UPJOKE
obesityeuphoriaaddictionstimulantamphetamineaphrodisiacneurotoxicitybruxismenantiomerracemicneurotoxiceuphoriantdelusionover-the-counterdopamine

Tik Jokes

My grandma started sharing her recipes on TikTok

Now she’s on OnlyNans

My grandfather thinks TikTok is an app used to tell time.

It kind of is, because that definitely tells us how old he is.

What do COVID and TikTok have in common?

They infect everything they touch

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tik tok < pornhub

I met a cute girl at bar recently she told me she was a tik tok influencer,

I said cool I’m on pornhub, maybe we should collab,

either way its only gonna last 10 seconds.

I had a nightmare last night that my Tik Tok account was deleted

It was scary, because for a second I thought I had a Tik Tok account.

What do you call a really good TikTok?

Vine.

My girlfriend keeps telling me I should make a TikTok

Because I’m really good for about 15 seconds.

I’ll see my way out.

Do you know why they called it TikTok?

Cos in just a matter of seconds it steals all your data!

TikTok knock off

### A Chinese-owned social media platform has been poisoning breath mints to accomplish their goals.

It's the TikTok tic tac tactic.

Today, I made a tik tok.

Then I made the tick sit, roll over, and do a flip.

I had a nightmare that my TikTok account got banned

For a second, i was really scared that i had TikTok

TikTok does one thing well.

Darwinism

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

The girl I had a crush on asked me to make an account on tik tok and follow her.

My country banned Tik tok the very next day.

My brother just told me tik tok is better than reddit

So where's a good place to hide a small corpse?

What do you call a urologist with a TikTok account?

A DikDok.

I heard that Trump is going to ban Tik Tok..

What did Ke$ha ever do to him?

Does anyone know why tik tok data is getting stolen?

I thought they would be looking for intelligence.....

If Trump banned Tik Tok because it's made in China

Why doesn’t he just ban the Corona Virus?

I'm not really a fan of TikTok

The posts there are really just hit or miss

A joke my 7 year old son came up with.

- What app does the clock have installed on his phone?

- TikTok

Trump has found a sure-fire way to shut down TikTok

He's going to buy it and run it himself.

A man takes his grandfather clock in to be repaired….

The repair person in the clock shop is an old German. The man says my grandfather clock only goes tik tik tik tik. They take the clock to the back room of the shop and tie it to a chair. The old man then lights up a cigarette, take a big drag, and blows the smoke in the clocks face. He sets the ciga...

Microsoft is so stupid...

They are willing to pay $1B for tik tok, I got it for free from apple store.

What’s a place a TikTok star could go and not be noticed?

A bar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I browse TikTok daily but only on the toilet...

Because I don’t want the shit on my phone to get lonely

Downloading Tik Tok but never opening it is like how Augustus Waters always carries a cigarette in his mouth.

As soon as you use it, you will die of cancer.

A Tik-Tok user who shot videos in the airport was taken to the hospital today..

He was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For class today, I brought in a drug addict to show kids the adverse effects of drugs.

This man was a real mess. He would use coffee as a stimulant throughout the day, alcohol to alleviate his anxieties, sweets for his depression, TikTok to get dopamine hits, and shitty TV at night to mindlessly pacify him.

How many light bulbs does it take to change a blonde?

With a TikTok account and some decent photo editing software, only about 4.

I am sick of this Chinese-made virus destroying society!

Tik-Tok has got to go!

What social media does Captain hook hate?

Tik-tok

I'm ashamed of myself for the dad joke I made today.

Coworker was talking about a Joe Rogan episode with Jim Miller where they talked about Lyme Disease.

We continued the conversation and at the end I said "I guess the kids have tik tok and we have tick talk." I don't know how to feel after that one. Had to share somewhere.

I had a nightmare

I had a nightmare were I dreamt someone had stolen my Tik tok acount .

For a second I was really worried that I had a tik tok acount .

What is Captain Hook’s least favorite online trend?

TikTok

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My dad just told me his favourite WWII joke and told him I'd share it

During the war in a concentration camp the POWs were made to line up. The first person would say; "Tik" then the person behind him would need to respond with; "Tok" So they did.

It went
"Tik, Tok, tik, Tok, Tik" until the man behind him also said "tik", this made the German officer mad w...

A man walks up to a German clock maker

The man tells him, "My clock just goes tik, tik, tik, it never goes tok!"

The German clock maker holds a flashlight up to the clock and yells "VE HAVE VAYS OF MAKING YOU TOK!"

CIA Uncovers Chinese Plot to Make America Stupid

It's called Tik Tok.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There is a new toilet system being trialled.

It has a built in Internet connection.

It will automatically post your shit on Facebook, Twitter and TikTok.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Broken Grandfather Clock

A man once owned a beautiful grandfather clock (well, he probably still does, but let's put that aside for now). Now, when I saw the grandfather clock was beautiful, I mean absolutely gorgeous. The clock stood nearly 6 feet tall, made from the most splendid mahogany wood, accompanied by intricate ha...

It's 2020. We need to WAKE UP. The biggest threat to humanity is here. This world is dying. We NEED to do something about this. We can't let this virus take over humanity.

Someone delete TikTok ffs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Protesting Crows

A crow march was organized online - smart little buggers. Only two showed up. Thousands bought tickets on TikToc... The two crows were arrested. When asked why they didn't wear masks they said they were not afraid of Corvid-19. They were charged with attempted murder.

Deep in the Amazon jungle, a tribe witnessed white people for the first time...

...and immediately regretted installing TikTok.

Why was the clock always so itchy?

Because it had tiks

Do you know how to find videos of fat people doing stupid stuff?

TikTok ads

My friend showed me this awesome app where you can watch exotic creatures

Apparently it is called Tik tok

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Explaining politics

From a TikTok video (maker unknown, but props to him!):

I went up to my dad and said, "Dad, can I ask you a question? It's for a school project."

My dad said, "For sure son, what's the question?"

I said, "Dad, what is politics?"

My dad said, "Well, let's use our home as a...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.