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Our marriage guidance counselor offers a 24 hour SMS advice service

It's difficult to decipher some of his typos and auto-corrects, but his recommendation for a suck-sex-full relationship was spot on!

Deadpool sends a sms to Wolverine.

Deadpool: Is that chick who can walk through walls still around?

Wolverine: Kitty? She's kinda dead right now.

D: Damn. What about the blue guy that at teleports?

W: Kurt's dead too.


D: How about Jean? She moves stuff with her mind right?



W: You loc...

Sm mthrfckrs stl my vwls

Cn't hv sht n Dtrt

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!

11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

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A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".

The husband send answer back: *"Pour some warm water over them".*

Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: *"The computer is completely fucked now".*

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Amazing Apples

A man and his wife are walking through the state fair, when he notices something that clearly has to be a mistake. Taped to a table full of big beautiful apples is a sign that reads, 'Amazing Apples $10 each'. So the man tells the proprietor, "Excuse me sir but I think you made a mistake" pointing ...

You do the Math

A lawyer writes a letter to his wife Janie...

My Dear Janie,

You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not...

SMS

I was on sofa next to my wife who was eating and typing on her phone. So I heard my phone ringing at the kitchen where I was charging it. So I went to check , the sms was from my wife and she wrote "bring the salt on your way back."

My gf just sent me an SMS: "Spacekeydoesn'tworkcanyougivemeanalternative"

I am really excited but what the f**k does ternative mean?

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Middle Class Sexting.

So this girl I'm seeing sent me a picture of herself in a crotchless leather catsuit she'd bought from Marks and Sparks, she then proceeded to text exactly what she would do to me in it. That wasn't just any sex text. That was an M&S S&M MMS and SMS.

I like sending SMS messages to my friends in both English & Spanish.

I guess that makes me bi-textual.

A guy, arriving at the hotel in his dream vacation, sends his wife an SMS but he accidentally mistyped her number...

...the text went to a widow, which had just attended to her husband funeral.

When she read the message she instantly passed out. Here's the message:

"Hey, babe, this place is so peaceful. You're coming next week, I just made your reservation. I miss you so much. Bring light clothes c...

TEXTING for over 70s,The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more mature...

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? ...

Two clever nuns

There were two nuns

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),

and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL).

It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and...

I hate when people ask how I see myself in 3 years

I don’t have 2020 vision

This is the only day you can upvote this

Pathan sends his neighbour, Santa Singh an SMS

A Pathan sends a text to his next-door neighbor who happens to be Santa Singh

"Salam Mr Singh, Sorry yaar. I am ashamed and I have to tell you somethng. Hope you will forgive me: I have been helping myself to your wife when you're not around, probably more than you. I know it's no excuse but ...

Sardar sent SMS to his BOSS: “Me sick, no work”

Boss SMS back: “When I am sick I kiss my wife try it”
2 hours later sardar sms 2 boss: “Me ok, ur wife very sweet”

If you want to hear a very interesting story:

send an SMS to your wife with the following text in the body: "I know everything"

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SMS from my girl: If ur sleeping, send me ur dreams; if ur laughing, send me ur smile; if ur crying, send me ur tears.

Response: Honey I'm shitting, should I send you something?

I really like telling children at the station...

...that the way to Hogwarts is just a matter of speed.

\*SmAacK!

"try again faster."

\*SMACK!

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My girlfriend says she enjoys sex more whilst on holiday.

That was an awkward SMS to receive.

"Wish you were here!"

My ex always sends me this SMS when he enters a cemetery.

My wife didn't finish her Morse code lessons before going sailing.

She seems to alright though she keeps sending me messages to send her an SMS but I haven't got a reply yet.

Girlfriend: Love you babe, xx…

*-I love you too!*
I’d be *so* happy if u put x's in when u SMS me...
*-Ok! Rachel, Sarah, Monica.*

Did you hear about when Sting got a new mobile phone?

He sent out an SMS to the world.

A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer joke

A computer scientist, a surgeon, and a civil engineer were gathered at the pub. The surgeon boasts, Surgery is the oldest technology in the world. It’s in the Bible. God removed Adam’s rib while he slept. This is clear evidence that surgery pre-dates all other technological endevors. Without so much...

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