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Sirius Jokes

What's the name of the Arch nemesis of Sirius black?

Casual White

Terrorist holding dad at gunpoint-

Terrorist: "Say your last words!"

Dad: "Your last words!"

Terrorist: "What? ugh, you Americans. Be serious!"

Dad: "Okay, I'll be Sirius. Who are you going to be?"

Terrorist: "Stop. Why isn't this scaring your?"

Dad: "Nothing really scares me anymore; not since I sa...

In the Harry Potter books, Sirius Black is in his early 30's,

... but in the movies, he look like an Oldman.

I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light hearted and funny.

The fifth was dead Sirius.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Lily Potter ask James when he handed her divorce papers?

Are you fucking Sirius?

James Potter and Sirius Black passed by each other in heaven.

James exclaimed, "Sirius, why are you here? Are you visiting?"

Sirius hung his head. "No, I actually died. Bellatrix killed me in the Department of Mysteries."

Potter just laughed. "What do you mean? You were a much better wizard than her. You can't fool me."

"I'm not kidding!" ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dirty Harry...

Dumbledore turns to Mcgonagall...
"Minerva, you're such a dear friend. There's something I've been meaning to share with you. You see, Minerva I'm gay."

Professor Mcgonagall looking quite shocked meets his eye,

"Why Albus, you must be joking!"

"NO, Minerva. I'm fucking Sirius...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heard this one on Comedy (Sirius Radio) awhile back. It's by the late Jay Hickman.

This boy was sitting on the sidewalk eating candy and then he would pick up a cat and bite it on the ass, then get up and move down the sidewalk and do the same - eat the candy, bite the cat on the ass, get up and move down the side walk. This guy driving by see this and says, "Hey, what are doing?...

You know that scene in Harry Potter where his godfather dies?

That was a dead Sirius moment

I'm the Brightest star in the Night sky. I'm not joking....

I'm Sirius.

Stephen King's Sons

When Stephen King’s twin sons were born, he had a hard time coming up with names for them. Finally, after several hours of thinking, he managed to pull a couple out of the air.

“I’ll name the first son Joseph, after my great-grandfather.”“Fine, and what about the other one?” His wife asked....

My friend said he discovered the brightest star in the night sky.

There is no way he could possibly B Sirius.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sirius B is moving towards us at 10 km per second at may get the latin name "tribulatio" ( trouble ) and may hit an outer the outer planet Uranus one day.

We have Sirius trouble in Uranus

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Harry Potter: "Hermoine, I'm gay"

Hermione: "Are you kidding?"
Harry: "No, I'm fucking Sirius"

Why didn't the star laugh at the joke?

It was pretty Sirius

What did Harry Potter say when he found out the werewolf that had been terrorising his school was his Godfather?

You cannot be Sirius

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tonks: Remus, I swear, I have no idea how those dog hairs got there...

Remus: Are you fucking Sirius?!

Leslie Nielsen auditioned for a specific role in Harry Potter.

But the casting director, unsure who this old actor was, told him :
— Shirley, you can't be Sirius.

Me - So, what do you do?

Otto - I'm a supervillain.

Me - What's your name?

Otto - Corrector.

Me - HAHAHA! Are you Sirius?
What's your super powder?
Wait a minion……
what the help is happy ninja to me? PLEATS
MAKE IT DUCKING STOP!

What do you call a dark shade that contains no humor at all?

A Sirius Black.

Batman and the Joker are in the retirement home together, working on crafts projects. Batman looks at Joker's cross-stitch of the night sky and asks, "Why'd you leave out the Dog Star?" Joker answers...

"Why sew Sirius?"

Son: (Sobbing) "Dad, my teacher said I would never be the brightest star in the sky"

Dad: "You're not Sirius?!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I looked up at Canus Major and a star told me "I'm the brightest star in the sky!"

And I said "You can't be Sirius!"

Which Harry Potter book is the darkest?

Order of the Phoenix, because that’s when it starts getting Dead Sirius.

2 Canadians are sitting outside watching the night sky.

When the first guy asks the other “If you had to be one star in the night sky, which one would you be, eh?”

The second guy thinks for a moment and says “I’d probably be the brightest star in the sky.”

To which the first guy quickly responds “You can’t be Sirius A!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One British nurse said to the other...

"You'll never guess who picked up the urine samples today. Gary Oldman, the actor!"

"Really?? Was he dressed like his character from Harry Potter?"

"No, he wasn't Sirius. He was just taking the piss."

Legitimate question, what's that canine constellation called?

[SIRIUS]

An extremely bright star walks into a bar.

He shines so bright he nearly blinds everyone inside.

"Are you kidding?" The bartender asks in annoyance.

"No," The star replies. "I'm Sirius."

I can’t get my satellite radio to work

I’m having sirius issues

What is Harry Potter's favorite radio station?

Sirius XM

What did they tell the most famous child actress from the 30's when she tried to audition for a role in Harry Potter?

Shirley you can't be Sirius.

I think you are only supposed to wish upon one star, but I wished upon two

Because I couldn't take it completely Sirius.

A man dressed as a harry potter character came up to me and told me he was a zombie.

I thought he was kidding, but he was Dead Sirius.

Baby sister told me this one attn Harry Potter fans

Sister: "Harry's godfathers middle name should be 'Lee'"

Me:"wait, whose the godfather?"

Sister: "Sirius Black"

Took me a minute.

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