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The Brain Jokes

The other day I thought, wow, the brain sure is a nifty organ!

Then I thought, hang on – which organ was it that put that thought into my mind again?

The stomach is smarter than the brain.

Because the stomach warns you when it is empty, the brain does not.

There’s a lot we’ve discovered about the brain

But in reality it’s still a big gray area

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“If you don’t do it you might regret it” said the heart. “But you might get hurt” spoke the brain. “We think you should go for it” said the guts

“Just what the HELL was that?!?” protested the anus.

You have two parts of the brain

In the left side, there’s nothing right
And in the right side , there’s nothing left

The brain is amazing...

It works 365 days per year, 24 hours per day, right from birth, until you get your 1st erection.

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The organs of the body are trying to decide who should be in charge, the brain says 'I control all the information to and from the body, I'm the obvious choice' the lungs say 'well you can't do any of that without me, so I should lead' finally the rectum says 'I do waste disposal, I should lead' ...

All the other organs laugh at the rectum, in protest the rectum tightens right up. Soon the lungs and brain feel awful and are struggling to work, as are all the other organs, to appease the rectum they name it in charge.

Moral of the story is, the arsehole is always in charge.

How does the foot send messages to the brain?

TOELAPHONE

I have the heart of a champion, the brain of a genius

and the keys to the county morgue.

I always admired my grandfather. He had the heart of a lion and the brain of a eagle.

He also had a lifetime ban from the zoo.

The brain is the most important organ in your body

\- *According to the brain*

Keeping tropical fish at home can have a truly calming effect on the brain.

Due to all the indoor fins.

This is the part of the brain where deja vu occurs

& this is the part of the brain where deja vu occurs

Since COVID-19, I have the body of a 50 year old, the brain of a 40 year old and the heart of a 25 year old.

All tucked away nicely in my freezer!

I used to think the brain was the most important organ

Then I thought, look what’s telling me that

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There was an election inside a body. The brain said "without me this body loses control, i am the coordinator, so i should be the president"

The lungs objected "if we stop working you all die in a few minutes, we should be the ones who rule".

The heart sneered "if i stop, you will die within a few seconds, i am the president."

The ass exclaimed "I am the most vital organ, you don't get it, but i will show you" and the ass ...

The hippocampus is like the Martin Luther King Jr. part of the brain because it's always like ...

I have a dream!

Why does the brain experience so much anxiety?

Because it’s part of the nervous system

The brain is one of the complex things in the universe.

It’s no wonder why so many never learned to use it.

What did the brain say to the brain stem?

You’ve got a lot of nerve coming in here...

What part of the brain regulates elk-like behaviour?

The hypothalamoose.

They did a study comparing the brains of 17 people with depression and the brains of 18 healthy people

They discovered that on average, the depressed group had one brain less.

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An intestine claimed to have a higher IQ than the brain.

But the intestine was full of shit.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning,

and does not stop until you get into the office

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The Mexican president has a rare cancer of the brain and is in need of a brain transplant. His only option is a risky new procedure that his doctor recently perfected.

He now has to “shop” for his brain.

“Sir, as this is a new procedure, our pool of brains you can choose from is rather small. Prices of the brains will vary,” said the doctor.

“Okay, show me what you’ve got. I have an important job, so I’ll need the best brain,” replies the president...

If we start telling people that the brain is an app,

Maybe they will start using it

Did you hear about the brain implant that can fix stupid?

It's called a bullet.

People say the brain is a computer, but if it is...

Why can't it run Skyrim?

What part of the brain deals with knowledge of trees?

The treefrontal cortex.

I’m the perfect girlfriend - I have the brains of a genius, and the body of a supermodel

They’re really starting to smell though, so I should probably get rid of them

What is the brain told when you have Alzheimer’s?

Begone, thought.

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Man invents machine to feel fellatio directly inside the brain

What happens next will blow your mind

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Hitler might have been the brains behind the evil Nazi regime..

But Eva was the Braun.

The patient said to the Brain-surgeon.

I can't seem to get you out of my mind.

The brain named itself

When you think about it.

Where's the brain located?

A reporter conducts a series of interviews on three teenagers to determine how intelligent the youth of today is. He starts his first interview. "Can you locate your brain?" The teenager points at his elbow and says "Here." The reporter says "Wrong!' and dismisses him.

He starts his second in...

After some thinking i decided not to go through with the brain transplant

But then, i changed my mind

What did the brain dead guy have for breakfast?

Comatoast!

Be afraid, very afraid

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked,

\- "Mrs. Jones, do you know ...

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Your body parts are arguing about who should be in charge.

One day the different parts of the body were having an
argument to see which should be in charge.

The brain said "I do all the thinking so I'm the most
important and I should be in charge."

The eyes said "I see everything and let the rest of you
know where we are, so I'm the m...

A man walks into a brain store to buy a new brain

He goes to the clerk and says

"Hello, I'd like to purchase a new brain".

The clerk replies with "Sure, here are some of our brains we have on sale"
"Here's the brain of a physicist, 5 dollars."

"Here's our second deal for today. The brain of an anti-vaxxer, 10,000 dollar...

When God created Adam and Eve...

He said to them: I have two gifts to give you one is to do pee standing up and...

Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming: M E... M E...I want it, please Lord... please... please... please... This would make life a lot easier!

Eve agreed and said those things didn’t matter to her...

Scientists recently conducted research on the human brain.

Scientists recently did a study on the roles the right side and left side of the brain had on cognition. They first took out the left half of a man's brain and asked him to count to 10.

He says, "2, 4, 6, 8, 10".

They put the left half back in and removed the right half, asking...

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How most men wake up in the morning...

The brain: "Ah, fucking hell!"

The body: "Don't give up!"

The dick: "THIS. IS. SPARTA!!!"

a patient walks in to see meet his neurosurgeon

The patient says "so you're the brains of the operation?" The neurosurgeon replies "no, you are."

Your momma so dumb..

The brain eating amoeba she contracted starved to death

Isn't it strange how sometimes a random 80s rap song will start playing in your head for no reason?

I guess we just have to accept that the brain is a very complex organ, because it's like that, and that's the way it is.

In soviet Russia...

The President of Soviet Russia visited the U.S. After a long day of negotiations at the White House, the U.S. President asks his soviet colleague, what he would like for dinner. The Soviet President replied, that he would love to try the brains of an American.

A couple month later, the U....

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Battle of the Organs

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge.

The brain said: "I should be in charge, because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."

"I should be in charge," said the heart, "because I pump the blood and circulate oxy...

I thought, "What organ in the body is the most important?"

The immediate answer was, "The brain". That makes sense....................

Wait a minute, what organ in the body is telling me that?!

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Boss of the Body

The different parts of the body were arguing about who should be the Boss of the body.

The brain said "I do all of the thinking and Strategies , I should be the boss"

The Eyes said "I provide vision and allow us to see what is going on"

The legs said "I provide mobility and Tran...

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A lesson about the parts of the body

One day the parts of the body were arguing about who should be in charge.

The legs said, “Well I carry you all everywhere so I should be in charge!”

The arms said, “Well I get all the stuff for the body so I should be in charge!”

The lungs said, “Well I get all the oxygen for th...

Human Design

Three engineers went out for drinks after work. An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer and a civil engineer. They rehashed their respective jobs, complained about the hours and all agreed about insane expectations and demands of clients. After a couple drinks they started loosening up, discus...

Everything you need to know about Australia

I REALLY hope these are true


These were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humour (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions!)


\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\...

An electrical engineer, mechanical engineer, and civil engineer are sitting in a bar

when the civil engineer wonders, "If god were an engineer, what type would he be?"

The electrical engineer says, "Oh, that's easy. Think of the human body: impulses in the brain, signals sent through muscles and nerves...god is an electrical engineer."

The mechanical engineer counters,...

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Body parts were arguing, about who should rule the organism.

I should rule! Said the brain. I tell you all how to work!

No! I should! Said heart. I pump blood, so you all can live and have nutrients!

Bullshit! Said kidneys. We filter toxic things out of the blood! Without us you all would get poisoned!

What? Said stomach. I digest the foo...

What's the most washed body part of 2020?

The brain...

A man wakes up the mental ward

Relax, sir, you've just had ECT.

What's that?

Electrical shock therapy. After a shock to the brain, you have temporary partial memory loss. Patients often forget about the things that cause them stress and tension, allowing to them to relax and get better.

Okay.

Now that ...

Different body parts rate each other

The Brain to the Liver: “You’re a 6.”

The Spleen to the Colon: “You’re a 7.”

The Urethra to the Bladder: “Urinate.”

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When God created man, all of the parts of the body argued over who would be boss.

The Brain said that since he controlled the body that he should be boss.

The Eyes said that without them man would be helpless, they should be boss.

The Legs said that since they took man wherever he wanted to go, they should be boss.

The Stomach said that since it digested the ...

God the engineer

Three engineers are having lunch and discussing what kind of engineer God is.

The mechanical engineer says, "God must be a mechanical engineer, look at the complex network of levers that make the body move"

The electrical engineer says, "No, look at the electrical processes of the bod...

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