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Twix Jokes

I saw my son eating chocolate even after I confiscated all his Halloween candy. I asked him where he got that from.

He said, "I always have a few Twix up my sleeve."

I tried the left only twix they started selling recently.

Something about it just didn't taste right.

Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?

He had some Twix up his sleeve

Someone put the Twix out of reach of everybody.

So I thought to myself: "That's raising the bar a bit too high."

I only eat the Left Twix...

1st I eat the one on the left, then the one that is left.

Why are they called “Left Twix” and “Right Twix”?

Because if they were called “Top” and “Bottom” they’d be Twinx.

I steal candy bars using slight of hand...

You could say I have a few Twix up my sleeve

Why is the right twix bar always more expensive ?

That's cause the left uses government funding to make food cheaper for everyone.

I swapped the wrappers around on my wife's Halloween candy.

She didn't appreciate the joke at all. Now she's got her Snickers in a Twix over it.

I decided to hand out free Twix bars to people passing by on the street.

I did this for about 10 minutes, then someone noticed I had no more in my hand.

"Aww, was that your last one?" they asked.

I replied "Don't worry, I have more Twix up my sleeve."

I almost got busted for shoplifting candy today...

But I got out of it. I've got a couple of twix up my sleeve.

I'm so sick of all the right vs left BS! it's all 'the left are so evil all they do is ..' or 'the right is so evil all they care about is ..'

First off, it's divisive and bringing out the worst in people. Completely ruining the country. Secondly, who the hell really judges people based solely on which Twix they prefer?!

My wife hates it when I swap her chocolate bar wrappers round.

It gets her Snickers in a Twix.

People often ask me how I manage to smuggle chocolate into movie theatres

Let's just say, I have a few Twix up my sleeve...

Chinese magican

Did you hear about the Chinese Magican who did magic with Chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

The new machine at the gym is my favourite...

It has snicker, skittles, kit kats and twix

My sister came home today and said "they have this great new machine at the gym.."

"it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"

Sour Patch Kid Walks into a Support Group

Sour patch kid walks into a support group for separated couples.

He says, "Hello, I'm new, and my name is Barry. My wife, Godiva, and I have been together for 15 years, and have been separated for 2 of those years. She claims my mood swings are 'unbearable' "

Everyone says "Hi Barry ...

Successfully ran away from the cops today, after I stole a candy bar

They tried their best, but I had too many Twix up my sleeve.

Starting this Thursday, some movie theaters will not allow large bags inside the theater

But thank God I have a few twix up my sleeve

Did you hear about the chocolate bar burglar?!

The police are trying to catch him, but he's always got a few Twix up his sleeve!

I'm considering stuffing my clothes with candy bars.

That way, I'll always have Twix up my sleeve.

The lisp magician gives everyone a chocolate bar

Apparently he still had a few twix up his sleeves.

Really annoyed my Wife last week by opening a box of celebrations...

I changed all of the wrappers around.

She really got her Snickers in a Twix!

Happy Halloween

Bob thought his new neighbor across the street was strange from the moment he first moved in.  The new neighbor, Jack, was a dorky middle-aged white man, who laughed at his own jokes, which he told repeatedly, and only talked about the stupidest stuff, which he always claimed was super popular on Re...

Why did the magician with a speech impediment buy a candy bar?

Because he wanted to have a few Twix up his sleeve.

What did the confectioner say to the angry customer?

Don’t get your snickers in a twix.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Birth of Baby Ruth

It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"

Well, she immediate...

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