UPJOKE
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The Star Jokes

Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?

In charge of the sequence, Yoda was.

I was laying in bed last night looking up at the stars in the sky when I thought to myself

Where the hell is my ceiling.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does the star ship enterprise have in common with toilet paper?

They both chase Klingons around Uranus!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's masturbation called in the star wars universe?

Hand Solo

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome

Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.

A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar...

What did the star get when it came in last place?

A constellation prize

What did the optometrist prescribe the star?

Sun Glasses - I'll show myself out

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ladies...If a man is willing to give you the Moon and the Stars....

You should be willing to sacrifice Uranus.

I spent hours looking up at the stars, wondering if the universe was infinite

Fine night

My grandpa always said "Shoot for the stars"...

...too bad he's in jail now for trying to shoot Justin Bieber

Who played Anakin Skywalker in the Star Wars prequels?

Emperor Palpatine

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

After a long day, I like to lie down on my bed, look up at the stars and think to myself:

Where the fuck has the roof gone?

The star football player was missing his academic requirements

He was the best player they'd seen in years, but unfortunately, shared an IQ with his helmet. Regulations required that the player be benched until he brought his grades back up.

The coach, wanting to win their first season in decades, pled to allow the player to finish the season. It was fin...

Why is vodka so hard to obtain in the Star Wars universe?

Because only Siths deal in Absolut.

My friend hates it when he sees the Star of David everywhere, but he claims he's not racist

Just anti-semiotic

A media star's career will remain stable as long as they haven't done anything horrible. The star's career will collapse if at any point the weight of all the horrible things they have done overcomes the support of the public's positive perception of them and their importance as a cultural icon.

This is known as "Ellen Degeneracy pressure."

My son silently gazing at the stars asked me "Daddy, how do stars die?"

I looked at him and replied "Usually by drug overdose".

Why didn't the star laugh at the joke?

It was pretty Sirius

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't the star of Dirty Jobs get a girlfriend?

He has a Mike Rowe penis.

Party games are so different in the Star Wars galaxy...

For example on Earth you bob for apples, but on Tatooine you Bib Fortuna.

Latest results from the Star Wars Cup.

OB - 1, R2D - 2

Hey, did you hear about the Star Wars fanatic who's been stealing autograph books and photo albums from other fans at conventions?

They call him the fan-tome menace.

What did the Star Wars fan with a lisp say?

May the Fourth be with you.

I’ve been watching the Star Wars movies, and I realized something

It’s not that big of a shock that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker’s father.


I mean, they have the same no’s.

They told me to shoot for the stars.

But the neighbors called in a noise complaint.

Why were the star-crossed melons heartbroken?

Because they cantaloupe

Joke I just thought up: What did the orphan say to the Star Trek fan thinking of adopting?

Bring me up, Scotty!

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An Australian was taking his girlfriend out for a night of passion under the stars.....

....when she was stung between the legs by a giant hornet. In a panic he wasn’t sure what to do so he rang the Australian Emergency Medical Helpline.... “Hello, I’m takin’ me Shiela out for a romantic night of camping and she’s just been stung by a hornet on her privates...and it’s all swollen and ...

By all means shoot for the stars

Just aim for their bodyguards first

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A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found…

A team of archaeologists were excavating in Israel when they found a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish and a Star of David on the wall.

Pointing to the first drawing,
the head of the team declared: “This indicates these people were family oriented and held women...

How did the Star Wars fan spend Valentine's Day?

Solo.

In honor of his being the first 90 year old in space, I’m going as the Star Trek Cleveland Steamer for Halloween

Just as soon as I perfect my William Shatner chest costume.

My girlfriend is the star goalie of her soccer team

She's a keeper

Who is the greatest Herbologist in all of the star wars universe?

Yoda, two green thumbs he has.

I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention as a doctor...

The security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy.

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think..

Where the HECK is my roof?!

I feel really bad for the stars sometimes.

They all have such a low rating.

There were two beggars...........

There were two beggars sitting next to each other on the street. One of them had a sign saying "Please Give" next to a large Star of David, while the other had a sign saying "Please Give" next to a large cross.

A man stopped to watch them. He noticed that most people would just pass by the be...

I was lying in my bed, staring at the stars.

I wondered, “Where the frick is my ceiling?”

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

Disney really gets the Star Wars fanbase...

After 3 movies, our expectations are now Solo...

Whats the difference between Ornaments, Candy Canes, Myself, and the Star?

You don't hang the star

Some nights I just lie down and stare up at the stars and I wonder

what happened to my roof

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to see a prostitute. (unpleasant joke ahead)

"Is it true what they say about you?"
"Yes honey, absolutely. I can suck you off, and sing the Star-Spangled Banner at the same time. Wanna give it a go?"
"That sounds amazing. I've got to experience it for myself."

They go up to her place. They move to the bedroom immediately and he p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A drunk man is at a bar and says that he can fart the Star Spangled Banner... (Nsfw)

The bartender says "go ahead!"

The man stands on the bar completely naked and proceeds to shit all over the bar.

The bartender says "What the hell did you do that for?"

The drunk then says "C'mon! Even Frank Sinatra has to clear his throat before a performance!"

I was out last night looking up at the stars.

All of a sudden these steaks landed on my head. Next I was peppered with meatballs. Just as I thought it was over I was was covered in beef mince.
I thought that must have been a meatier shower.

Shoot for the moon, if you miss you'll land among the stars is a good quote

Unless you're an astronaut.

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