.

The French may be selfish, ungrateful Anglophobes, but you gotta give 'em credit.

They are always there when they need us.

Gynecologist Career Change

A gynecologist had become fed up with malpractice insurance and paperwork so he decided to give up practicing medicine.

Hoping to try another career where skillful hands would be beneficial, he decided to become a mechanic. He went to the local technical college, signed up for evening classe...

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A-a-another st-st-stutt...

A guy with a terrible stutter goes to the doctor. The doctor examines him, and says, "I\`m afraid the problem is your large penis. It requires such an enormous blood supply, not enough blood is reaching the speech center in your brain."

"W-w-well, what c-c-can I d-d-do?" asks the guy.

...

Saw my cousin walking down the street

Her dog got its foot stuck in a drain. I asked her if she needed help dealing with it. She told me to flip off. What a ungrateful brat, I muttered while putting my gun in its holder.

Tom Brady died

When he got to Heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Patriots flag in the window.

"This house is yours for eternity, Tom", said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here."

Tom felt special and walked up to his house. On ...

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I tried donating blood but they kept asking me too many stupid questions

Who's blood is it?

Where'd you get it from?

Why is it in a bucket?

Bunch of ungratefuls... I'm never donating shit again!

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My son

My 5 year old son said he wanted a treehouse in the back garden...
...20 years growing a tree and now he doesn't want it anymore...ungrateful bastard.

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A rock band was booed by the crowd.

The drum player and the bass player drink in a bar, depressed as fuck, trying to figure out what went wrong.
'It's probably the stage sound', the bass player suggests. 'That engineer can't mix shit in a bowl, let alone sound.'
'Come on, we've had worse. At least the monitors were working.'...

I donated my kidneys

So a week ago i donated 1 kidney to the hospital they were really grateful and i saved a mans life.
So yesterday i donated 4 kidneys to the hospital and now the police wont leave me alone.
Smh
Ungrateful people these days

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An engineer dies and goes to hell...

He is welcomed by his orientation demon, who shows him around and explains how things work. The engineer notices that a lot of things aren't working and are in dire need of fixing. The air conditioning is busted, the network is overloaded, there's power shortages everywhere, everything is overheatin...

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lucky mailman

after 20 years on the job the local postman is about to retire and on this last scheduled delivery run he finds himself beset with thankful friends and neighbours, all of whom show their appreciation of his years of service. loaded down with gift baskets, wine, flowers and thank you cards he reaches...

Warren Gatland and Eddie Jones are both killed when a lightning bolt hits the Millennium Stadium.

In heaven, they are greeted by God and Eddie is taken to his new home, a lovely English country cottage with statues of English rugby greats and angels singing Jerusalem and Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.

He was delighted until he suddenly heard some even more beautiful singing coming from the top...

What do you call a grateful salamander?

Thanxolotl

What do you call an ungrateful salamander?

*Thanx*o*lot*l

What do you call a slightly grateful salamander?

Thanxolitl

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I've just bought some Monk fish.

The ungrateful cunt didn't didn't even thank me!

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I came home from work with a bouquet of roses.

My wife looked at me suspiciously and said, "Have you done something wrong?"

I said, "...Yes."

She said, "What is it?"

I said, "Bought an ungrateful bitch flowers."

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I bought a parrot at an auction...

I bought a parrot at an auction, hoping that a companion might help me get through some tough times. The car ride home, the parrot had been quiet and an uneasy tension was building. Throughout the first night, my parrot remained quiet, but the next morning, I awoke to a machine-gun sequence of swe...

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I'll never understand women, my wife said to me earlier: "Babe, I'm stuck on 6 across. 8 letters, fixed the highway?"

"Retarred." I replied.

Ungrateful bitch just threw the paper at me and stormed out.

The missionary and the black sheep

A young missionary travels to Senegal to teach God's way to a local tribe.

Upon reaching the village, he is not well received by the inhabitants, but he slowly and steadily create contact.
After many years he's finally accepted by the people and goes along well with everyone, until one d...

I tried being polite by holding the door open for a lady...

I couldn't believe the ungrateful wench kept shouting at me, “I’m peeing in here!”

I got sacked last night from the Salvation Army soup kitchen....

.....Ungrateful bleeders, all I said was,
'Hurry up, for Pete's sake, some of us have got homes to go to!'

I tried to be a gentleman to this pretty lady, so I held the door open for her...

But she just screamed at me as she got sucked out of the plane! Women are so ungrateful for nice guys nowadays.

A farmer with an aptitude for music decided to host a music history lesson for the animals.

He gathered them all in the barn and declared, "Soon enough, I'll have proven that even animals can find appreciation in such a fine art!"

He played a flowing, melodic bar slowly on the keyboard and looked expectantly toward the animals. "This piece is moderately well known. Can anyone tell m...

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An attractive middle-aged woman sits at a bar...

... she orders a drink and a man sits beside her. They are both looking rather glum so she asks him what's the matter. He replies that he has a large chicken farm but none of the hens are laying fertile eggs, if this continues he will be out of business very soon. The man notices the woman is rather...

Two priests die and go up to Heaven...

.. but when they get there they find there's a HUGE lineup at the Pearly Gates. Hours and hours go by and they are barely inching closer to their destination. Finally they see St. Peter lean over and stare down the line at someone behind them. He makes a "come here" gesture and this pretty blonde...

Eventually, after living a full life, Tom Brady dies and goes to heaven...

At the Pearly Gates, God tells Brady, "As a reward for such a fine football career I am giving you a house. Now, not everyone gets a house up here, in fact it's quite rare. Tom, consider this is a personal gift from the Lord your God." The Almighty shows him to his new home and Brady is somewhat ta...

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