A blonde girl is walking and sees a brunette down by the train tracks

The brunette is jumping on and off the tracks. As she jumps she says, “21 21 21 21”.

The blonde girl asks her what she’s doing.

The brunette says, “oh it’s fun join me.” The blonde says, “OK” and starts jumping.

As they jump they say, “21 21 21 21.” The blonde notices that a...

A lady is tied on a train track and screaming for help.

I man suddenly rushes out of nowhere and approaches the woman.

He says “Thank goodness you are still alive.
It means the 9:00 train hasn’t left yet.”

A train's co-conductor spotted a landmine on the train tracks up ahead.

"MINE!" the co-conductor shouted.
"What's that?" the head conductor asked cynically. "I thought I've already made it clear that this train is mine. Is that cle-"

Suddenly, the train ran over the landmine, creating a massive explosion, leaving an unfortunate amount of survivors. The head ...

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My friend once dared me to take a shit on electrified train tracks.

That was the last time I put my ass on the line for him.

Tonto and The Lone Ranger we’re riding their horses next to some train tracks..

They stop and hop off their horses. Tonto puts his ear onto the tracks and tells The Lone Ranger “Buffalo come”. The Lone Ranger says “how do you know?”. Tonto says “my ear is stuck”.

Why did the Mexican man tie his wife to the train tracks?

Because he wanted tequila!

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NSFW My friend found a girl tied to the train tracks.

He told me he untied her and they went back to his place, I asked what they got up to and he said they had sex all night. Impressed by this I asked him if he got any head to which he said Nah I couldn’t find it

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*Offensive* A man walking along the train tracks stumbles upon a genie's lamp

The man rubs the lamp & the genie grants him 3 wishes, but a young boy nearby witnesses it all unfold. As the man is about to make his wishes, a train passes by and the curious boy is unable to hear his wishes... when the train is done passing, the genie is gone, but the man is still there, coun...

I saw my mother-in-law tying herself to the train tracks. I couldn't believe what I was witnessing.

I looked at her, my eyes widened, and said, "Don't do it!"

"Why the hell not?!" she yelled.

I said, "They aren't running today."

A friend pushed me on to some train tracks and said it was a joke.

I didn't get it, but then it hit me.

What's it called when somebody carelessly walks on train tracks?

A loco motive

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A man at the bar was telling his friends about a girl tied to the train tracks...

She screamed for help. The man waited a bit, then he quickly untied her. He then told his friends about the hot sex both of them right after he untied her. He was describing all the positions they did it in. Then one of his friends asked:
-“Did she give you head”
To that he man replied:
“No...

A dog comes upon a set of train tracks

As the pup crosses the tracks a train comes by and runs over the dogs tail, causing the tip of his tail to fall off.

Saddened by his loss, the dog turn around to sniff his lost appendage.

As he is sniffing his tail another train comes by and cuts his head off.

The end.
...

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Two Hobos are walking along a train track.

The one hobo goes to the other hobo, "Did I ever tell you about the best day of my life? I was walking down these very same tracks and out of the corner of my eye I saw a 50 dollar bill stuck between a track. I bought myself a case of Thunder Ripple and me and Sneaky Pete and One Eyed Dan partied ...

Three hobos are walking down the train tracks...

And after days of walking and no food in their bellies they find a dead squirrel. Two of the hobos start eating but the third refuses. The first two ask him why and he replies “I’m waiting for a hot meal.”

After eating the squirrel they continue on their way. Along the tracks they fi...

A cat is walking across a train track... (joke from my 94 yr old grandpa)

The cat just makes it across the second rail as a train comes speeding past, cutting off the tip of the cat's tail. The cat at once jumps up and around, and its head is run over. The moral is, don't lose your head over a little tail.

I always tell my kids to stay well clear of any Train tracks...

...except "Drops of Jupiter". That one's ok.

Heading to work this morning there was a car parked on the train tracks, with a bumper sticker that said "Honk if you love Jesus!"

That train engineer must have REALLY loved Jesus.

Train Tracks

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head were walking through a forest when they come upon a set of tracks.
"They must be a set of polar bear tracks," says the blonde.
"No, no, they are a set of deer tracks," says the brunette.
The red head then exclaimed, "Are you kidding me? Polar bear! This ...

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Two guys lost in the woods [NSFW]

Two hunters are lost in the woods and looking for a way back to town. As they wander through the forest they come upon train tracks. It's decided that one would follow it south, the other would follow north. If neither found civilization after five miles, they would turn around and meet back up.
...

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A pessimist sees a dark tunnel.

An **optimist** sees light at the end of the tunnel.

A **realist** sees a freight train.

The **train driver** sees 3 fucking idiots standing on the train tracks.

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NSFW Two guys are on a camping trip...

And on the last day, they can't decide on what to do. So one decides he'll go for a lonely walk in the forest, while the other goes to a mountain lake.

When they meet up in the evening, the forest guy is "Hey, how did your day go?"

"Awesome. I went to this mountain lake, and there was...

A blonde was walking through the woods...

... when she saw a brunette on some train tracks. She watched her for a few minutes, trying to understand what she was doing. The brunette was hopping from one track to the other, saying "38, 38, 38..."

After a little while, the blonde decides to join the brunette, hopping from track to track...

Three hunters go into the forest

One is really good, one is ok, and the third one is bad.

the first day, the good hunter goes out and comes back after a few hours with two deer. Astounded, the other two ask how he did it. he says "simple. I see deer tracks, I follow deer tracks, I see deer, I shoot deer, and bring it home fo...

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A man walks into a bar with a big smile on his face

The bartender says “why are you so happy?”

The man replies “well, after work I was walking home and saw this woman tied to a train track. It was just like something out of a movie! So I untied her and took her home. And then we had the best sex of my life, all over the house in every position...

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Two friends go for a hike...

Two friends, Dave and Darren, go on an adventure hike which would last for months. Two months in they get a bit tired of each other and decide to split up for four days and rendezvous at a mutually known bar in a nearby town.

Four days later they meet up and are back in the groove. Dave goes...

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A man walks into a bar

He looked very tired in the early morning. The bartender asks “what’s up man why you look so tired”. Eh, it’s a long story, replies the man. The bartender requests the man to tell the story.

Well then, I saw a girl yesterday. She was tied to a train track.

“TRAIN TRACK?” the barten...

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A man moves in with his girlfriend.

Everything is going great in the relationship except she has this mean cat that always hisses at the dude and sometimes pisses on his clothes. He decides to secretly do something about it.

One day when she is at work, he puts the cat in his car and drives to the next town and tosses the cat o...

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Jake and Dave on a camping trip (NSFW!)

Jake and Dave were on a camping trip. On the last day of their trip, they couldn't decide what to do. Jake wanted to go to the beach, Dave wanted to go hiking. So they split up for the day.

They met back up late at night at camp. Jake was like "Dude, my day was AWESOME! I went to the beach an...

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Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day

Two homeless men are standing around bragging about their day. The First hobo says "Today i found $20, and was able to buy a nice hot meal. It was my luckiest day ever!".

to which the second hobo replies: "oh yeah, my day was way better! I was at the train yard, and found a woman tied to the ...

The Pig.

A man was walking in the country and saw a pig with a wooden leg sitting outside a barn. As he was pondering this, the pig's owner came along. The man asked the farmer how the pig got his wooden leg.

The farmer said, "Let me tell you, that is some pig! Our house caught fire last May, and he ...

The blonde hunting trip

A brunette, a Indian, and a blonde going on a hunting trip. the Indian goes out and comes back with a big buck, the brunette and the blonde asked "how did you get the buck?" The Indian says "I see deer track, I follow deer track, I shoot deer." so the brunette goes out and comes back with a huge ...

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(NSFW) A cowboy walks into a bar, looking as happy as can be. Another man sitting down asks him,

“What on Earth could you be so happy for?”

The cowboy promptly answers with “I just untied a woman from the train tracks and proceeded to have sex with her”

The other man, astonished, asks for more details.

The cowboy proceeds to tell the other man all the positions they did i...

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Frustrated Prostitute.

There was this hard working prostitute who had been working 18 hours a day for more than a decade.She had a quite a bit of money but money wasn't what she wanted anymore, she was sick of her job,her life ,EVERYTHING.One day she decided to end her miserable life and she lied down on a train track wit...

Four Different Views Of Life

One day, three friends went walking on a train track stumbled upon a tunnel (mind you, the first is an Optimist, the second a Realist, and the third a Pessimist). The Optimist says,
“Fellas, lets go through this tunnel! C’mon it’ll be fun!”
The other two roll their eyes and agree. About halfw...

Why did Helen Keller get run over by a train...

Because she was standing on the train tracks

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Bob was late to come to see his friend John at the bar

John: Dude, you're so late!

Bob: You won't believe what just happened to me. On my way here, I saw a girl tied to a train track. I untied her and we had sexy time together.

John: That sounds awesome dude!

Bob: Yeah, I know right. We did missionary, doggy, cowgirl etc. you name i...

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Two guys camping in the woods (nsfw)

Two guys have been out camping in the bush for so long they're getting sick of each other. So, they decide to split up for a day, one goes north and one goes south, and they meet back at camp the next morning with a little less hate toward each other. North guy asks South guy what he saw-
...

Two homeless guys

Were walking along by the train tracks one day.

Guy#1 said "man, the other day I had the best day ever. I found $100 and I was drunk for a week straight."

Guy #2 said "nice man, that's awesome. The other day I had an great day too: I was walking along and I saw this beautiful naked wo...

A man was walking home

A man was walking home one night when suddenly his foot gets stuck in a train track. He tries to wriggle it off but he can’t quite manage it. After several minutes trying to get his foot loose, he hears a train coming. In panic, he tries desperately to get off the track but all his efforts are in va...

Woman Saved by Ugly man

Ugly guy walks into a bar with a huge smile on his face.

***Bar keep*** asks him 'what are you so happy about?'

***Ugly guy*** says 'Well I was walking home and I found this woman tied to the train tracks, I untie her and we go back to my place. We do it every way imaginable, all night...

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4 jokes you shouldn't laugh at but you still do ..... NSFW I guess

Reddit give me your worst most racist/sexist/dirtiest joke that you know you shouldn't laugh at but you still do. I'll start off with a few of my favorites:

Q: what do you call 5 black men hanging in a tree?
A: Mississippi wind chime

Q: why do women wear white on their wedding day?<...

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Two guys are on a camping trip...

and are at each others throats. Seeing as they've been best friends for years, they know how to handle the situation. Both agree to sleep on it, part ways in the morning and meet for dinner after blowing off some steam.

So later that night, they tell each other about their respective days. "M...

So a blonde and her two friends went hunting...

The first woman comes back with a rabbit, to the amazement of the second woman, who proceeds to ask "How'd you do it?"
To which the first replies "Found the tracks, followed the tracks, saw the rabbit, shot the rabbit, rabbit stopped."
The second woman then goes out and comes back with a dee...

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Rescued a woman

I was telling my friend about a woman I saved from the train tracks one night. She was so grateful that we had sex all night. "Did she give you a blowjob?" he asked me. "Can't say she did" I told him, "I never found the head"

A blond is hiking through the woods when she hears someone counting up ahead.

She emerges from the tree line to find a brunette doing jumping jacks on a set of train tracks repeating, "10, 10, 10..." upon every jump.

The blonde says to the brunette, "Excuse me for wondering, but what exactly are you doing?"

The brunette replies, "It's a great game I just learned...

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This is the sickest train joke I know. Be warned.

Bruce was meant to meet his friend in a bar at midday.
12:30pm, 1pm, then 1:30pm rolls around. Just as Bruce was about to give up, his friend finally strolls in with dishevelled hair and a smug grin, "Sorry I'm late mate, you won't believe what happened to me just then..."
"What?"
"Well, I...

A handy man in the closet

My grandma just sent me this joke in the form of a video and I wanted to share it with you guys.

A couple lives nearby some train tracks and it makes a thundering noise when it passes. The lady and her husband learned to sleep with ear covers and all that and made the best of the situation s...

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2 Hobos

Two hobos are sitting around a campfire, cooking up some squirrel and talking about good luck.

The first hobo says, "My luckiest day was the day I found a wallet with $150.00 in it and NO ID. I was drunk for a week straight."

The scond hobo says, "My luckiest day was the day I found a...

hotel room with a problem

The front desk clerk at a hotel gets a call from a woman. She says that the vibrations from the nearby train tracks are shaking her out of bed. The clerk couldnt believe it so went up to the room to investigate. While he is lying on the bed waiting to feel the vibrations, the woman's husband walk...

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A man walks into a bar with a big smile...

" - Why are you smiling?"



" - You know about those train tracks near my house? Well, yesterday I was walking home when I see a woman tied to the tracks; I swear it looked just like one of those old movies, you know? I went next to her, released her, and took her to my place; and then ...

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A bartender is having a really miserable day and...

... he sees a really fat ugly man walk into the bar, with the biggest grin on his face. The bartender, thinking this guy has no reason to be this happy decides to ask him why the fat man is smiling so much as he comes to order his drink.

He leans in and says, "you look like you're having a go...

An ugly homeless man walks into a bar with a huge smile.

He uses what little money he has to order himself a drink. The bartender serves him and asks "What are you so happy about?" The homeless man replies. "I just got laid big time. First time in about 30 years. I was hanging out by the train tracks where I saw a women tied up like in those old western m...

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Two colleagues agree to meet in their favorite bar

The first colleague arrives a bit before the agreed time and figures he'd just buy himself a beer while waiting for his colleague. Fifteen minutes later his beer is empty and his colleague is not yet there. He figures his colleague just needed to take of something at home, and orders another beer wh...

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