What does a pirate say when he puts his peg leg in a freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
If pirates from the Pacific North West say "Shiver me timbers!", what do pirates from Iowa say?
"Shiver me kernels!"
The Tale of Greenbeard the Pirate
Greenbeard got his name due his poor table manners and lack of proper beard hygiene, but let's not get into that just now - Greenbeard loved chocolate. He loved chocolate more than jewels. He loved chocolate more than diamonds. He even loved chocolate more than gold - and there isn't anything most p...
A pirate ship is blown apart during a battle with the Navy.
A pirate ship is blown up during a battle with the Navy. The only survivors are an old crusty pirate and a pesky parrot. As they float together on some old timbers the parrot asks, "How's your ass?" The pirate just ignores the parrot. So the parrot asks again, "How's your ass?" Again the pirate...
Motel insurance scam (x-post /r/Unexpected)
A few years ago, I lived in a small rural town in southwestern Texas, near the border with Mexico. My town had a few rich people living in it, and among these was my neighbor. He was a doctor, and also owned a little motel called the Spanish Inn. It was a nice place, and the doctor enjoyed keeping u...
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