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Super Power Jokes

Pick a super power

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer and starts chatting the bartender up. "If you could have any superpower which one would you want?" he asks the bartender. "Cold war Russia, I guess," the bartender replies.

Professor X: what’s your super power?

Me: hindsight

Professor X: that’s not going to help us

Me: yes I see that now

Did you guys hear about the nun with super powers?

When she flies over, people say:

"It's a bird!"

"It's a plane!"

"It's Superman!"

"No! It's Nun of the Above!"

Co-worker asked me, "If Batman, who is a regular human but with gadgets, teamed up with Superman, who has supernatural powers, and they fought against Iron Man, another regular human with gadgets, who teamed up with Thor, who has super powers, who would be the winners?"

"Your parents when you move out."

What was the radioactive senior citizen's super power?

*Gramma Rays*

I always wanted a super power, so I named my son Tran

I can’t quite turn invisible, but at least I’m transparent

Controlling probability is the best super power

And I think there's a big chance that you'll agree

Professor X asks a girl, "what is your mutant power?"

Girl replies: "I can guess how many pulls to turn a ceiling fan off on the first try!"

She points up and says: "3 pulls"

Professor X stands up and pulls 3 times. After the third pull the fan turns off.

Professor X: "Yeah thats cool and all, but not really a super power..."
...

My brother asked me which super power I'd like

Apparently the united states wasn't a good answer.

I Have Super Powers

I just melted an ice cube by staring at it…..

Took a bit longer than I thought it would, though.

This super power is terrible...

Supposedly I can see 60 years into the future, but it is worthless because everything is so blurry. I mean, how does the eye doctor even know I am seeing 2080?

Professor X: what's your super power?

Me: I am really flexible.

*Professor X stares at watch*

Professor X: Looks like we have to reschedule.

Me: ok

I have a great super power...

... I can make kids appear on milk boxes.

There was a recent test of one man's super powers...

He was found to be cape able.

What do you call an ant that can't speak but has super powers?

Mutant

In 1973, the Six Million Dollar Man consisted of a bionic man with super powers...

In 2016, the Six Million Dollar Man consists of two hip replacements.

I was amazed

As I get older, I never stop learning new things every day. I'm a new dad and the other day I was changing my baby when all of a sudden my kid rolls off of the changing table. As if animal instincts kicked into me in that split moment, or super powers of sorts, I swoop down with lightning speed and ...

A man applies to be a superhero as a part of the X-Men

When asked what his super power is, the man replies "Hindsight".

The doctor says "That won't be of any use to us".

The man replies, "Yes, I see that now".

We’ve started calling Grandad Spider-Man…

It’s not that he’s got super powers, he just can’t get out of the bath.

If I could be any super hero, I would be Aluminum Man...

...my super power would be foiling crime.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Luke cage

In marvels luke cage everyone thinks that luke has super powers because he's bullet proof.

But bullet proof black people isn't a super power it's straight up evolution.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Redditor walks into a brothel…

And he sees four doors, the first three have long lines behind them and the fourth has none. He is greeted by a elderly woman. After asking why this brothel was so popular, she explains that it’s because this isn’t just a regular brothel, this is a special brothel! The man takes another look around ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] Inspector Gadget is sitting in his therapist's office, ranting...

“no, I actually love to be the center of attention, I love being able to say ‘go gadget rocket shoes’ and catch up to a car on foot, the super powers are great. It’s the tedium of life as a cybernetic man outside the spotlight that get to me. I’ve got four separate bowel systems to maintain and ever...

A guy lives in my building with the ability to change locks and unclog drains at will

He has super powers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy at a golf course meets another guy with a big silver case......

..curious, he asks his new friend what’s in there.
“I’m a high end assassin, this is my rifle, I charge £5,000 per bullet”
“Wow can I see?”
So the assassin hands the guy the super powerful scope and says “see what you think”
As he looks through the scope he sees his house “wow this is g...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Netflix's new show is Marvel's Luke Cage, whose "Superpower is unbreakable skin.

Bullet proof skin on a black man isn't a super power its straight up evolution!

-Danish Anwar

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Super baby

A man was sitting outside his wife's hospital room while she was giving birth. Finally, after half an hour of anxious anticipation, the doctor emerges from the ward holding the baby in his arms.

"Congratulations Mr Smith, it's a boy. Not only that, this baby has super powers!"

The man,...

Superpowers....

Peter comes very drunk home late at night. He wakes his sleeping wife: “Emily wake up! You know what just happened!?”
-
“No”, she replies sleepily.
-
“I went to the toilet and the light switched on all by itself. And when I went out of there, the light switched off again without me havin...

Getting a job right out of college...

ENTRY LEVEL JOB OPENING:
Hiring recent college grads.

REQUIREMENTS: 5 years of experience, 6 Olympic gold medals, and super powers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Superman's extended family

Many of you know Kal-El (superman) and his father Zor-El, even his cousin supergirl.

Did you know he has several other loosely related relatives that also traveled to earth as infants and were raised here? Here are a few.

1) he has a cousin that was raised in Mexico, hardworking guy. H...

African Horses

In a world of horse racing dominated by the West, a new super power emerged. South African jockeys were jockeys were completely dismantling their opponents despite riding lame horses and weighing 250 pounds. Their budget just wasn't high enough to afford high quality gear, but they were still beatin...

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