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Taking A Dump Jokes

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I always feel like a better person after taking a dump…

because I know I am no longer full of shit.

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NSFW: Bear and Rabbit are taking a dump in the woods.

Bear asks Rabbit "Do you have a problem with shit sticking to your fur?"

Rabbit says no.

So Bear picks Rabbit up and wipes his ass with him.

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My neighbor called me to complain that my oxen was taking a dump in his backyard.

I said that's bullshit

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After the safety talk in the airplane the pilot forgets to turn off the microphone... He turns to his copilot and says: "I'm gonna take a dump and then I'm gonna fuck that smoking hot stewardess."

When the stewardess realizes what's going on she starts to sprint to the front to warn the pilot that his mic is still on but trips and falls. A passenger turns to her and says: "Calm down, he's taking a dump first."

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An elephant and a bunny are sitting in the forest, taking a dump

"Say bunny", asks the elephant. "Dosen't it bother you when shit gets on your fur?".
"No, not at all" the bunny answers.
So the elephant grabs the bunny and wipes his ass with it.

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I walked in on Jack Bauer taking a dump

And apparently even that's top secret with him 'cause they had me in the polygraph within minutes, but I beat it.

I could truthfully tell them I saw Jack shit.

A guy is camping and finds his buddy standing over an outhouse toilet about to drop a $50 bill down the hole.

“What on earth are you doing?” he asks his buddy.

His friend replies “I was taking a dump and a $10 bill fell out of my pocket and went down the hole…… and I sure as hell ain’t going down there for ten bucks”.

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A guy is taking a dump in a public bathroom...

When suddenly, he hears "Hello" from the next stall,

He replies "Hello?"

Another question follows up "How are you?"

Still confused, he replies "Fine, thanks"

"What are you doing?"

"Um, I'm in a toilet, what do you think?"

After a brief second, there's anothe...

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I want sex that feels as good as taking a dump....

It last half an hour, my legs are numb, and I can still browse Reddit.

I once saw a German Shepherd taking a dump on my front garden.

Then his dog came along.

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I’m taking a dump in the Vatican toilets.

I guess that counts as a holy shit.

I can't help but feel sad after taking a dump

I always end up feeling so empty inside.

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A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole.

A hillbilly is taking a dump in the outhouse when a dollar bill falls out his pocket and down into the hole full of sewage.

He starts cursing and storms out of the outhouse.

His buddy looks at him and asks “what’s wrong? What happened??”

“Well I was in there taking a dump and ...

I was taking a dump and suddenly got stuck in the toilet and couldn't get out.

That was the worst experience I ever had at a Home Depot.

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Sometimes when I'm taking a dump, I just have to chuckle.

You know, for shits and giggles.

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I hate it when someone tries to talk to me when I'm taking a dump...

It annoys the shit out of me.

What do you call it when the water splashes against your rear while taking a dump?

Poseidon's kiss.

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r/jokes is like staring into my toilet while periodically looking away after taking a dump.

I keep seeing the same shit over and over again.

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A deer had a bar. One day, he found the toilet window broken, so he asked the patrons "Who broke the window!?"

A hare responded "I kinda did..."

The deer asked "What do you mean by "kinda"?"

The hare says: "Well, I was taking a dump and after the bear finished his, he took me and tried to wipe his butt, but then he saw I wasn't toilet paper and threw me right out of the window".

The deer...

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Bear and Rabbit

A bear and a rabbit were taking a dump in the forest, and the bear turned to the rabbit and said, we eat a lot of the same things, I'm curious, does shit stick to your fur? The rabbit replied, the one good thing about being so fluffy is shit never sticks to my fur. With that the bear promptly picked...

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A bear and a rabbit are in the woods

A bear and a rabbit are in the woods, and they’re both taking a dump.

All of a sudden the bear turns to the rabbit and says, “pardon me, but do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur?”

And the rabbit says, “Why no, I don’t.”

So the bear wiped his butt with the rabbit.

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An elephant picks up a white rabbit

An elephant picks up a white rabbit after taking a dump. It asks the rabbit: “Are you afraid of getting dirty?” The rabbit says no and the elephant wipes his bum with it.

The next day the elephant picks up a squirrel after eating. It asks the squirrel: “Are you afraid of getting dirty?” The s...

Found On A Bathroom Wall

Here I sit
taking a dump,
Giving birth
to another Trump

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A guy needs to get some plumbing work done

He searches for plumbers, finds the team that seems to be fit for the job and calls them. Two men arrive at his house and take a good look around. Finally one of them says: "Okay, we got it, come back in 3 days, we should be done".
3 days later the guy comes back and sees that they seem to have...

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A bear is walking through the woods

A bear is walking through the woods and notices a small white rabbit taking a dump.

The rabbit sees the bear, and gets a little scared – understandable, it’s a bear. The bear stops and looks at the rabbit. The rabbit looks back. Then the bear speaks –

“Hello, Mr. Rabbit!”

The ra...

A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning.

A man is taking his dog for a walk through a graveyard early one morning when he sees an elderly man crouched by a gravestone. Not wishing to appear rude the dog-walker greets the elderly man with a cheery:

"Morning!"

The elderly man replies:

"Oh no, just taking a dump."

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So God was taking a walk down Paradise Lane, and he heard some noise from behind one of the Heavenly Gates

..he peeked around to have a look, and got shock of his life seeing a guy taking a dump. He shouted..Jesus Christ. The poor guy horrified screamed back..Holy Shit.

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

Red Riding Hood & Wolf

Little Red was walking down the woods, when all of a sudden she saw a "big bad" wolf, staring at her from behind the bushes! His eyes all big and bloody red!
She said: " Oh my! What big eyes y...?!"
- "Beat it kid! I'm taking a dump!!"

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