A dog lays by the railroad tracks..

And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.

Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This is my gr...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A guy was walking to a bar, when he saw a girl tied to some railroad tracks

He went and untied her, following which one thing led to another and they had a lot of sex.

When he finally got to the bar, his friends asked why he was so late. He then told them about the girl he found and how they made sweet love in multiple positions on the side of the tracks. Naturally, ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Two Hippies Two Hippies are walking down a railroad track stoned.

One Hippie says "This is a really long fucking staircase!"

The other Hippie says "I don't mind the stairs, it's this low fucking handrail thats killing me."

A dog is sitting beside a railroad track.

He's wagging his tail as a train starts rushing past and the train cuts off the tip of his tail. Mad and in pain, he turns to snap at the train and the train cuts his head off.

The moral of the story: Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

I found girl lying on railroad tracks. I untied her, took her into bushes and we had great sex. No head, though.

I never found it.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Railroad tracks, a horses ass... and rockets! [Long]

The US standard railroad gauge (the distance between two rails) is 4 feet 8.5 inches... an exceedingly odd number.


Why was that gauge used?

Because a number of the early railroad lines in the US were built to fit standard-gauge locomotives manufactured by English railroad pioneer G...

Two Native men, one old and one young were walking down a railroad track

The old man places his head on the track, and comes back up a moment later. "Train come," he says. Sure enough, a few moments later a train comes by.

"Now you try," he says. So the young man places his head on the track, looks puzzled, and comes back up.

"Buffalo come". The old man, of...

Two drunks are walking down the railroad tracks...

Two drunks are walking down the railroad tracks.

One turns to the other and says, "This is the longest set of stairs I've ever been on."

Drunk two replies, "It's not the length, it's these low handrails that are killing me."

A brunette is jumping on railroad tracks...

Saying β€œ65, 65, 65”

A blonde goes up to her and asks her what she’s doing. She replies β€œJumping on these tracks and counting, want to join me?”

She agrees, and follows the brunette in jumping and saying 65.

A train comes by, and the brunette jumps out of the way at the last sec...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three boys are walking down the railroad tracks and find a $10 bill.....

.... and they're trying to decide what to do with the money.

The first boy says "let's buy some candy" and the other boys say "that's what we always do... Let's use it for something different." The second boy says "let's buy some comic books" and the other boys say "that's what we always do...

Two hobos are walking down the railroad tracks.

One says β€œYou know, just last month I found a woman here, tied to the tracks and left for dead.”
The other hobo asks β€œso what did you do?’
The first hobo replies β€œI did what anybody else would do; I picked her up off the tracks, took her over to those bushes over there and had my way with her...

Two intoxicated hobos were walking on a railroad track.

After a while of struggling, one of them slurred, "This must be the longest staircase in the world." The other replied in a drunken lisp, "That's not so bad. But, what's killing me are these low handrails.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Guy calls his buddy and says "man, what a wild night last night! On my way home from the bar I found a woman tied to the railroad tracks!"

"Holy moley," says his buddy. "What did you do?"

"Well first I untied her, then we had sex!"

"REALLY?"

"Yeah man. I fucked her pussy, her ass, her tits, everything!"

"Even head?"

"Nah, couldn't find it."

What did the monkey say when he put his tail on the railroad tracks?

It's won't be long now!

So a brunette is walking back and forth across railroad tracks...

...and ever time she crosses she says, "42! 42! 42!"

A blonde happens upon her and is perplexed by what she is seeing. After watching her a while, the blonde determines that it looks like fun, and joins the brunette on the tracks saying, "42! 42! 42!"

Soon the Five O'clock Express come...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

A Joke My Grandfather Told Me

So, my Grandfather and I were driving along on our way into town, and we crossed a set of railroad tracks.

As we were crossing, my Grandfather said, "You know, there was a bad crash on these tracks back in the day, between a Mustang and an old Firebird."

I thought about it for a seco...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Two men camping...

Two men camping in the mountains had spent four days together, and they were getting a little testy.

One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south and ...

The pessimist sees a tunnel. The optimist a light a the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a train...

The train engineer sees three idiots on the railroad tracks.

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An ugly guy enters a bar with a big grin on his face.

β€œWhy are you so happy?” ask the bartender.

β€œWell”, the man answers, β€œI live close to the railroad tracks and when I got home last night I saw a woman laying there, tied down. So I untied her, brought here inside and then I banged her all night ... until the morning light."

β€œI can t...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

An ugly guy walks into a bar...

A rather ugly man walks into a bar with a big grin on his face, and Orders a draft beer.

'What are you so happy about?', asks the Bartender.

'Well, I'll tell you,' replies the ugly man. 'As you know, I live by the Railroad tracks. Well, on my way home from the bar, last night, INoticed...

Sean walks into his local pub in Ireland

His friends all say "Hi Sean", and Sean says "Lads, you wouldn't believe what happened to me while I was walking to the pub. I saw a very shapely lady tied to the railroad tracks. Well, I ran over and untied her and we made passionate love together." One of the guys says "Sean, did you get any ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

NSFW

Two guys go camping, but start getting on each other's nerves after a while. So they spend the day apart and meet up in the evening, telling each other about their day. You won't believe what happened to me, says one. I was walking through the forest, when I see this woman tied to some railroad trac...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Two hungry hobos

Two hobos were walking along the railroad tracks bemoaning how long it had been since either one had eaten. They come across a racoon that had been half squished by a train, and one exclaims "Our luck has changed, we can split it!"

The second hobo demurred, "No thanks, I'm going to wait for a...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Two guys were out camping in the woods

They have been out there for a while, and we're starting to get annoyed with each other over the littlest things. Valueing in their friendship, they decided to go two different directions and camp by themselves for a week and then meet back up. When they reconvened a week later, they were excited t...

A blonde is walking down the road and notices a red head

The red head was jumping on and off a set of railroad tracks counting "21,21,21". So the blonde walks up and asks her what she is doing. The red says "Oh nothing just doing this 21,21,21" as she's jumping on and off the tracks. So the blonde decides to join her and they both starting jumping on and...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Leroy and Bubba

Two little dogs named Leroy and Bubba are laying in the shade of the hardware store in a very small town on a hot summer day.
Suddenly a dog goes running past them as fast as it can go, following close behind was the biggest pack of dogs Leroy and Bubba had ever seen.
Being the curious types ...

Two Drunk Farmers

Two drunk farmers are helping each other home late one night, staggering down the railroad tracks. After about half a mile, Vern declares with some annoyance, "Shoot, this sure is a long staircase!"
At that Chet slurs back, "Well, it ain't the stairs that're botherin' me so much as these stink'in...

A guy narrates of his incredible tale to a friend

"I came across this beautiful woman. She was tied to the railroad tracks. I freed her and we made passionate love. Her body was smoking hot!"

"How was the face?" his friend asked.

"Oh I didn't find the head."

3 spears of asparagus.... (xpost from DadJokes)

3 spears of asparagus are walking down some railroad tracks when a train comes along. The first asparagus says, "Watch this!"

He proceeds to make his way across the tracks, dodging and weaving between the wheels and making it clear to the other side.

The second asparagus says, "I got t...

A Dad finds out his Son has a new girlfriend...

He calls his Son upstairs to his bedroom and asks him to sit down.
The father says, in a very steady tone,

"Son, let me tell you a story.
There was once a dog who used to live at a train station. One day, the dog fell asleep by the railroad tracks and left his tail on one of the tracks...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

So two hobos are sitting around a fire cooking hot dogs and drinking whiskey...

The first bum says, "I had the best day today. I went into town and I found these hot dogs that we are eating and this whiskey that we are drinking. What more could a guy ask for?"

"That's pretty good" says the second hobo, "but my day was even better. I was down by the railroad tracks and I ...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Three Hobos...

...are walking along a railroad track in the early morning. It's been days since their last meal, and they are quite hungry. They came upon a dead rat. "Breakfast!", exclaimed the first one, and he gobbled it up. A short time later, they found a half-eaten raccoon carcass. "Oh, boy! Brunch!", yelle...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

Man sits down at his neighborhood bar...

the bartender said "you look very happy today." The man responded that he so happy since he met a woman. The man explained that he met her a week ago while walking along the railroad tracks on the way home from the bar. "Since the moment we met, she hasn't left my side" the man explains. The bar...

This joke may contain profanity. πŸ€”

2 bums

2 bums have a competition every day to see who gets the best finds. So on this very day they both wake up and set out in opposite directions in search of their treasures. At the end of the day they meet back up to compare what they have found, and the first bum says to the second, "I have you beat!...

Best hunting trip ever

Leroy, Clem and Earl were spending a long weekend deer hunting. They got far out into the woods and had a disagreement about where they would hunt. Finally Leroy tells Clem and Earl, "Well I got a cabin over yonder on that ridge so why don't you guys go where you want, I'll stay around my cabin and ...

Two drunks were walking home...

They were walking along the railroad tracks when one says, "Wow, there's a hell of a lot of steps here!" Then the second drunk replies, "I'll tell you whats worse, this hand rail is bloody low too!"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.