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The Contest Jokes

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A king declares that all Jewish people must leave the kingdom, unless one can beat his priest in a contest.

The rules are simple: without saying a single word, the contestants must argue their faith until one concedes. Among the Jewish citizens, only one old man steps forward to compete.

The priest and the old man take the stage before a crowd, and the contest begins.

The priest raises his ...

The contestants of the Nashville beauty pageant enter the stage.

Infront of them is an audience of over 2000 and a judging panel consisting of one man, on his own, wearing an eyepatch.

Suddenly, the judge thrusts his arm out infront of him. He opens his hand out, and there, sitting in the middle of his palm is a bee staring intensely at the contestants on ...

Jesus and Satan have a discussion as to who is the better programmer. This goes on for a few hours until they come to an agreement to hold a contest, with God as the judge.

They sit themselves at their computers and begin. They type furiously, lines of code streaming up the screen, for several hours straight. Seconds before the end of the competition, a bolt of lightning strikes, taking out the electricity. Moments later, the power is restored, and God announces that t...

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Two men drove to a gas station for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas...

When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest.

"If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant.

"How do we enter?" asked the first man.

"Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right, you win free sex."

"O.K. ...

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There was a Bravest man in the world contest

There were three brave contenders that had to survive three missions and survive.
1# swim one lap in an Olympic pool filled with crocodiles.
2# shake the hand of a raged gorilla
3# fuck the brains out of an 100 year little old lady.

First contender got it to the pool and was eaten al...

The contest

A Minister was walking down the street when he came upon a group of about a dozen boys, all of them between 10 and 12 years of age.


The group had surrounded a dog. Concerned lest the boys were hurting the dog, he went over and asked "What are you doing with that dog?"


On...

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Contest! The Three Funniest Jew Jokes get a free Christmas hat [US & Canada Only]

We're jews over at Rally Flip Cap and we think Jewish jokes are hilarious. We also think ironic prizes are hilarious. So to celebrate Hanukkah we're going to giveaway 3 Merry Christmas hats!

The 3 most upvoted jokes get this hat for free, completely free, including the shipping, no hidden fe...

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A national newspaper recently participated in a contest to discover the funniest pun

The paper collected ten different submissions from their staff and submitted all to the contest certain at least a single entry might be good enough to win.



Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

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The Mint Contest

John runs a candy shop, selling mints of all kinds. Business was good, until Covid hit.

John realized he’ll have to shut down the store and risk losing his business, unless he could figure out a way to advertise and sell his confections on the Internet. His nephew suggested running a contest ...

During my trivia game, I asked the contestants to define “defenestration”.

No one got it right, so I threw that question out the window.

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One day, a ridiculously bored King in a small town decided to have a contest and the winner would choose, either to marry his daughter, gold and riches... Or name anything that he desires.

Whomsoever jumps down the moat filled with crocodiles, swims to the sides and climbs back up unharmed shall win the contest and name his price.

The crowd gathered near the edge of the moat where the king shouted:

"Is anyone brave enough to entertain me?". And noone dared to respond.<...

The King's Contest

There was once a King of a faraway land, and he was bored. So we called a contest for all the knights of the land to determine which had the mightiest "weapon".

The knights and their audience gathered in the great hall, and the contest began. The first knight stepped forward, dropped his pant...

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The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest.

The Police, the Interpol and the CIA are participating in a contest to see which agency is best at tracking down criminals. So they devise a contest where they release a mouse in the jungle and after 30 minutes each agency goes out to find it. The agency that takes the least time catching the mou...

The marching contest

Three countries were having a marching contest. America, Spain and Russia. They had 3 weeks to prepare.


The Russian soldiers marching was perfect. They were all in time, with great rhythm.


The American soldiers were also close to immaculate.


But, the Spanish soldi...

What's the talent show where the contestants do basically nothing?

"American Idle"

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Delivering The Best Toast

A contest was held to see who could deliver the best toast.

Murphy won the contest for the best toast of the night, which was: "Here's to the best years o' me life, spent between the legs o' me wife."

When he got home, his wife asked him how the Toastmasters meeting went. "I won the co...

Sister Mary Francis won the contest but I was runner-up...

Technically, I'm second to nun.

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A local radio station is having a contest: The first person to call in with a word the DJ has never heard of will win $1000.

So this guy calls in and when asked for the word, he says, "goan... G-O-A-N. Goan."

The DJ thinks for a moment and says, "That’s not even a real word!"

"Sure it is," argues the caller.

"Well, then use it in a sentence," says the DJ.

The caller replies, "Goan fuck yourself...

US currency types were having a contest to see who could accrue the most of another country’s currency

Nickels managed to stack up a lot of Euros and beat Quarters who only managed to pile up a few. Dimes did alright for themselves too but none of them bragged about how well they were doing because they knew that their smallest denomination friends were volatile and when confronted with bragging when...

The National poetry contest

The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a Duke University Law School graduate from an upper crust family; well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes with it. The other finalist was a red-neck from Southeast Tennessee A & M. The rules of the conte...

My grandmother recently called in to a contest on the radio.

The contest was giving away free skydiving lessons to the first caller.
My grandmother called in, and she was the first caller, so they gave her the papers for the free lessons.
She started the lessons a few days later. When the instructor opened the plane door and told her to jump off, my gra...

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I was listening to the radio this morning and they're having a contest. The radio show challenged listeners to name a single word that he can't spell...

After a few failures to stump him, there's a call from some redneck-sounding old guy. The host is all cocky by now, "Okay, give me your word, let's see what ya got..."
"Goan," Says the caller.
"All right, that's new. And can you put it in a sentence?"
"Yep... Goan fuck yer self! Hahah...

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The Las Vegas Ice Cream Eating Contest

The Scooper Duper Creamery was a small ice cream shop on the Vegas Strip. They would hold ice cream eating contests on the weekends that, being in Vegas, would be bet on by the tourists.

Anyone could sign up to participate in the challenge if they were daring enough. To win, one would have t...

Jesus and the Devil are having a contest on computer:

They have to perform many complicated tasks in everything from programming to installing Acrobat Reader. They work feverishly for hours and are nearing the end of the competition when the power fails. The power comes back on and Jesus gets back to work and finishes. The Devil has lost all his work a...

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