UPJOKE
satirelatin languageparodyscience fictionnovelfantasticmythologyfictiontravelwarfantasyhomernarrativeancient greekstorm

True Story Jokes

True Story that is also a joke. (It really is true.)

I was doing tourist stuff in New Orleans one summer and had gone down to the waterfront. I was sitting on a bench looking out at the water when a guy came up to me and offered me a bet. He said, "I bet you $5 I can tell you where you got your shoes."

I was from several states away so I figure...

A disturbing but true story about me

When I was born, my mother died and my father abandoned me. So I spent my entire childhood with my aunt and uncle.

When I was in my late teens, I stumbled upon a video that my sister had made of herself. It was then that I realized that she was really, really hot. I watched the video twice, a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(Based on a true story): My 6 year old son walked into the family room while I was watching a movie. He points at me and proclaims "You licked a puss!"...

I muted the TV and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I'm sorry? What did you say?"

He pointed again and proclaimed "YOU LICKED A PUSS!"

My mind stared racing... "Did we leave the door opened on date night last Saturday?" I then looked behind me and saw a candle burning.

"Son...

True story

So my friend and I were at his place and for some reason argued about who was smarter than the other, so we decided to do an online IQ test.

He went first, as he was sitting at the computer, while I looked on. He scored an impressive 120. Then it was my turn: 121.

There was a moment of...

True story: My wife told me after our first kid

“I don’t think I’ll ever get down to my original weight.”

Me: “I’m glad you’re finally thinking straight, after all, 6 lbs 3 oz is just not realistic.”

She still doesn’t think it was funny years later.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True Story: This genuinely happened last night. I work as a Doorman/Bouncer. I own a pair of electrically heated socks. A customer came out for a cigarette as I was plugging the battery packs in and switching them on...

Lady: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm just turning my socks on."
Lady: "Ooooo, that's *very* considerate of you!"
Me: "What d'you mean?"
Lady: "Well, most guys I know wouldn't bother with that... they'd just cum in them!"

True story.

Here is a story my dad shared with me before he passed away.

In the '30's, mail was often delivered by a silver fixed landing gear airplane to the Walnut Ridge airport. My dad and his dad was out plowing the cotton field with their only mule. A silver plane flew lazily overhead which caught...

True Story

Yesterday would have been my stepfather Tom's 75th birthday. To commemorate the occasion, I give you this story.

Back in 2006, I was prepping to relocate from Nebraska back to Southern California, and this meant lots of phone calls between me and my mother. One Friday evening, I called her up...

A teacher tells the students to each tell a true story that has a moral that they learned from one of their parents...

The teacher calls up a little girl, and she tells her story, "My dad is raises chickens for their eggs. One day he collected the eggs from his hens and put them all into a big basket. Then he put the basket into the back of his truck but as he was driving to market he hit a big bump in the road, whi...

Electrical Hum - True story

Was working on a Generator switchgear with the factory representative who was from Ireland and we had the generators running and the electrical panel open with all the thick bare copper busbars visible. As most may know anything with a ton of electricity flowing through it makes this humming sound. ...

Based on a true story

During the liberation of Kuwait many Kuwaitis named their children that were born during that time with related names to the event.

One of those names were, and I kid you not, "George Bush". Not as in George and the dad bush but literally a single first name George Bush.

Now this guy...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have the time, here is Norm Macdonald's moth joke as presented in his book, "Based on a True Story".

A moth goes into a podiatrist's office, the podiatrist says. What's the problem?

The moth says, where do I begin with my problems? Every day I go to work for Gregory Vasilovich, and all day long I toil. But what is my work? I am a bureaucrat, and so every day I joylessly move papers from one ...

True story.

Two of my colleagues and I went to lunch with our manager and his manager who was visiting our office from out of town. We each ordered a beer with our meal and the manager's manager, who was a teetotaler unbeknownst to us, turned to our manager and asked if he knew we drank. Our Manager replied "...

An old lady in London...(a true story)

Around a week ago I was waiting in queue behind an old lady at KFC. She placed her order, paid in cash, and all was well until she received one of those new plastic £5 notes as change from the cashier.

She vocally expressed her dislike about the presence of animal products in the new £5 bills...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

the true story of Cinderella (oc)

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball, but her mom said she had work to do.

So she finished all her chores and asked "please, please, let me go to the ball!"

But mom said no, she had nothing to wear.

"Oh, i sewwed this dress out of old scraps. Isn't it beautiful?" Cinderella ple...

True story.

Wife: Go away, I don't like your attitude.

Me: I'm sorry, I guess I'm just a little on edge.

Wife: I can tell by your sighs.

Me: What're you talking about? Is it that obvious?

Wife: Sighs matters.

True story: my org is discussing the new name for our next project...

Our current project "Servicing 2" is finishing soon. There is discussion around naming the next version, and "Servicing X" came from a "trendy" exec. I mentioned a good abbreviation could be "ServX". I'm waiting for either a commendation or a write-up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Not a repost (true story, too)

One day I was walking to school with my friends in a very busy city. The school was about ten-ish blocks away from where we met up, and sure, there's always crap on the ground (whether from a human or a dog) and homeless people, but otherwise it's pretty much what you'd expect.

This particula...

True Story.

My wife and I were shopping with her parents. Lovely people, who had just booked a holiday to New York to visit my brother in-law, who is expecting his first child. In preparation for this they needed to buy new luggage. We were walking around the shopping centre and had a few bags by the time th...

A supposedly true story

One day, in Great Britain, two Muslim schoolgirls were chatting away to each other in a foreign language on a public bus. The man sitting in front of them turned around and said, "This is England. Speak English." The woman in front of him turned around and said, "Actually, this is Wales and they're ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The true story of an amazing cock-up [NSFW]

This was told to me as a true story.

There was a cardiology conference in the US, and the keynote speaker was a distinguished Scottish surgeon, Dr. Cockburn.

When it was nearly time for his keynote speech, the M.C. was introduced to him.

"Frank, I wanted to introduce you to our ...

THIS IS A TRUE STORY

When I was in my tenth grade biology honors class, we were tasting a compound known as PTC. For those of you that don't know PTC is a chemical that you can either taste, super-taste or not taste at all and it depends entirely on genetics. I couldn't taste it but my tablemate Eric (made up name for p...

TRUE story

I have a friend

He got $250k inheritance on his 21 bday.

He went to the bar and gave his waitress $100 during the night. She returned it all the next day saying “I’m not taking money from a drunk.” They ended up getting married and she took all his money in divorce court.

True Story: I found a note on my doorstep today.

Opening it, I was excited to see a riddle!

It read:
"What dog has legs
But cannot run.
A tail,
It cannot wag,
A mouth,
But cannot bark,
A nose,
But cannot smell?"

I love ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I believe it's a true story... who knows?

Someone told me this joke many years ago. They say it was an English couple in Algarve (Portugal) but I believe this can be a joke (Btw, English not my main language...)

A man and woman enter an hospital. The man has blood on his dick and the wife has a burn on her face and back.

The d...

(True story) I walked into an electric fence

And the result was shocking

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A true story

Saw my Doctor this morning about my undescended testicle, he seemed surprised that this hadn’t been caught in early childhood during any of my checkups.

He asked, “did your parents never check you as a baby?”

I replied, “no, they really dropped the ball on this one”

He smiled. ...

Native American name - a true story

25 years ago, I worked with a guy named Kee Smith (last name changed here... this is really a real story). Kee was sort of a crunchy granola type of European ancestry. Eventually, he told the story about his unusual name.

He said he was born on a reservation, and he was placed in a bassinet...

True story: Wife asked the 7yo, "Do you have any girlfriends at school?"

7yo, "No, just 'personal complications'."

Based on a true story: I was carrying back gardening tools to the shed and dropped one. My wife yells from behind me.

"Yee haw, it's a hoe down"

True Story

**Wife** (Drops sauce on dress): Oh! I look like a pig.

**Husband**: Yes! And you dropped sauce on your dress.

A man asks for vodka in a club(true story)

So I work at a nightclub and a guy approaches me and asks how much does a bottle of vodka cost, I replied with 80 euros.
The man then said "can I buy half a bottle for 40 euros" .
Me : no sir, but I can give it to you for free if you'd like.
Man : oh really! Are u joking!
Me : Yes, but y...

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

True story

A few years ago, the (very attractive) checkout assistant in Asda asked the person in front of me for age ID. Ever the charmer I asked if she wanted to see my ID.

Quick as a flash she replied "Yeah, go on, show me your bus pass!"

Swear on my life this is a true story. An experienced cook in my kitchen just slipped and fell in a fryer....

Was mostly ok, definitely could have gone worse as far as oil burns go. His elbow and a portion of his forearm were burned pretty serious and the whole kitchen had stopped and the sous chef was giving him medical attention when the new young cook, who people were still trying to warm up to, goes...

True story

Not sure where to post this.


About 6 months ago, my now 5 year old daughter came into mine and my fiance's room, and started screaming saying she was missing her thumb. It took me a minute to realize what was going on.


A little backstory, my 5 year old daughter was born about ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story

My wife comes at home in a hurry:

**—** Honey, I'm late for my gynecologist appointment! Don't have time to shower and shave, I'll just wash down there and I'll go. 5 min later she rushes out the door.

When she comes back, she's angry as hell:

**—** That son of a bitch, he's bee...

(True story) After reaching the height of his fame, Alec Guinness went into a restaurant and dropped his jacket off at the reception..

When it was time to give his name, the Receptionist told him it wasn’t necessary. Feeling flattered, Alec went to his table..

At the end of the night, he went to pick up his jacket. In the pocket of his jacket, there was the ticket stub. On the ticket stub, where his name was supposed to be, ...

Mikhail Kalashnikov visits the United States (based on true story)

For the first time, the legendary father of the AK-47 visits the United States. On his first day there he goes to a shooting range and meets up with Eugene Stoner, the father of America's M16. They discuss the advantages and disadvantages of each of their creations to which Eugene Says:

"My ...

True story ( I hope you see the humour)

Back in the 50’s in Sou’West Nova Scotia the roads were not very good and the fog was always very thick which made driving difficult for even the best drivers.
My father at 17 was in the Canadian Navy, got drunk, got into a fight and landed himself in jail. This was about an hours drive from wher...

How to get to Heaven from Ireland (A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher)...

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven. I asked them,
"If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?"
"NO!" the children answered.
"If I cl...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story

Last Friday I met at party one girl and it seemed she likes me. First time somebody likes me. We go out for fresh air and she asked me If I want to buy insurence...... FML, Im Virgin forever

Discount War Medals (True Story)

Once I saw an article about how a person found a Purple Heart in a Goodwill store. They then bought it and tried to locate the family where it came from so they could return it to whomever it belonged.

But I commented on it saying “Wow they found a Purple Heart at Goodwill, that’s is a steal!...

True story

My fathers name is Edward, Ed for short, and my mother’s name is Alice. The joke was “if you have a problem with Ed, see Alice.”

True Story: My wife took my 15 year old daughter to get her 1st...

Pfizer vaccination on Friday night at a local CVS. The place was packed and there was an older couple there thanking everyone for getting vaccinated. When my wife and daughter got home they were telling me about how packed it was. My daughter mentioned the older couple and said that when they tha...

(actual true story) I saw some board games in the middle of the road that must have falled off of a car; the Scrabble box had burst open and there were tiles everywhere.

A case of a wreck tile dysfunction.

True story! My wife wasn't happy...

I was at a store with my son and wife, so I have a habit of flipping my wedding ring in the air like a coin and catch it. Then my son saw me doing it and tried to grab it in mid air, causing it to fall to the ground. He scrambled to get it and I said, "Son, give me that! It's really expensive!"
<...

The light switch [true story]

One day, the milkman came to the farm to bring the milk to the factory.
He left a note to my father saying : " the light switch isn't working "
To what my father replied another note : " the light switch doesn't like it gentle "

The dairy man left the last note : " Neither the bake...

The Queen and her protection officer were walking through the park in Balmoral (TRUE STORY as told to me by a close source)

As they walked they were approached by an older American couple. “Afternoon, isn’t it lovely here, do you come often?”

“As I matter of fact I live nearby actually.” replied her majesty as her PPO shifted uncomfortably.

“Wow, have you ever met the Queen?!” asked the eager tourists.
<...

A true story that my history teacher told me

President Calvin Coolidge was famous for barely talking at all and not speaking to anyone. While campaigning, a woman encountered him on the street and excitedly said “Mr. President! My friend bet me $20 that I could get you to say three words!” Coolidge simply responded “You lose”

We saw a blind man walking at night (true story)

My girlfriend: whats he doing walking when its pitch black out!
Me: ......

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Any body got a good go to story when on a date to make them laugh … here s mine .. true story buckle up

So I went on holiday to Benidorm with my mate Paul

Now we’re on the beach , red hot day and I’m laid there getting nicely frazzled with a cold beer in one hand and an iPhone in the other hand ,watching the sun give it its best

Now ,all of a sudden my mate Paul gets up and says
<...

A true story.

Two little fleas... They meet at a bar in Florida. They vacation together all the time. One year, the second little flea arrives, and he's freezing, freezing cold. And he says, "Ooh, ooh, I was just zooming down from Jersey in the mustache of some guy on a motorcycle, and I am frozen!" And the first...

A true story for married men

True story for my married buds!

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story

After our daughter went to bed, my wife and I were watching a “James Bond” movie and, after a bit, he took off his shirt and I, joking around, said to my wife:
“Oh, you like that don’t you? You’re probably getting horny!”
Suddenly, I saw our kid behind the couch and she asked:
“What’s ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story but I think it’s funny.

My uncle and his buddy used to drink a lot.
One day they were both plastered and John leans against Radford so he doesn’t fall over. As he leans in John asks, “Radford? Is my cock out?”
Radford says, “No it isn’t.”
John replied, “Well it should be cause I’m pissing”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sugar and sperm (true story)

During a Science class...

Teacher: Human sperm has sugar as one of his main ingredients.

Female student: Teacher, if it has sugar why it's not sweet?

Teacher: because the area that detects sweetness is the tongue, not the throat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story

On the way home, my girlfriend told me "I saw a girl at the fair who had a way better butt than me"

I said "No she didn't"

true story

This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things. He immediately phoned the ...

100% True Story - Funniest Thing That Ever Happened to Me

Not long after my younger son was born I left the Army and, not having a new job to go to and my wife having a great job, I looked after the house and my two boys for some years.

When my older son started school, we would walk home together and discuss what he'd learned and talk about life. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A true story about my grandad

I remember we used to think my grandad was autistic or some kind of idiot savant. He left school at 14 with no qualifications, worked for 50 years as a coal miner, never read a book in his life but whenever you asked him anything, no matter how crazy or obscure he always had the answer. Then we got ...

True story.....Back on January 9th, a group of HELL'S ANGELS

, SouthCarolina bikers were riding East on 378 when they saw a girl about to jump off the Pee Dee River Bridge. So they stopped.

George, their leader, a big burly man of 53, gets off his Harley, walks through a group of gawkers, past the State Trooper who was trying to talk her down off the r...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A true story that has a punchline

I was standing out in front of a big box store with my dad, waiting on my Aunt to shop. When we see a beautiful African American lady walk past in yoga pants. I’m talking drop dead gorgeous!

After watching her walk into the store, my dad comments “Holy crap, those should be illegal!”

I...

Vietnam veteran's hilarious true story

A bunch of US soldiers were marching across a field. One of the guys says to his buddy, "Hey, do you see where we are?" He looks around and realizes they are walking through a massive field of marijuana. The soldiers started breaking off plants and stuffing them into their clothes and their helmets,...

Here is a demotivating true story from my high school days.

I was obese in high school and there was this really hot girl, I had a huge crush on. During the two years of high school I asked her out around 4 times and every time she gave various reasons why we wouldn't work.

Then on the last day of high school, I...

True Story

I was driving home with my 5 year old daughter tonight asking about her day.

"What did you learn at school today?", I asked.

"I don't remember.", she replied.

"Chicken lips?", I suggested

She immediately said, "Noooo."

I asked again. "Tuna hips?"

She let l...

True story, my younger son called my older son "stupid"...

wife: "We don't call people the 's-word' in this house!"

me: "Yes. Don't call people 'stupid'. That's r€tarded."

wife: \*stink eye\*

son: \*helpless giggles despite determination not to laugh at anything Dad says\*

An inspiring true story about my friend's grandmother.

I'd like to tell you a little-known, but inspiring and true story that involves my friend Jake's grandmother.

Her name was Erica. She lived a typical grandmother life, knitting, spoiling her grandchildren and puttering around.

But despite having lived a full life before retiring, she w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story.

You ever pass wind and it does not smell like you would expect? I an driving to work one day and fart and to my surprise it smelled exactly like a whopper with cheese. At first I was a little amused but then the cravings hit. I skipped breakfast and all morning long I can only think about lunch and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

(True story) Friend and I were talking about dick sizes and my mother over hears me say how small I am.

She says in a defensive concerned voice. Noooo.. You're big.....

Mom! How the hell would you even know that?! You haven't seen my junk since I was a baby!

Cause, when you were born the nurses came to me and said you were the biggest of all the other baby boys in the nursery.

I s...

[True story] A coworker never heard of the burger restaurant “Five Guys”

And his daughter told him “I had five guys last night and I’m not feeling well now.”

A regular in our cafe (true story)

I run a small cafe. A regular (R) and his wife (W) stopped in yesterday and ordered their usual meal. W said "R had surgery this morning."

R said "I had eye surgery, had a cataract removed."

When they left, I said "Goodbye R, Hope you'll see us soon."

A true story from Warren Buffett

One day Mr. Buffett invited a jeweler over to show some jewels to his other friends during a vacation, but was worried about the security of the hotel.

“See that safe?” the jeweler said. “This afternoon we changed the combination and now even the hotel management doesn’t know what it is.” War...

*true story. I dropped an egg on my feet while cooking breakfast

I guess the yolk's on me...

I had a dream (true story) that I was watching YouTube videos on how to turn large animals into cars.

Taxidermy.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True Story, conference speakers tale.

3 day conference wednesday to friday, 9-6pm, 60 speakers, several hundred in attendance. Our guy draws the 5pm friday slot.
Walks in 5 mins before as the crowd is emptying out from the previous talk. Starts setting up the computer, looks up, just one guy left sitting in the front, rest of the ha...

True story...

My 4 year old nephew and his family came to visit the other day. He was carrying a bag of chips and asked if I wanted some. I told him, "No, those are bad for you."

He looked at me so confused and then asked, "Why?" I told him they would make him fat and if he ever wanted to be strong he wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is actually a true story told by a psychiatrist in Sri Lanka, which my father told me. I have changed some names to make it more universal...

Dr. Chandra the psychiatrist was talking to a patient in his ward who was convinced he was a Buddha. The man sat cross-legged on his bed in an apparent meditation posture when Dr. Chandra came to interview him.

Dr. Chandra: so you believe you are a Buddha?

Patient: that is so

D...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is a true story:

Mmmmmmmaaaaaaaaannnnnnnn! I just left the Mobil (gas station). I pulled up to get some gas and saw two police officers looking at a woman smoking while pumping gas. I'm like really look at this shit! And the police looked like they were thinking the same thing! So I go in to pay for the gas n grab s...

Very slightly based on a true story

When I was in college, our RA was in a frat, Alpha Chi Rho (usually Chi Rho for short.) They had this setup with some various clubs, athletes usually of some sort, because a lot of them majored in physical therapy and/or massage therapy, where they'd have the guys in the frat give therapy sessions.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Arnold Schwarzenegger Joke: True Story

3 guys in their early twenties were waiting for a 4th person they were matched up with to play some golf. To their surprise, the 4th person shows up and it's Arnold Schwarzenegger.

He walks up smoking a cigar and the first thing he says to them is "So when was your last blowjob?"

On...

Philosophy Major: True story

With five minutes left in his class, a philosophy professor decides to talk about his own college experience.

“Philosophy is basically a dead-end major. You know where your career is going when you sign up for it.” He looks at one student and asks, “What would your parents say if you told the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story from a state trooper...

A state trooper told me she was talking to the mother of a girl who was arrested for heroin.

The daughter was trying to justify her addiction and said, "Mom, it's not like I shoot it up, I just snort it!"

The mother replied, "Nicole, that's like saying you're a prostitute and don't ta...

I nibbled on my 3 year olds ear and said "I'm going to eat your ears". She said "Papa! No! Don't eat my ears!"

"My mask will fall off!"

(True story from yesterday, happy end of 2021!)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story: Back in 8th grade

My English A teacher: Women are very capable of looking after themselves...

Me: Yeah, in the kitchen...

-whole class chuckles whiles she gives me a dirty look-

She responds, with an insincere smile: Actually, women are slowly moving out of the kitchen and onto better things......

True story: Kitty cat had PUPPIES!

Recently attended my great aunts funeral. This was a beautiful story that accompanied.




My great aunt ran a beauty shop. One day, while tending to a female client in the beauty shop, her female client's highly acclaimed husband sat in a chair as company.

One of my young cous...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story, and a disturbing one. Just want to make people aware of this.

Went to this liquor store after the gym today and the guy behind the counter asked if I wanted a free case of Guinness beer.

I said hell ya.

He said let me touch your dick for a little bit.

Fucking perverts are everywhere. You guys believe that shit.

Worst part was, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Always drive in reverse when you're drunk (True story)?

This is a true story. Many many years ago, before drink driving laws were as strong as they are today, a friend of my Dads, lets call him Dave, was leaving the pub, keys in hand and a hefty number of pints on board.

"Jesus, am I all right to drive" he wonders as he misses the ignition with th...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True Story

When I was going to college (in eastern european country), the dorms had only one toilet and they were locked after midnight. One night my friend wakes me up saying that he has stomach issues and cannot hold it in. We go to the window in the corridor and he puts his ass out of the window and eases h...

True story...I was getting a hair cut...

...and wanted to start a conversation with the lady cutting my hair. Maybe she likes birds, so I tried, "This morning when I opened my garage door I heard six different kinds of bird song in the first 30 seconds."

"Yeah, I guess." OK, she is not interested in birds. Maybe sports, "This weeken...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I read a true story about a guy who cries every time he masturbates.

A real tear jerker.

True story: My girlfriend asked if I was okay carrying my car's new tire.

"I'm fine," I replied. "It's not like I'm two tired."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

True story

My dad ate whale in Japan but it wasn't on porpoise.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Based on a true story (programming, walks into a bar)

Two programmers walk into a bar. The Python programmer orders an orange juice. The C programmer gets a look of disgust and says "You're in a bar! You should order an alcoholic drink!" The Python programmer gets his juice, pulls out his wallet, and pays for his drink. The C programmer tells the barte...

True story… three days into the pnw heatwave I overheard a coworker and his client talking about how they were dealing with the heat…

Client: “I had to spend the last three days at my girlfriends apartment” Coworker: “Oh, does she have air conditioning” Client: “No… Only Fans.”

A true story about the time I got caught speeding

This is the story of the time I was pulled over for doing almost 70 in a construction area, where the speed limit had been reduced to 55.

So I pulled over right away because I'm white and a man with a mustache that only a cop would grow, swung a leg dramatically over his motorcycle and walke...

True Story of Joke Told at Ft Benning, GA

In class 92-1 of Infantry Officer Basic course we were in a large lecture hall in building 4 at Ft. Benning, GA. Desert Storm had just finished less than a year previously and we were one of the first classes of new infantry officers to get a look at all the cool intelligence from Iraq. We were th...

(True story, for what it’s worth) My neighbour has a new Spanish teacher at school, his name is Mr Armada.

“Like the Spanish Armada?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said and I shook my head in disbelief.

“Well,” I sighed. “At least he isn’t called Mr Inquisition. Nobody would have expected that.”

While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn't seem amused...

**It must have been the delivery.**



edit:

* I meant to note that I originally posted this as a comment in another joke, but thought I'd try it as a stand-alone joke

* This is literally a true story. She gave birth to an amazing little girl on Tuesday evening.

Based on a True Story: A breeding pair of crocodiles ate two European tourists in Australia

This actually happened back when I was a kid in the 90's: A French photographer and his friend from Czechoslovakia got too close to a nesting site and were attacked and consumed by a pair of crocodiles in Australia. The female ate the Frenchman.

The Czech was in the male.

This is actually a true story, when I was 17 I had a choice to study in Canada or the USA. I chose Canada because it was less expensive

In retrospect I dodged a bullet, maybe multiple bullets

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.